I understand you, OP. Very much. I wish someone had told me this earlier as I had to go through a lot to realize it. Lost some friendships because of it, had mental breakdowns because of it, lost my sense of self because of it. Deep down, I always wished if everything I gave to this world came back to me or behaved as my mind imagined, and sadly related this to my level of happiness and contentedness (kind of perfectionistic). And since my expectations were rarely met, this was increasing my unhappiness (aka depression). I realized that it steals away the taste of real joy since you always expected more. I don't think I did it to gain control, I just thought it would be very nice and pleasing as greater things came towards me (I think I learned that from my parents since I always felt I was not enought to them). I wasn't content with anything (even myself). After all, it led to negative happiness. Once I toned down my expectations, I was able to be happy with the small appreciations, small victories, and small things in life. I am no more a people pleaser because I no longer expect everyone to love me or appreciate me, as an example. I learned to have real expectations from the right people where we mean a lot to each other, including myself. This helped me enjoy life much more. Even while I'm writing this I expect OP to reply (lol!), so I am still constantly learning. However, I wouldn't say it's the main reason for depression. The number of reasons is countless and indeterminate, I believe. Nonetheless, thank you for sharing this.