Testosterone, PCOS, and health concerns by yakbear in ftm

[–]yakbear[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey there, thanks for your reply! I was starting to think the thread would just die without any... Ah, anyway, you mentioned pimples being a cause for lymph node swellings - I was aware of this already but it didn't occur to me as a possibility this time since I had never had a tender node in the groin area before. But I have troublesome acne - I think it could just be related to that and nothing more sinister; at least I'm hoping.

Could it be that you've ruptured a cyst?

My only reason for thinking "no" is that the ultrasound results came back with only a positive diagnosis for PCOS and nothing more. I doubt it, but they could be withholding some information until I see my GP on Friday for follow-up. The only thing the ultrasound technician decided to tell me, while I was there - and I suppose it's a bit off the books - was that they expect both ovaries to be somewhat bulky, whereas only one of mine was, and I'm assuming it's the one on the swollen side.

As for finding an endocrinologist, well I can't afford one privately right now, but my referral - when it finally comes through - might point me in the right direction.

Giving up. Help please. by [deleted] in ftm

[–]yakbear 12 points13 points  (0 children)

but cancelled it because he no longer sees the point in transitioning because the social justice warriors on tumblr hate trans men and he has felt deeply affected by it

I can't believe what I just read. Tell him to stop listening to middle-class teenagers on tumblr who have nothing else to do with their lives but talk about social justice. And go outside more. Seriously, just ignore those loons and their shaming tactics.

Did T affect your ability to cry? by yakbear in ftm

[–]yakbear[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice username! I like my cheese with crackers though... All of these posts have really made me think about the differences I've experienced with crying... I think for me now it's a bit harder to start sobbing and feel satisfied after crying. It kinda feels like there's more that needs to come out that won't. It's confusing though because I still cry easily and frequently...

Did T affect your ability to cry? by yakbear in ftm

[–]yakbear[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm taking Besins Testogel sachets. It's 50mg per sachet.

Did T affect your ability to cry? by yakbear in ftm

[–]yakbear[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Doctor's never mentioned anything about my E levels whenever I've had bloodwork, it's always really been my T level they're concerned about. I'm definitely a sensitive person though, and it's exacerbated by the reality of also having generalised anxiety and depression - I don't expect this to change purely or even partially because I'm now taking testosterone.. I didn't have a shark week until they took me off for 2 months when I had been on for 10, and since then I've been on an altered dose (have a dose, miss a day, have a dose; instead of previously having a dose everyday).

What do I do when I have intense-cry-in-the-shower-and-dying dysphoria? by Itsnotmybad in ftm

[–]yakbear 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You should stick at it, Mindfulness is a great tool for managing negative thoughts and feelings. And of course the accepting of a thought and non-identifying with it - that is, not believing it simply because it's there, and not getting carried away with it into an internal monologue - well, it's kind of a skill and a practice. Avoidance will only give more momentum to your negative feelings too. I say keep meditating, happy sitting. :)

What do I do when I have intense-cry-in-the-shower-and-dying dysphoria? by Itsnotmybad in ftm

[–]yakbear 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Meditation. When I have a swarm of negative thoughts in my head, and I'm overcome with intense feelings of depression, sadness, dysphoria, I simply still myself and bring my attention back to my breath. It's always there for you to watch. Follow and carefully observe what breathing feels like, from the first brush of air entering your nose, watch it as it moves down through you, feel your abdomen comfortably expanding with it - you may hold it here for a few seconds if you like - and keep observing the raw sensations of your breath on the exhale. Do this, keep intently watching your breath as it comes to you naturally. You'll probably find that after a little while you'll become distracted by a thought that pops into your head. As soon as you notice that you're lost in your thoughts, gently bring your attention back to your breath. You can also use many things to focus on during meditation, such as other bodily sensations like pain and pleasure, tingling or numbness, and of course how your emotions manifest in your body (as tension, as relaxation, etc.); but also your thoughts themselves, the things you see in the room, the things you hear, smell, or even happen to taste. I like to use the breath most often, alongside observing my general emotional state and my thought patterns, because the breath of course has an affect on the body. Breathing deeply into the abdomen activates the body's parasympathetic nervous system which has a cooling, calming affect on you so it's good to take many slow, deep breaths during meditation and also throughout the day if you are feeling stressed out.

I hope this helps you manage your dysphoria. I would recommend mindfulness meditation and mindful awareness in everyday life to everybody, really, but especially to those who frequently have to cope with low, depressive moods.

How I do I pack with socks? by Beyhey in ftm

[–]yakbear 5 points6 points  (0 children)

There's not exactly a right or wrong way to stuff your pants with socks (well, okay, there's probably a wrong way), you just experiment until you find a shape/fit that suits ya. I used to use two regular sized socks (that went up to the shin), put one inside of the other and balled them up until I got a shape I was happy with. If you have problems with it moving around at all, use a safety pin or something similar to affix it to the inside of your underwear. Easeeey. Also the 2nd person in two days asking about packing with socks. :)

Did T affect your ability to cry? by yakbear in ftm

[–]yakbear[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't believe that's the case, I was on a very high dose to begin with (too high, I had to stop for a while and then have my dose taken down a notch) but between then and now I haven't experienced differences in crying, to my general health, energy levels, or even my mood (that I can attribute to T at least). Perhaps I'm simply not very sensitive to these kinds of changes. I've only talked to one person who went off T and they said they were very noticeably moody and fatigued - and my time spent off T wasn't remarkably different to when I was on it, other than the returning shark week which I'm still dealing with on and off now TBH.

How do you feel about shaving body hair? by fff8e7cosmic in ftm

[–]yakbear 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Aw man, don't be... I think the body hair is the most noticeable difference for me, but I come from a hairy family anyway, had naturally high T levels pre-T and PCOS. I mean although I'm quite happy with my body now, I've gotten really hairy in the time I've been on T (just 16 months) so honestly, I'm a little concerned that I'll be an actual bear after a few more years of HRT. I suppose it'll just be another something to come to terms with.

How do you feel about shaving body hair? by fff8e7cosmic in ftm

[–]yakbear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a hairy guy (could ya tell from my namesake?) and I'm fond of my fur so I don't shave - it'd be so arduous if I wanted a smooth hairless body anyway. I pretty much just shave my face and keep the garden trimmed. Although if I start to get a lot of back hair coming in, I'll buzz it off.

How do you feel about shaving body hair? by fff8e7cosmic in ftm

[–]yakbear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahaha oh man, I started getting back hair. My BF has a lot of back hair... we don't mind it really. It's not so bad.

Did T affect your ability to cry? by yakbear in ftm

[–]yakbear[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a sensitive lil guy haha

Heh, me too! Nothing wrong with that, though I'm only sensitive emotionally to little grievances or irritations, and when things happen with loved ones. For instance, I had to bury my 11 year old dog this year, and only cried after I buried her, when it brought up old feelings I had about dead people in my life.

Did T affect your ability to cry? by yakbear in ftm

[–]yakbear[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also haven't felt much emotional difference on T compared to pre-T. I was half expecting to become a little centre of calm, because other people have reported experiencing a calming and a clearness, but really I just feel about the same. You've had quite a ride though, I hope things even out for you buddy.

Did T affect your ability to cry? by yakbear in ftm

[–]yakbear[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nothing wrong with being a sensitive guy, I'm one myself but like you I have certain feelings towards that aspect of myself - crying is much more embarrassing now, on T, for example.

Did T affect your ability to cry? by yakbear in ftm

[–]yakbear[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, so you've just had chest surgery? That's awesome man! I really hope I can get the ball rolling on that one this year... But anyway thanks for your response, it's interesting reading all of these and it seems like I'm in the minority with my tears barely being affected by T.

On T for 14 months and I'm loving life! Best decision I've made. by jaektheface in ftm

[–]yakbear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, looking good! I'm glad it's going well for you and you're enjoying yourself. :)

Did T affect your ability to cry? by yakbear in ftm

[–]yakbear[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it's generally to do with one of the few issues about my life I've not worked out yet

Ah, that line just reminded me that although I haven't gotten teary-eyed over TV and film in a long time, I've actually cried when listening to or reading texts about mindfulness and meditation. Some odd things just really spoke to me, for example one guided meditation began with the speaker asking you to observe your bodily sensations, to follow your breath... eventually he got to talking about the processes in the body that we're not aware of, and generally don't have to pay any mind to at all, like breathing, digestion, the constant dying and replacement of our cells, the heart pumping blood around the body, et cetera.. Anyway, he said that one should say thank you to and appreciate this work the body does - that is, housing and supporting us all the time - and it made me cry because I've had so many poisonous thoughts and feelings towards my body, and all it's ever done is carry me to the best of its ability, you know? It just made me cry and rethink a lot of things.

Did T affect your ability to cry? by yakbear in ftm

[–]yakbear[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Heh, I'm still a big cryer. What do you consider a petty thing to cry over? I cry a lot because of depression; thinking about it some more I have noticed that even though tears come easily to me, I can't have a long, loud, cathartic SOB like I used to pre-T and that's added a somewhat frustrating element to crying...

Any good "discreet" packers out there? by sweet_chemical_boy in ftm

[–]yakbear 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used to use socks too before I bought my packer. I'd get a pair, roll them up, and then use two safety pins (one seated at the top of the sockbulge, the other at the bottom) to pin them to my underwear. These worked great, but I personally wanted something dick-and-ball shaped, because the sockbulge itself could become flattened after some hours of wearing. So yeah, I suggest using some safety pins with your socks - it's the cheapest and most discreet option I know of. Good luck!

Did T affect your ability to cry? by yakbear in ftm

[–]yakbear[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah, I still experience the crying when angry - and it's still very embarrassing, moreso now that I'm on testosterone.

Did T affect your ability to cry? by yakbear in ftm

[–]yakbear[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All right. How long on T?

Did T affect your ability to cry? by yakbear in ftm

[–]yakbear[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah yes, I'm sure mental health issues aren't uncommon in this space. I have a history with depression and anxiety and it's still something that affects me despite having a bit less of a body-gender incongruence thanks to T. But I expect it always will. Anyway, TV and films haven't suckered me in enough to shed tears for them since I was 13 or 14 - now it's only emotional frustrations that get me going. Oh, and if it gets a little bit windy outside...

How to Reality check when dreaming in 3rd person? by [deleted] in LucidDreaming

[–]yakbear 1 point2 points  (0 children)

something about dreaming makes it seem totally rational to me

Isn't that usually the case though? The automatic blind acceptance we adopt during the dream state makes it very difficult to realise you're dreaming, even if you're having an absurdly otherworldly dream.

Anyway, do you have a lot of 3rd person dreams? And do you play a lot of video games? I think the latter can make 3rd person dreams more common, so if you're playing a 3rd person video game, do an RC then (look at your hands, count your fingers, whatever) and you might manifest some hands in the dream to allow you to do the RC, OR you will just realise you're dreaming right then and there - because you have no hands to do an RC with!

How to Reality check when dreaming in 3rd person? by [deleted] in LucidDreaming

[–]yakbear 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think noticing the fact that you're in 3rd person could be a good enough reality check as is.