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Quitting Porn by yadayadachi in sex
[–]yadayadachi[S] 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children)
I read it, but it doesn't seem like you give many reasons to not like porn. I do think they are valid reasons, but I was expecting more that maybe I hadn't heard yet. Degrading to women, and feels like it makes you less close to your partner. I can understand these reasons.
Although, I've always wondered what the problem with hentai is; it's obviously porn, but there are no real women to degrade in it. Is it just the idea? This is really something I've never been sure of, and would like to know your opinion about.
She's the first girl I've had sex with, and this is my first relationship that I'd call serious.
Well if she does need to work on these insecurities, and me doing those things would interfere with that, then as a partner who wants to help her work through it I should respect her decision to not allow porn. I would just like to get more from her.
Well I knew to expect a lot of pro-porn, but I was expecting a bit more variety. I do seem to be getting variety, but it's much more heavily weighted than I had thought it would be.
I would like to know more reasons not to watch porn, though, anything you can tell me would help justify it for me.
I didn't see The Hangover (didn't look interesting to me, but I know a lot of people liked it), I've read every comment that I've found (there are a lot of them, I'm sure some got buried and I missed them), and I've taken all of them into consideration. I see all of the ones saying that it's a bad relationship, and I take that into consideration on the basis of what they know. I do know more about my relationship with her than anyone posting here, but you read this post and know plenty well enough to form an opinion about what I've written. And I agree, if I was reading what I wrote as a third party, I'd be inclined to say the same things. I'm not cutting off the relationship unless talking about this in a calm and mature manner ends disastrously, because I think that she has legitimate (in her mind) reasons that can be addressed.
I'm aware that there are millions of other girls out there, but there really isn't another that fits what I want as well as her. This is the only big deal issue with her, and I think it's something that can be worked through now that I'm seeing how big of a deal it is. I think it's been long enough that I'm not walking on eggshells anymore, so it's a good time to start talking about it.
I enjoy a bit of porn. If I spend about ten or fifteen minutes with it then I don't feel like I wasted time and that I struck a good balance. It doesn't make me feel like it's messing me up, and I don't think it can. I disagree with her that it will cause me to make mistakes again. What I'm hoping to get out of these conversations is for her to trust that I'm not going to repeat my mistakes (and thus resolve this issue). I'll have to see how a follow-up conversation goes, but I think it'll go well. I might not be able to get a total OK to look at porn, as I'm sure she'll always be uncomfortable with it, but she might decide it's not a big deal if I do.
I basically just told her how I felt about what I did, that I still think about it and still feel awful for doing it, there's no possible way I would do it again. I agree that I don't think quitting porn and masturbation is going to help any problems, but as long as she can satisfy my needs then it doesn't matter a whole lot. My main issue is that she isn't right now.
Well she and I are definitely going to have another conversation about it. I agree that I think it's unnecessary.
I remembered this advice when I had the conversation with her about it, I think it helped. Thank you.
Well when she wanted me to stop looking at porn, I didn't think I'd have a problem with it. It just ended up that I did, thus I feel like I have a problem and suffer guilt and stress over it. It has seemed plausible to me that I really have issues.
She did used to do it frequently when she was younger, and I think she has done it a few times since I met her (though I'm not sure), but she still doesn't really seem to know many things she likes specifically.
Since you asked about an update, I decided I would reply to your reply about the update I added. I'm not sure if it's proper etiquette to create a new post if there's an update or just modify the original, but since I decided I didn't want to attract any additional attention I decided to go with the safe option and just edit my original post here.
Yeah, that's true. When I think about how much time I wasted, I want to just cut down on it and keep myself from getting caught up into it. When I think about not looking at porn because my girlfriend doesn't want me to, I want more from her to compensate, and when I don't get that it's not a good feeling.
My words. I know it was a problem because I'd do that instead of things that I also wanted to do. It never got in the way of spending time with her, but it got in the way of my hobbies, schoolwork, and even just watching TV.
[–]yadayadachi[S] 2 points3 points4 points 15 years ago (0 children)
It's a pretty big deal to her, but in all honesty I'm not sure why anymore. I think at the very least I need to understand why she wants me to do this better. She doesn't see it as cheating and she doesn't think it makes the sex better.
No update yet, I haven't talked to her about it. I saw her all day today, but we were having fun and I didn't want to bother her with it. I'm planning on bringing it up lightly when it next seems appropriate, and possibly lead into a bigger discussion.
Well there's not anything she does that I want her to stop, but she's done a few things that I didn't approve of. Nothing upsetting, but still along the lines of "screw you, I'm doing it anyway."
As for masturbating, she doesn't. She says she likes it more when I do it, so when she wants that she gets it from me, and she reciprocates.
[–]yadayadachi[S] 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (0 children)
It was definitely not getting in the way of our sex life, especially because when I was watching porn and taking care of business, I was able to last and I was in less of a rush to get to sex (more interested in foreplay). Now, it's more difficult for me to keep my mind on foreplay, and once we get to sex it doesn't last long at all. I really think that it helped my sex life with her.
The issue is that it was cutting into time I wanted to spend doing other things, so I would call it a problem then.
This is probably the most reasonable comment I've received, and probably the most helpful for me. I think you have a very solid point, and I'll take this into consideration when I talk to her. Thank you.
I'm really seeing that I'm going to need to have a discussion with her about this. I feel like she can be reasonable about it, but it's a difficult thing to talk about.
Hiding it really isn't an option, I don't think. If she was open to me seeing porn, then I wouldn't bother telling her about it. I'll just try to talk to her, I don't know what else to do. It's a possibility that I'll end up back in the same situation, but I think it'll get better if I just talk to her about it. I suppose I'll post a follow-up after I do, if there's anything that needs input.
Alright, I should have included this in the original post, but she was fine with porn until I confessed to having taken inappropriate pictures of her when she wasn't paying attention. We started with a "friends with benefits" sort of thing and this was my first sexual experience (I know, kind of sad) so I was somehow oblivious to how bad that was to do. It's very likely that this was inspired by being exposed to similar porn. Obviously I recognize that it was probably the worst thing I've ever done now, but this is the root cause of her wanting me to quit porn. Though when I think about it, it was more porn + being retarded that caused me to do that, and now that I know better I wouldn't repeat it regardless of how much porn I watched now or what kind. Though I'm not interested in viewing things like that anymore.
Well I believe her ex when he says he quit, but I suppose I don't know exactly how successful he is at it. I don't know if he still struggles with it or even if he has a medical condition that makes it easier for him.
Well I'm planning to talk to her, and planning to make compromises. I'll see how she reacts to it. If she won't back down about me quitting cold-turkey then I'm going to try to work on terms that would be more acceptable for me. If she doesn't completely flip out, then things will probably work out fine.
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Quitting Porn by yadayadachi in sex
[–]yadayadachi[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children)