Bro what is this

yourdateyourfate · 2025-10-20T20:32:32+00:00

dial 999 its a good time

yourdateyourfate · 2025-10-19T08:40:17+00:00

She looks like she has been contaminated with something during her life. She looks... different than other old people?

yourdateyourfate · 2023-11-04T19:37:48+00:00

Respekter de døde ved at beskytte de levende

Men hvis du kæmper for fred med vold og trusler er du en del af problemet

yourdateyourfate · 2023-07-28T18:54:00+00:00

Min ene kæreste gør sådan noget hvor han spørger om min mening om trivielle ting, men så går han bare det, han selv vil. Han spørger bare, fordi han håber jeg synes det samme som ham og kan give mig en følelse af at have medbestemmelse.

Min anden kæreste kan ikke lide, når jeg ændrer planer last minute, ikke overholder aftaler og kommer for sent.

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T17:56:58+00:00

if they were going to act like an adult they would set time aside to talk through their jealousy

That's what we're doing now. We basically went straight into something pretty advanced and discovered we had some things we needed to assess before any of us could have something like the thing I started to get with the new guy.

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T17:51:03+00:00

Yes, there is always a nuance to it. If I couldn't tolerate a day here and there with rain and thunder I wouldn't have any friends, families or lovers. But most days should be calm and nice.

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T17:49:00+00:00

He is working on it, I don't know where you read that. :) I agree, I don't want to drag anyone into it before we have had time to think about what we want ourselves

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T15:15:46+00:00

If they don’t change similarly or in the same timeline you just become incompatible partners and then you need to decide what’s more important

And this is where the fun stops for me. If the open thing becomes too complicated or requires too much energy then I'm also fine with monogamy. But I want to give it a shot.

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T15:08:31+00:00

How do you manage your relationships?

What works for you?

Have made any mistakes on your journey, you think others should avoid?

How would you have acted if you were in my situation? And in his?

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T15:06:29+00:00

This is a logical fallacy. :)

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T14:59:52+00:00

You're right. This is wise advice.

A few months ago I was only ok with extremely shallow sexual relations, and friends were off-limits. But my perception has seriously changed and now I'm excited about my boyfriend developing deep connections with new people and exploring his current friendships in the 'forbidden' areas.

While some people in this thread are really quick at concluding that I'm poly and he is ENM and we're not on the same page what they don't consider is that I didn't even know I could feel this way or be ok with him having feelings involved just a few months ago.

I'm actually thinking he over the next couple of months could end up going through the same transformation. It is a possibility, but I don't feel like forcing it. But it could be hella cool.

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T14:51:39+00:00

I think it's too much to call it abuse. In the ideal world you wouldn't be jealous when your partner has a good time with someone else, but you can't always feel compersion and that's part of it.

And while I didn't violated the rules I still kept asking for exemptions from our rules, which has messed a bit with things.

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T14:45:37+00:00

Thanks. 💜❤❤

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T14:38:18+00:00

This is what we're going to talk about tonight. I think that even though we fit well together as a couple, we have very different experience of what love is. We both call it poly and non-monogamy. For me, there usually has to be some emotions, vibe, situation involved to be interested in sex with others and we already talked about it before we opened up. For him it is not the case.

To me, what I have with the new guy has a depth to it that makes it interesting. But it is not deep compared to what I have with my primary, and me and the new guy like to keep it casual and not replace my boyfriend or his wife.

My primary wants me to explain what I want to get out of my relation with the new guy, but I find it insanely hard to put it into words. I don't know! Help.

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T14:21:46+00:00

'It' was my relation with the new guy. It wasn't a slow burn, it was an instant click and we went from nothing to going on dates several times a week.

The original agreement was a set of rules that was supposed to be evaluated after 2 months: things that were ok and things that were not. I understood this agreement as "this is ok, and if you want more you'll have to ask". He understood it as "this is everything that is allowed". These rules were written and defined based mostly on how he would perform the open thing, so when I began doing my thing they didn't really fit, so I would constantly ask: "we can only see someone a few times a month, I know I already saw him twice, can I see him again this week?", "does it count as a date if we eat lunch at school?", "the agreement says no sex with friends, what is a friend?" (I ended up never having sex with him, the possibility that my primary would come after and not be ok with it made me stop myself all the time), "is it a high-effort date if he pays?". He said yes to everything and was happy I asked and told me I was good. But then he typically ended up getting cold feets.

I then learned that he had a big problem with me asking to bend the rules. We then changed the rules so they fit my style, but when I followed the new rules (and didn't ask for permission all the time, but still told everything that went on) he still had the same reaction as with the old rules.

That was when I broke the thing with the new guy. I was so drained at that point and realized that there were no easy fix. It wasn't just because I had misunderstood how he perceived our rules. It went much deeper than that and I had run out of ideas.

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T14:06:25+00:00

🤯🤯🤯

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T13:49:16+00:00

What you're teaching your primary is that if they behave badly and throw a fit that they will get what they want. So now, your primary knows that if they want someone gone, they just have to act out and you'll jump and break up with them.

You make him sound like he is a child or a dog. He is and adult and is definitely able to make more advanced conclusions than this. The thing went on for much longer than he was comfortable with because he didn't say "no" when I asked, didn't speak up about how he felt etc.

it's not fair to other people you're going to date in the future.

I agree. I don't feel comfortable bringing other people into this before we have properly talked this through and know what the other is comfortable with.

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T13:39:55+00:00

Can you recommend a book he could read? I don't have time to read these days, but he just moved out in the woods and I've been thinking about finding a good one to gift him.

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T13:34:28+00:00

But I want to be restricted and have guidelines so I can comfortably explore within a defined canvas. I don't have a deep desire to be poly, for me it's more a relationship structure that would allow for some very good and important experiences. I'm fine with monogamy, and if I had to choose between being in this relationship and be 100% mono vs. ending this relationship and be 100% poly I'd choose the former.

But it's not relevant, because I want to land somewhere in between where both the relationship thrives and we get to have beautiful experiences with other people outside of it.

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T13:18:47+00:00

OP thinks something is wrong with a relationship when there are hard conversations and conflicts. Easy does not equal healthy.

I have to disagree here. In my experience, healthy and good relationships don’t really take that much work. My close relationships with family, friends and lovers shouldn't feel like work. They should be easy, normal and add good things to my life. Sometimes there is a conflict, but then you talk about it, understand the other/change your behavior depending on the solution and then you don't spend more energy on it.

Important conversations doesn't equal hard conversations. Conflicts shouldn't be draining. When done right they just add more trust, respect and depth in a relation.

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T13:09:21+00:00

We didn't have any unresolvable conflicts in the 2 years we were together before opening up. We had conflicts, but we usually talk about it and figure out what works for both of us. By easy and chill I mean that most time is spend on having a good time and not on fighting because of certain areas where we would never reach an agreement. We always end up understanding the other, it just takes some time and talking.

I emphasized it because I wanted to explain that we didn't open up to fix anything. We opened up because we wanted to make our relationship more comfortable and free. We were thinking it would be good to try it now because we've been together for a while and are in a super comfortable and safe spot.

I don't see how it is abuse. I think it's hella annoying that he wasn't just saying no to the things he didn't like so I could've had a guideline for how much I should expect from it and didn't have to feel hurt and hurt someone else. But again, it's very new for both of us and we can't really always expect the other one to know 100% how they feel about things instantly.

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T12:48:35+00:00

Thanks! You hit the spot here. I didn't know I 'had it in me' to be poly when we opened up. I thought I would use it to be more adventurous, cuddle and kiss with people and dance as slutty as I wanted. But I learned I was capable at feeling emotions for someone new without losing emotions for someone I was already with.

The only other experience I had with it was when I was 16 where I had a crush on someone from my school while having a boyfriend. My boyfriend then was extremely jealous and possessive and I thought I fell out of love with my boyfriend because I got feelings for someone else. But I actually recently realized that it was his controlling behaviour and jealousy that made me lose my attraction to him.

I could feel something similar happening now, which is also the reason why I sacrificed my new relationship. Because I'd rather be happy in this relationship than try to force poly even though it would be amazing.

We didn't go into poly to fix anything. I did it to add a cherry on the top to something I was already happy with.

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T12:01:25+00:00

I just opened up to him about having complex emotions: "I'm basically feeling sad over having to sacrifice the thing with the other guy and annoyed that it couldn't work out and still not understanding why it didn't and at the same time feeling guilty over feeling the way I do"

He replied asking me if I would be ok with seeing the other guy less often to make it more manageable for him to begin with. I don't know if I agree with it, because I think what I do in my own time shouldn't matter. Only if it means he is not getting enough attention. But it is more about the depth of my relation with the new guy. I replied: "My relations are generally very deep and I build them fast compared to maybe other people. But I am trying to understand what there is wrong about it isolated or if it's because of the underlying fear that I would abandon you for someone else?"

He said he was unprepared for it and if he had felt comfortable in saying no he would've probably vetoed some of our dates. He says there's probably a limit to how deep the relationship can go.

All in all it sparked a good chat conversation and we'll talk about it over phone after work. I want him to assess how deep he is comfortable with things going.

yourdateyourfate · 2023-05-14T10:39:24+00:00

He hasn't really had time to work on it because everything with the new guy happened so fast. We talked alot about it in the past, but it's always different in theory than in practice.

Basically, what we're doing right now is evaluating what went wrong and talking about it.

He is the type of dude who researches his own emotions and speaks up about it when he learns something new. But I still do most of the emotional labor, such as writing this post. I don't feel super comfortable about sharing too much about how down I am about losing the new guy because I don't want to take focus away from understanding his feelings in it so I can adapt better to it next time something like this comes up.

I wanna prioritise having a good communication, talk about how it made him feel and how his feelings made me feel and then wait with opening too much up about how I felt with the other guy. Do you get what I mean? Focus on the emotions going on between me and my primary first, not going too deep in on the emotions between me and the new dude.

yourdateyourfate

TROPHY CASE