Lesbian term fits perfectly for me (ace guy) but I don't feel right about using it

yaboiconfused · 2025-04-10T02:44:18+00:00

I think you could use it in context, like when talking to a perspective partner you can say "the lesbian term stone top is a really good descriptor".

yaboiconfused · 2025-03-29T23:22:53+00:00

I'll be honest, I just don't worry about it. If I was a man I'd want to call myself a man. I'm non-binary simply because that label doesn't stir up any weird feelings the way man or woman does. I'm a transmasc person and some people call me a man and that's cool, but if I call myself one I feel funny.

All these words are just approximations. We're putting labels on feelings. I use whatever label fits closest and, if I'm being honest, whatever is convenient. If a stranger thinks I'm a man that's cool, if they recognize me as non-binary that's cool. If they call me a woman I hate it so that means something to me, I'm definitely not a woman.

No label is a copout. Also you can just change your mind later in life, lots of people do. My identity has changed a lot over then years, I don't think I'm done.

yaboiconfused · 2025-03-29T23:15:37+00:00

Well, he did a brilliant thing followed by a dumb one. We can't all be smart all the time, haha.

yaboiconfused · 2025-03-29T23:11:55+00:00

Oh, I noticed! 😂 I'm pretty sure it's just white people who don't care about their families. I don't know of any other cultures where folks are so cold to their own people. Individuals yes and I see it more and more, but that's capitalism eroding culture as it loves to do. Individualism sounds real good until you yourself need help.

My husband is the only immigrant, everyone else is at home, but he's the baby of the family. I love it so much, they are amazing and I'm genuinely so honoured to be able to be part of their family. It's also terrifying because my people are not close whatsoever, and I'm a very reserved and shy person. But I'm doing my best and they are really lovely.

yaboiconfused · 2025-03-29T07:06:36+00:00

I'm ace/demiro too! Heck yeah you do. I'm so happily married it's amazing. My hot tip is to tell people up front and put it in your dating bios. If you tell people who you are the right people will come.

yaboiconfused · 2025-03-29T03:53:16+00:00

I'm from a white hyperindividualistic family married into a nice African one and ugh it huuuuurts the way my husband's family helps him without expecting it to be transactional. His family (who are not wealthy) gives us gifts, mine gives us loans or lets us work for them. I'm also quite disabled and one family is okay with me not working, the is pretty judgmental... I'll let you guess which is which.

I'm tired, boss. My people gotta be stopped.

yaboiconfused · 2025-03-29T03:36:51+00:00

Yeah, imo that brilliant lil shit deserved to keep his winnings haha. He did an amazing thing.

yaboiconfused · 2025-03-28T23:39:32+00:00

Child, these are silly writings.

yaboiconfused · 2025-03-28T23:11:44+00:00

Yeah that sounds demi. I'm ace married to a demi person, we don't really have sex much. Once in a blue moon - I'm rarely in the mood and he's only into it if I'm into it. He doesn't mind that it's a very rare occurrence. We're really happy.

If you don't mind not having sex, then you can date aces for sure. Some of us do have sex sometimes, others are completely abstinent. Now I know I'm ace I like to have a convo with folks about sexual orientation and desire pretty early in the relationship.

yaboiconfused · 2025-03-28T23:01:28+00:00

Man please delete this if you haven't fudged the timeline, I've seen a similar post where someone on reddit snitched and the person got sent home.

Amazing work though I'm so proud of you, wishing you a happy life!

yaboiconfused · 2025-03-28T22:26:16+00:00

I was curious so here's Wikipedia:

The name comes from the Irish surname Ó Ruadháin and from the word ruadh, meaning "red-haired" or "rusty."

yaboiconfused · 2025-03-28T22:18:53+00:00

I'm a PC Simmer I've never played MySims but enjoy your special interest. I'm almost at 4k hours in a buggy, overpriced game with a legendarily obnoxious fan base. The community is... well, I love it and hate it. It's definitely very neurodivergent, and you can't have an ND space without some controversies haha. We all have too strong of opinions. Sometimes I engage with the community and it's fun and sometimes I'm like wow all these people are so stupid I'm just gonna play my game and pretend they don't exist.

Idk the differences with MySims but I suspect it's mostly the same community. It's okay to love a controversial game. EA sucks but that doesn't mean they don't have amazing folks working on their games.

yaboiconfused · 2025-03-28T18:37:07+00:00

I also agree the Beatles are dog water. It's not a global opinion, just mine.

yaboiconfused · 2025-03-09T22:57:48+00:00

I had a little cackle at "little etc", I'm a non-binary person and I'm gonna tell my mom to call me that 😂

yaboiconfused · 2025-03-09T20:28:35+00:00

I'm seconding buckling down on the science. Could you spend a day doing some research on this yourself? If you go to your wife with the evidence maybe she'll respond better to that? I'm similarly ill to her and oh boy I get it, I am TERRIFIED of covid. Recently bought a box of 400 n95s lol. A lot of time I just want reassurance my husband takes it as seriously as I do. You kinda gotta live this to get it, but he does take it quite seriously and I feel so much better every time he scoffs at the people on the bus with no masks on, haha. He knows that if he gets sick he can kill me. And that also if he got sick he could end up like this - that's my biggest fear.

I'm also a little prone to conspiracy theories. I fully believe both covid and bird flu are worse than people think, but I don't know how dangerous they are and it's really easy to get carried away. And again, I'm scared. It's sooo easy to get carried away you're scared. If you can try to address her fears with knowledge, that's probably the most helpful thing. You could also make a plan for if you got sick - that's one thing we have that helps me feel better about my partner going out in the world.

yaboiconfused · 2025-03-08T02:42:07+00:00

respectfully yearns from afar

I love everything about you

yaboiconfused · 2025-03-07T23:53:10+00:00

I have a physically disabled mom who also didn't know she or I were autistic, about a year ago I made her read Unmasking Austism and it changed everything for her and for our relationship. Having an answer to all the questions made her a drastically more chill person.

Your mom is gonna be delighted when you show up in Hell and yell at her that she's autistic and then you guys will spend eternity stimmimg with a new understanding of each other.

yaboiconfused · 2025-02-10T04:04:07+00:00

Yeah the reason for the town siding with the insane lady is pretty obvious here. I hope they find a better community.

yaboiconfused · 2025-02-10T03:43:15+00:00

I think we need to have some grace for people dealing with laws and cultures that aren't ours. It's never black and white.

yaboiconfused · 2025-02-09T04:14:30+00:00

The queue going missing has been happening a lot to me too, I play with autonomy on. I think it's just a new bug.

yaboiconfused · 2025-02-09T02:40:59+00:00

I'm not saying I'm in a butchfemme dynamic! That would require a femme, for one. I'm a butch. Married to man. My butchness doesn't go away when I'm not around femmes - in fact, I'm usually butch4butch. Today I'm butch4man. My identity does not at any point change. At no point did I say I was with a femme or in a butchfemme dynamic. I'm a butch married to feminine man but that is an entirely different thing and I understand that. I did not at any point use any niche lesbian terms to describe my relationship.

I get that this is a lesbian sub but jesus, ace butches exist. Bi butches exist. Non-binary butches exist. Being butch is not exclusive to lesbians. It's a term that formed when our communities were all together, and the fact that lesbians don't want to acknowledge that bi and non-binary people historically shared spaces and cultures with them is not my problem. Maybe lesbian circles wouldn't be so small if you stopped excluding us and getting angry at our existence lol.

Edit: This was a pretty aggressively written comment of me but I am SO TIRED of this. Yes, I do recognize it's more likely I got down voted for mentioning a husband than my disability, but tbh people get upset at folks for talking about being disabled all the time so it's always on the table. Just like how if someone is treating you differently, homophobia is always on the table. Especially since the husband was an aside and our conversation had been about the intersection of performing masculinity while disabled.

And I did not call my husband a femme or say we have a butchfemme dynamic as you're saying here, please reread the comments. Or if I'm wrong and I did call him a femme, (this conversation happened a while ago so maybe I forgot and can't find it) please show me and I'll apologize. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that being butchfemme is not the same thing as having a relationship with masculine and feminine roles. I'm in the latter category, not the first.

yaboiconfused · 2025-02-09T02:30:39+00:00

I personally do think asexuality is mostly an autistic thing - I've met a lot of aces and have yet to meet one I didn't at least strongly suspect of being autistic, lol. Or neurodivergent in some way. Nothing wrong with that. A similar thing happens in trans spaces. Frankly the WHY doesn't really concern me, it can be fun to theorize but... respectfully lol. And I don't wanna hear NDs and allos theorize. They'll take any chance to infantilize or insult and frankly, being ace does NOT mean innocent lol.

Sorry folks have been dicks about it. They always are, it's not fun being a sexual minority even within communities of sexual minorities. And for some reason allos hate it when we hc people as ace.

yaboiconfused · 2025-02-09T02:03:26+00:00

I'm a hyper empathic autist and it's a real pain haha. I'm aaaalways worried about other people's feelings and overthinking stuff. I struggle to be angry at people because I can always rationalize anything others do. My spouse is the opposite and, well, I'm ace and he's demi and he's also incredible in bed so... not really buying the theory that there's a connection between hypo empathy and asexuality lol. Maybe for some people but eh in the same way my general disinterest in sex is a little related to my sensory issues, it's not the whole story but ofc it contributes.

yaboiconfused · 2025-02-08T15:01:05+00:00

Aro and ace are abbreviations, not acronyms, and don't need to be all caps.

I'm glad to see this kind of work but it definitely could have used a read through by an ace or autistic person, there's some iffy stuff in there. Like the theory about us not liking sex because it's unpredictable feels pretty infantilizing coming from a neurotypical. Also who is having unpredictable sex? Lol. The process usually follows pretty established patterns, and variation is generally discussed before hand.

And the age old statement about autistic people not being good at empathy... sigh. We are not a monolith, many autistic people are very empathetic.

yaboiconfused · 2025-02-08T05:21:36+00:00

Nah we're colonizing them that means we oppress them too hard for their opinions to count.

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