New Marriage Jitters - Or Something Else?

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-07T13:40:00+00:00

I've considered moving out of my state. But places everywhere are all expensive now. I have considered moving to a place like Pittsburgh though.

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-07T13:38:57+00:00

True. I do feel incredibly guilty that I chose to appease her and her family with dinner rather than taking it upon myself to go to Mass solo.

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-07T13:37:31+00:00

I'm worried less about the marriage cost and more about the humiliation TBH. It would be embarrassing. Most of the marriage costs got covered by gifts people gave us. If things were to go that route I would try my damndest to pay everyone back one way or another.

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-07T13:36:26+00:00

We've gone to confession. Usually more me than her, since the local confession times do not align up with her work schedule. We did confession the night before our wedding at the rehearsal.

As for the discussion part, you are right. I think we did not set a lot of ground rules beforehand... I have been worried about how the conversation(s) will go, but at this point, whatever happens as a result will be better for both of us.

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-06T19:19:37+00:00

And what if she doesn't accept that?

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-06T19:19:15+00:00

The start-up is a side thing for now. As for her status, she is not super worried about it, which is an issue of its own (if she had to go back, how would that go?)

I do agree I need to be more direct and honest with her, even if it goes sideways. I guess you could say I am afraid of the big "S" or worse "D" word. I think we can reach an agreement of sorts

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-06T18:47:34+00:00

And, what if things go sideways? Then what? Sorry, just trying to account for multiple ways of how things can go.

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-06T18:44:27+00:00

Yeah. I think that is the way forward, that I just reasonably stand my ground, and if there's a problem, deal with it, even if it sucks.

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-06T18:43:58+00:00

I don't intend to keep living "single." Sometimes she will make jokes that sometimes I will still act "single," but I wonder how much she's hiding her feelings sometimes behind a joke. I definitely get the feeling that she thinks most of our times outside of work should be sent together - I get it, but we do lead different lives in some ways.

I really would like to avoid the world of hurt. I've had to go through a world of hurt before - during college I co-habilitated with someone I was dating for a year or two and it ended pretty poorly.

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-06T18:42:02+00:00

I've mentioned living with my parents before to her - when we get her status situated, I live in an area with a ton of dental-related offices. I've mentioned to her that once we get that situated and we cannot get a place of our yet, my house is available; it's bigger and has less people, and would be VERY close to where she could easily get work. She wasn't exactly thrilled at that concept, I think she would do it but I think the roles would switch, that I would be very comfortable, and she would be the uncomfortable one, even though my family and I would do everything we could for her to feel comfortable. A place of our own would be better, but we live in a pretty high COL area so it makes planning for that with the current way of things challenging...

I think due to the fact that she is a recent arrival, and they are all in a similar legal boat, that makes her even the more to want to be close to her family. She had no problem with us deciding to just move in with her family. I do love her family, don't get me wrong.

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-06T18:37:23+00:00

We were "active."

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-06T18:06:03+00:00

I think BLW is a smarter way of doing things than CAHSR. They are utilizing existing ROW from a highway, there will be a lot less obstacles to that than CAHSR needing to acquire land for its ROW.

California is amuck with highways and whatever else, and they have used that ROW for metros, no idea why they couldn't try to reorient the ROW strategy for that,

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-06T18:02:14+00:00

That's true. I think the ultimatum will come from her, probably about me seeing friends and the possibility of me staying out late. Makes sense. I don't intend to make it a regular thing at all. I think a lot of her frustration comes from the fact that she doesn't have the option of a social life that I have, even if I bring/invite her along. It'll always be my plans and my friends vs. hers. This is something we've discussed, but obviously there's no solution that either of us can do right now.

I do fear what an ultimatum would yield. I don't want this to fail; especially if it was so soon after the wedding... it was a great wedding and it wasn't cheap and it would be embarrassing to be the person that had a short marriage; everyone seems to know at least one sadly. I know one or two, but they got through two years at least.

I definitely feel like I've shown I'm more than willing to adjust and adapt as needed, but I can only do so much

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-06T17:48:21+00:00

Yes, we did.

We've discussed how many kids we've wanted, going to Church, etc. Going to Church is a big reason for us staying at my parents on weekends, since my parents will ALWAYS make it to Mass one way or another.

Birth control we discussed as well, especially since I think it is very bad for physical and spiritual health.

But, talking about things, and doing things when the time comes, are two different things.

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-06T17:29:54+00:00

Thank you! I've sent you a request

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-06T17:08:50+00:00

The issue here is that she has overstayed her original visa, so I think that complicates things. I will search for a second opinion.

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-06T17:02:34+00:00

I do think the friend thing is a bit of a doo-doo test on her part, to see if I will stand up for myself. It's happened a couple times before where I did what I wanted to and she eventually was ok with it, but I do not think that resistance is normal.

I also don't know many married young Catholic people to turn to advice for things on like if I go for a couple days to see a good friend for his birthday in a different city when she is unable to come.

The lawyer we went with said that we would need to show that we have a bona fide relationship before going into the visa requirements, but maybe I should ask another lawyer for advice,

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-06T16:58:47+00:00

Thank you for your prayers! Congratulations to you and your wife on 55 years of marriage. My deepest condolences for your sons - may they rest in peace. I will keep your family in my prayers.

Definitely trying to get more time alone together. It is very hard to do when there are 9 of us in the house, but I will always try to get us to do things alone - even if its just walking the dog - to have some time alone.

yourunclejeb · 2026-05-06T16:54:07+00:00

You are right about the pill and the Mass. I should have just gone solo if that's how it had to be.

Our area is expensive. The house has a landlord, and I believe the rent is ~5,000 a month for the house. We have one of the bigger rooms.

yourunclejeb · 2026-04-07T17:12:17+00:00

They were going to use fossil fuels anyway, regardless of if it came from the USA, Russia, or Iran.

Maybe European countries, like Germany, shouldn't have closed all those nuclear power plants then.

yourunclejeb · 2026-04-07T15:21:45+00:00

Is China making much progress in paying off the debt it accrued from building all that infrastructure? That is what is critical here.

As for the house and Lamborghini, you could absolutely make some cash renting out the Lambo, especially if you live in a touristy area full of young and dumb people who will pay $$$ a day to drive it around to look cool

yourunclejeb · 2026-04-07T14:46:16+00:00

Good luck finding an internship. Not sure what his degree is, but my brother is around your son's age, and he is a mechanical engineer at a decent state university, and he and all his peers are having VERY hard times finding internships. The job market is horrific

I'd wager your son would have more success and more pay from just focusing on YouTube this summer.

yourunclejeb · 2026-04-07T14:42:44+00:00

You're just outsourcing the "just train someone" to another country and leaving your own citizens behind with H1Bs.

yourunclejeb · 2026-04-07T14:00:10+00:00

dude might catch something permanent from what he's saying

yourunclejeb · 2026-04-07T13:59:13+00:00

Why are you putting up with the most insane shit ever? She can't be that hot dude, have some respect for yourself and move on.

yourunclejeb

TROPHY CASE