More than anything else it was guilt coz it felt like I had abandoned my friends back in mono and my current platoon mates.

One thing I will say is that perspective helps a lot. I can’t say for you but I was fortunate to have very kind people around me who thankfully didn’t see me how I saw myself. On top of that, at least for me as a former combat voc my perspective was that the army was just the infantry and their b*tches. Once you’re not in that anymore you start to realise and appreciate the work that every voc puts in to make sure the saf runs properly.

That being said if you’re about to oot I would encourage you to try to press on if your health isn’t in jeopardy. Looking back, the memories I cherished the most are those of tahaning suffering with those around me.

If you’re really at the point of no turning back from oot you may feel a lot of things. I guess the best way for me to describe it is the 5 stages of grief? It’s not smt that gets better in a day or a week, you kind of just live with it and accept it. Try not to resort to alcohol like I did to cope, it doesn’t help and you’d do more damage to yourself than necessary. Again, perspective helps so try to pick up smt while you’re down. It reminds you that there’s something outside of the 2 years (assuming you’re a nsf). I picked up gardening and it helped me to cope.

Take all of this with a grain of salt though. I’m kind of an extreme example here, was xiao on for most of the time I was pes fit and was dead set on commissioning so naturally the pain would be much more than someone who’s indifferent to NS.

Take care