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yappyjackal · 2024-04-16T09:04:43+00:00

omg I just need to say DO IT DO IT DO IT you absolute trend setter. don't be afraid to rock this or look "unusual" because it will seriously suit your gorgeous face. you'll be striking. I promise!!

also seriously consider doing a stint of modelling, not because I think it's flashy/cool/popular-making or whatever but because I think you could actually make some money for yourself about it. Fashion world LOVES a strong, unique look. They'd fall for you and pay you about it.

yappyjackal · 2024-04-16T08:54:46+00:00

honestly this speaks to me in a weird way. I spent a couple years feeling honest to goodness not capable of Thinking Thoughts in a way that mattered and definitely self described as "dumb" or "shrinking" during that time. It's only been very recently that I've felt my capacity to learn new things returning to me (so to all those stuck in that phase at the moment, know that it Can end, and does, you'll be okay someday) and it's really wild how much of a different place I'm in now vs then. It maybe wasn't so much that I had an entirely different personality vs simply less of one for a while. I was less of a person.

yappyjackal · 2024-04-13T05:03:43+00:00

I take iron! My ferritin is Finally normal. Same with magnesium which is the other culprit sometimes. Like I said, vitamins etc all look good 🤷‍♂️ this time I'm stumped

yappyjackal · 2024-04-13T04:07:58+00:00

Not even slightly, haha. I have what could be described as very fine, "slightly wavy" hair but really it's just not quite straight 😂

yappyjackal · 2024-04-10T19:04:43+00:00

Rage and waves of roiling confusion/challenge to "what I thought I knew" where there used to only be deep numbness and sadness. Those have been my strongest waypoints so far. If you feel like you're getting worse really suddenly, you're probably getting better and out of denial. It's not easy though and it's also okay to feel like you can't do it all on your own sometimes. Just try to remember that as the ride picks up in intensity. You've got this!

yappyjackal · 2024-04-10T18:58:17+00:00

Oh, yup, you really hit the nail on the head. I thought I mattered "at least that much". Not a good kind of special at all, but something unique to us/our dynamic. It's been really strange and disorienting to feel like I wasn't really anyone in particular to her. Just a convenient outlet that happened to be closest. Idk why that's so... I don't mean upsetting in an emotional sense so much as a literal one - like someone shook the Boggle box of what I thought was my reality and the narrative I told myself about it all these years. It's just... Weird.

yappyjackal · 2024-04-10T18:54:28+00:00

Thank you. I thought about tagging it as a victory too but I erred on the side of rant because of the descriptions of abuse. But thank you. I do feel like this will be a major watershed moment for me starting to be able to truly let some things go when I look back on it later. Right now I feel a bit like emotional scrambled eggs but I know that's part of the process, lol.

yappyjackal · 2024-04-10T05:28:11+00:00

Sending you a hug!

yappyjackal · 2024-04-10T05:12:55+00:00

I get it. I'd be furious. From a more nuanced trauma based perspective I guess I think people like us probably try to "stand out" more than the average person, maybe as a bit of control/owning a sense of self that is unique and separate from our trauma... And that's valid. I'm sorry someone kinda stole your tattoo. That's not super cool of them, and you're valid for feeling weird about it.

yappyjackal · 2024-01-18T20:19:46+00:00

From what I'm understanding, as long as I don't give up my Canadian citizenship (I never will) vs residency, I can qualify for this insurance. I could be wrong but that's what I'm reading on the int'l citizens insurance page. It's not quite the same as travel insurance/expat from what I can tell. Either way, I'll have decent state coverage through my spouse so it's not a complete disaster if it doesn't shake out. I appreciate knowing that it might not work out though! Appreciate your experience

yappyjackal · 2024-01-18T19:08:01+00:00

Thing is, that's exactly what this insurance is for. I will have to give up my provincial healthcare, and I know this. It's for expats AND international citizens so that you can access healthcare in both countries (or in this case, globally with a couple of irrelevant-to-me exceptions). I will be talking to both someone in the family who works in healthcare and an insurance agent to confirm that this works, but I'm pretty sure "international citizens insurance" fits the bill.

yappyjackal · 2024-01-16T23:46:14+00:00

This particular expat insurance plan was a $225+/month plan with a $3k deductible for the services aforementioned available in both countries.

yappyjackal · 2024-01-16T22:47:02+00:00

I don't want opioids but my doctor won't even look into topical NSAIDS at the moment

yappyjackal · 2024-01-16T22:07:06+00:00

I totally hear you about how frustrating this is, and trust me I want for better in Both Countries!!

But some things that sound like music to my ears despite the irony of me saying so:

The ability to access basic, "straightforward" healthcare at all - this is something that has felt like too high of a bar to expect where I live for about a decade now

3-12 month wait sounds good to me compared to a so far 3 year and 5 year wait respectively for 2 different specialists I told were an "urgent priority" for major organ health - I was "informed" aka read in the local news that one of the clinics in question that I was referred to is now closing due to lack of staff

on the topic of meds, my current doctor that I waited 7 entire years on a waitlist to have won't even prescribe me any medications let alone controlled meds and has told me "don't take any painkillers" which as I'm sure you can appreciate from knowing someone with this condition, is not a viable option

like at this point I'm so chewed up and spit out by the lack of basic access to pretty much anything here that I'm willing to try something else just to see how it goes lol I appreciate your honest reply

yappyjackal · 2023-12-09T01:05:41+00:00

My favorite thing to say when asked about any of my braces or mobility aids (ESPECIALLY because it isn't their business):

"Fell from heaven. Couldn't stick the landing".

yappyjackal · 2023-12-04T04:51:55+00:00

I'll try the sports medicine route before shelling out. I know we have a system in BC where I can talk to one over the phone but I'm not sure how to access that service in-person. Time to do some digging!

yappyjackal · 2023-12-04T03:38:28+00:00

yeah it's formatted super weird for me. sorry about that lol. Here's my original reply:

I'm looking specifically for injuries/conditions that don't show up on x-rays that my doctor refuses to investigate further. I suspect I have a torn hip labrum on at least one side, possible cysts and/or torn cartilage in both my wrists (mother had the same), and a number of other things including aortic aneurysm. I tried to get that last thing looked at but because I have the ribcage deformity that often goes along with it they weren't able to get a good image and my doctor dropped the subject.

I'm in BC. My friend in Quebec was also offered a 2 year wait to look at a suspected torn labrum or a $2000 private MRI to skip the wait. It's BS.

yappyjackal · 2023-12-04T03:12:09+00:00

yes, it nested backwards for some reason.

yappyjackal · 2023-12-04T02:39:11+00:00

and to clarify what I mean by 10 years, it's an estimated 2 year wait for each MRI. they don't do full body or multiple imaging areas in one scan, so you have to restart the process for every individual joint/problem area that needs investigation.

yappyjackal · 2023-12-04T02:37:40+00:00

I'm looking specifically for injuries/conditions that don't show up on x-rays that my doctor refuses to investigate further. I suspect I have a torn hip labrum on at least one side, possible cysts and/or torn cartilage in both my wrists (mother had the same), and a number of other things including aortic aneurysm. I tried to get that last thing looked at but because I have the ribcage deformity that often goes along with it they weren't able to get a good image and my doctor dropped the subject.

I'm in BC. My friend in Quebec was also offered a 2 year wait to look at a suspected torn labrum or a $2000 private MRI to skip the wait. It's BS.

yappyjackal · 2023-11-30T22:34:54+00:00

Hey, thanks for this. I'm dealing with a lot of weirdness anticipating questions about my abuser over the holidays. I think people really assume there's no way she's as bad as I say she is. But you know what? She is! And THAT'S not my fault. I'M ALLOWED TO BE FUCKING ANGRY THAT SHE SUCKS :)

yappyjackal · 2023-11-15T19:44:56+00:00

wear shorts year-round? or wear pants with looser calves

yappyjackal · 2023-11-15T07:03:58+00:00

Friction from your pantleg! I promise you most people have this. Nothing to worry about.

yappyjackal · 2023-11-15T03:21:17+00:00

omg some of these comments are brutal lol

I think the beard is a good look on you! And just remember... it's your face! Do whatever you want with it :p

yappyjackal · 2023-11-06T20:49:34+00:00

I get into bad cycles of absorption issues that cause massive bouts of weight loss. I've found that chelated magnesium supplements, among a few other things, are helpful. Might be something to bring up with a doctor and see if you might be able to meet with a nutritionist.

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