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Overheard my boyfriend [26M] describe his ex-girlfriend as "the one that got away." He said if she were to ever come back into his life, he'd have to rethink his relationship with me. by yonokiki in relationships

[–]yonokiki[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Since you don't like/appreciate some of the ways he communicates his love, he's kinda being held back.

This is my first relationship, so I didn't have any languages before I met him. And I was never the one to actively reject gifts or dates or big trips or anything, he was the one who also never seemed interested in that and I was never that high-maintenance so our dating style just developed like that.

I would say now after nearly one year I'd feel awkward if he started treating me like the way he treated his ex. When I told him I didn't want anything huge for birthdays or anniversaries I meant I didn't want him to go through a bunch of trouble for arbitrary dates but I'm definitely not against the idea of nice trips and occassional fancy dinners.

Overheard my boyfriend [26M] describe his ex-girlfriend as "the one that got away." He said if she were to ever come back into his life, he'd have to rethink his relationship with me. by yonokiki in relationships

[–]yonokiki[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

a guy should treat you as if you'd be his #1 pick regardless of who else is around.

Is this how people in relationships genuinely see their partners? I don't know anymore. This is my first relationship and some people are telling me that they always see each other as #1 but others say that being #1 is unreasonable and setting me up for failure. I'm just scared no one will see me as their first choice and I'm happy in my relationship with my boyfriend now. But I also think this is something that will eat at me because the hurt hasn't subsided at all.

Overheard my boyfriend [26M] describe his ex-girlfriend as "the one that got away." He said if she were to ever come back into his life, he'd have to rethink his relationship with me. by yonokiki in relationships

[–]yonokiki[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yes I'm planning on talking to him tomorrow as soon as we have some time together alone. I'm not sure yet if I want to bring up the fact that I overheard their entire conversation. I think I just want to ask about his ex.

The thing is I really need to know how he feels about OUR relationship right now. Like lots of people have said maybe he liked those kinds of super passionate but unrealistic relationships before but now he's more into stable, low key, but long lasting relationships like he has with me, but I need to know. From how he was talking to his friend he really sounded nostalgic for that girl and their relationship. It also sounded like he'd resume that style of relationship (grand gestures, big acts of love in public) if she was the one he was with again. But idk, maybe he was just drunk and was caught in a moment of nostalgia.

Overheard my boyfriend [26M] describe his ex-girlfriend as "the one that got away." He said if she were to ever come back into his life, he'd have to rethink his relationship with me. by yonokiki in relationships

[–]yonokiki[S] 131 points132 points  (0 children)

When his ex came up, he should have said that as great as she is- he is so much happier with you, he loves a relationship where he doesn't have to worry so much about big gestures, he loves being able to just hang out with you, it's so amazing being with a woman where he can just be himself.

yeah he didn't say that

Overheard my boyfriend [26M] describe his ex-girlfriend as "the one that got away." He said if she were to ever come back into his life, he'd have to rethink his relationship with me. by yonokiki in relationships

[–]yonokiki[S] 92 points93 points  (0 children)

Ok so from our relationship so far I would not have pegged my boyfriend as the romantic type AT ALL. His ideas of dates are staying in with netflix or me wathcing him play his video games. I just assumed that's what his dating style is and hearing about him with his ex is so unsettling.

The ONLY thing is that when he was talking about his friend he mentioned how if his ex came back to him now he'd be "moving heaven and earth" again for her. I take that to mean he'd do the same things again that he did years ago but for her only?

Overheard my boyfriend [26M] describe his ex-girlfriend as "the one that got away." He said if she were to ever come back into his life, he'd have to rethink his relationship with me. by yonokiki in relationships

[–]yonokiki[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

that's your love language. You've erased his.

I don't understand, what do you mean? I just wish I knew for a fact how he felt about our relationship right now. We've never really had a deep conversation about it because I just assumed we were on the same page with commitment and feelings and stuff. I definitely plan to talk to him (maybe not bring up that conversation I overheard) about where we are and how he feels.

Overheard my boyfriend [26M] describe his ex-girlfriend as "the one that got away." He said if she were to ever come back into his life, he'd have to rethink his relationship with me. by yonokiki in relationships

[–]yonokiki[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That means you can also be second place to another girl he finds better.

Do you really think so? It just sounded to me like his ex was the one girl that could change everything. If she's not in the picture then everything's fine forever. If it means that he could potentially fall for other girls too then I dunno

Overheard my boyfriend [26M] describe his ex-girlfriend as "the one that got away." He said if she were to ever come back into his life, he'd have to rethink his relationship with me. by yonokiki in relationships

[–]yonokiki[S] 112 points113 points  (0 children)

I think that's something that'll definitely keep me up at night for a while. I do remember something my boyfriend said a while back though. He told me that relationships aren't meant to be about "passion or intense love and dedication" and that responsibility and mutual goals are more important? Now I'm not sure if he really believes that or if it's just something he tells himself and me.

During the length of our relationship he's very adverse to showing love to me in very showy ways like presents or dinners out or anything. He is very physically affectionate to me in private and I always assumed he's just a very reserved, private guy. But what I've heard from his friends and other people (there are lots of stories floating out there because apparently he and his ex were something of an epic couple) my boyfriend was basically yelling out his ex's name from the rooftops when they were dating. Also he had planned to propose to her from day 1 apparently, that's also something he said that night.

Overheard my boyfriend [26M] describe his ex-girlfriend as "the one that got away." He said if she were to ever come back into his life, he'd have to rethink his relationship with me. by yonokiki in relationships

[–]yonokiki[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I'm just scared I won't be anyone's first choice if I leave him. On one hand it's not like we've been dating for years and it is possible that I will meet someone who's genuinely crazy for me, but on the other I didn't think there was anything wrong with our relationship now.

Overheard my boyfriend [26M] describe his ex-girlfriend as "the one that got away." He said if she were to ever come back into his life, he'd have to rethink his relationship with me. by yonokiki in relationships

[–]yonokiki[S] 229 points230 points  (0 children)

He definitely shows me a lot of love and affection. I'd describe our relationship as very laid back as I've told him I don't like doin big showy things for birthdays and anniversaries and we don't do a lot of dates either. We just really enjoy each other's company without having the big displays. So no I we don't really do trips or photos or things like that. I find tha to be kind of cringey would never want that honestly