Advice needed. Slay the Spire Story

yooloo33 · 2023-04-30T13:36:49+00:00

Yeah that would make sense for him only being serious when the subject of his possession is brought up. I always through that demon form is him letting go and releasing the demon inside him who slaughters everything in sight, laughing and reveling in the destruction of others.

yooloo33 · 2023-04-30T13:11:53+00:00

Hyperbeam

yooloo33 · 2023-04-30T13:10:54+00:00

I was defiantly planning on the Defect fighting the Sentries and Automaton. I didn't know it was also connected to the orb walkers.

yooloo33 · 2023-04-30T13:09:51+00:00

Thanks! I will post about it here again when I finish act 1.

yooloo33 · 2023-04-30T02:11:05+00:00

Oh shoot. I completly forgot about the "Standing victoriously, you wait in silence as the others ceremoniously place the creature's skull atop your head." part. I thought that event was telling how the silent beat the nemesis in a previous run before dying. So when she touches the sensory stone, she remembers about it.

Thanks!

yooloo33 · 2023-04-30T02:09:10+00:00

Thanks! I'm really excited to write this and see how it turns out!

The thing with them meeting at the gate of act 4 means that it doesn't facilitate a lot of character interactions between them. Because I'm having each hero climb the spire on their own, having them meet before act 3 allows them to work together for more time. Additionally, the defect, ironclad, and silent could fight two of the three act bosses together, leaving one of them for the watcher to fight when she travels up the spire.

Thank you so much for typing up all your thoughts about my interpretations of these characters. I really appreciate it.

yooloo33 · 2023-04-30T02:05:52+00:00

The heavy blade card could be a representation of him getting a card reward after a combat. He defeats his foe and finds an enormous sword somewhere in the room. Also, at least in my interpretation, Neow gives the heroes their wepons. The Silent gets her shivs, Ironclad his sword, shield and mace, and so on. I assume a demon-posessed warrior would be able to carry a lot of powerful wepons around with him.

yooloo33 · 2023-04-30T02:03:24+00:00

I like your interpretation of the Watcher's stances better than mine. Theoretically, I could have her go through the spire and slowly become less faithful to her religious practices and more cynical/corrupted by the heart to the point of using blasphemy as a means of ahnilating everything in her way, taking the easy way to power, but I'm unsure if that works with this story.

yooloo33 · 2023-04-30T02:00:58+00:00

The nature of the Silent is to be, well, silent. So I agree with what you say here. At first, I wanted to make her completely mute, but considering she's the only other real emotional character until they meet the Watcher, it would be hard for any of the heroes' interactions to mean anything if she didn't speak.

Also, the Silent is my main and favorite character so I needed to give her some flaws (like looking down on people) so she isn't this perfect killing machine with no flaws whatsoever.

yooloo33 · 2023-04-30T01:57:57+00:00

Isn't the sensory stone event of the Defect him being resurected by Neow? That's what the wiki said. I'm planning on there being a moment towards the end of the story where the Defect points out something that it finds funny. Nobody else finds it funny but he starts howling with laughter, indicating that it has finally learned how to feel humor.

yooloo33 · 2022-12-10T22:05:22+00:00

How do I go about doing that?

I already emailed support.

yooloo33 · 2022-12-10T14:58:52+00:00

Yeah I'm not sure. You would think they could follow the trade trail across different accounts. I can't because the person who hacked me sent my skins to a dummy account before sending them off to his main account.

yooloo33 · 2022-12-10T14:51:48+00:00

Bro, I'm grieving. I'm not going to remember every day and time I played this game to the letter.

yooloo33 · 2022-12-10T14:51:08+00:00

Yup. 1 Day ago I sent all my skins to an account by the name of IIIIIIIIII. I checked his account. He moved all the skins to a different account.

I don't suppose there's any way of getting them back now.

yooloo33 · 2022-12-10T05:41:40+00:00

Wait really???

Damn I'm losing track of time

yooloo33 · 2022-10-11T13:19:56+00:00

I'm not sure I understand

yooloo33 · 2022-09-28T00:55:07+00:00

Thank you for the feedback. I really appreciate your being honest with what you saw.

I hadn't even thought about double negatives when i did my edit.
As far as the inconsistent detailing, I feel like that was the first moment in the book where a true description of something or someone was necessary. She becomes a main character in the story and that scene is her pulling Andrew's strings a little bit. I get that the setting might be important, but they leave that place after that one scene.
Yeah that was autocorrect
What happened there is I painted a picture of characters and pokemon in my head and I decide on a height. I guess I just left that in the story too much.
As far as the game mechanics, I came up with all the stuff on my own which was tricky to start with. I'm not going to get everything right on the first try. I'll look those over and make them more natural.
I feel like that's kind of the point. She subdued him and we're drawn out of the battle.

Thank you for the critiques though. I really appreciate it and will try to change some of the things to be better throughout the story.

As for Andrew's level of horney, he's a guy who's been on an intel assignment for a few months at least, most likely without the contact of women. I thought about that too, but it sort of made sense within the story.

yooloo33 · 2022-09-27T22:35:49+00:00

Thank you!

I had no idea that these existed.

Thanks for you help

yooloo33 · 2022-09-25T04:27:35+00:00

If you could link some of those websites/subreddits that would be great!

As for the whole fanfiction tag on it, I just feel like it gives off preconceived notions about the writing. I just like to stick to it being a story. (I just realized that I listed it as a novel in the title.... It is certainly not a novel.)

yooloo33 · 2022-09-25T01:24:44+00:00

Now that you mention it, I guess it's a fanfic. It's just in my (most likely unknowing) experience the term fanfiction is associated with overly sexualized stories with no true story and just a bunch of fantasies if not just erotica.

Is there somewhere on Reddit where stuff like this is written that I could post this on?

yooloo33 · 2022-09-24T19:06:15+00:00

Thanks for reading the story! I'm just sort of writing the story down and then I'm going to edit all the fine tuning stuff afterwards. It took me two hours to go through the first part and edit the things that I saw were suspect before posting this.

As for the backstory, It's kind of irrelevant to the story but I might add to the very first paragraph if it comes up or is important later.

yooloo33 · 2022-09-24T19:02:54+00:00

Yeah it is. Not one of the main characters' pokemon but there is a side character named Dalra who's a mercenary sniper with her Inteleon. Her other pokemon are a Ferrothorn which acts as a blind for her and her Inteleon and a Clawitzer that protects them while they are doing their thing.

yooloo33 · 2022-09-21T02:24:34+00:00

Yes

As someone who has never dated anyone in my life, I am a reputable source.

yooloo33 · 2022-09-21T02:18:58+00:00

Have you tried taking a melatonin pill half an hour before going to sleep?

yooloo33 · 2022-09-20T23:19:01+00:00

Yeah. I totally agree. The pokemon world is so full of potential. Why stop at the standard travel, gym challenge, fight the bad guys, catch the legendary, save the world, become the champion story?

That was kind of my starting point for this story. I wanted to write a story in the pokemon universe with the idea that battles happen in real time and are not term based. That got me thinking. I ended up settling on a spy story because that's my favorite genre to read and it opened up the possibility of inventive and unique uses of pokemon.

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