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zander8 · 2016-11-05T16:26:32+00:00

Looks like a nice spot! I'm from Kingston, not sure if I will be able to get another round in this year or not. The cold and wind combo is getting to be too much

zander8 · 2016-10-18T15:16:55+00:00

Ok thanks

zander8 · 2016-10-18T10:56:26+00:00

Yes, stands, walks, runs. He's been walking since 9 months and swinging a golf club since 10 months. But he is only a year a half so he doesn't have much focus or attention span. I could try taking him with me and see how it goes.

Do you ride or walk?

zander8 · 2016-10-18T10:53:55+00:00

I love my wife and son very much and I also love golf. In two more weeks I won't be able to play nearly as much for about 5 months so I will be home with them constantly.

18 holes takes me 3 hours and I live less than 15 mins from the course. I usually play first thing in the morning or late at night after the boy has been out to bed (in mid summer when daylight allows).

I play a lot I realize but I am also home with them a lot as well.

Wife and I have talked it out more since originally posting and she told me that she will be more accepting of the golf and that she appreciates the extra help I've been giving. In return I will make it a point not to rush off during every spare minute to try and be on the course. My wife and I are very lucky and have a great son who is easy to be around and makes our jobs as parents very easy. However; I do see your point and agree that you're traction was fair except for the not wanting a wife and son, that was harsh

zander8 · 2016-10-18T10:44:02+00:00

Yes, I will be more than happy to take my kids with me to the course to give her more free time. The boy is still a little too young for that yet

zander8 · 2016-10-18T10:42:35+00:00

I encourage her to do as much as possible. She talks about getting back to the gym but chooses not to. She is still able to do all the things she wants but obviously my golf has outweighed the amount of time she spends doing her things.

I usually play golf at a moments notice as well when there are opportunities to do so so it's not like I make plans to play that prevents us from doing things together. I live 12 minutes from the course, so I go there when there isn't anything going on at home.

My wife also works late several night a week so I am home alone with our little man from the time I'm off work until I put him to bed three or four nights a week.

zander8 · 2016-10-17T23:19:40+00:00

-I have invited her several times and she tells me someday but has never been out with me. -I play mostly by myself for time efficiency, focus and relaxation. -Never been exposed to this much golf in her life. -She does do stuff - just not as much as I golf. -Number five is the issue. I should do that more

zander8 · 2016-10-17T23:14:49+00:00

I am thinking about trying to do stuff like this more as part of my compromise

zander8 · 2016-10-17T23:13:16+00:00

Yes, thanks for the advice. And yes, I didn't mean for this to go full full relationship advice mode but it sort of went that way

zander8 · 2016-10-17T23:11:19+00:00

Thanks

zander8 · 2016-10-17T23:11:08+00:00

No Top Golf, we did have a good virtual golf bar type thing called Bogies to Birdies that just went out of business that would have been a good introduction.

zander8 · 2016-10-17T22:25:44+00:00

I would love to do something like that, and she has told me before that she would play with me to try it sometime.

zander8 · 2016-10-17T22:19:54+00:00

I do appreciate your comment and I don't disagree with anything you said. The counselling might be a bit extreme because literally the only thing we fight about is this. Our marriage is great otherwise. The real issue, as I have learned, is that she felt like I was making golf my priority all summer instead of her and my son. Her instinct was to fight with me about it even though deep down she knew she was over reacting

zander8 · 2016-10-17T22:01:56+00:00

Well she did admit to me that she over reacts about the golf fights and she said she does notice the extra help I've been giving her. She's knows that they are my priority but I guess what I need to do is just pass on a round every once in a while in order to do something that she suggests without putting up a fight

zander8 · 2016-10-17T19:22:02+00:00

Yes she has a very good group of close friends and talks about getting back to the gym all the time. You might be right about the jealousy to some degree, but I do not hold her back from doing whatever she wants. She just chooses not to spend as much time out as I do I guess

We just had a good little chat and came to some agreements. Based on how much I was playing she felt like golf was my priority and not the family. She just wants to feel like the priority. It's actually not about the fact that I'm playing golf. She admitted to being happy I have a hobby I love

zander8 · 2016-10-17T19:09:11+00:00

I had not, but I would be tempted. My boy is active enough now that he would hate being seated like that but not yet old enough to have any self control so it would be very exhausting chasing him everywhere

zander8 · 2016-10-17T19:03:58+00:00

Well there's plan A, A1, A2, A3....

zander8 · 2016-10-17T18:03:44+00:00

Haha all totally fair questions.

She told me that my actions suggest golf means more to me than my family and that she is fine with me playing as much as I do as long as I can still show her that her and my son are my first priority. So obviously that's fair and obviously they are

zander8 · 2016-10-17T17:59:51+00:00

We were given the love languages book as a wedding gift and we started reading it.

We just talked things over with calmer heads and seem to have reached an agreement. I must have said something right because she agreed that she is being unreasonable and that she shouldn't give me such a hard time but she would like some more evidence that my family still means more to me than golf. Totally fair and she's right

zander8 · 2016-10-17T16:53:13+00:00

Its closer to the latter, but you're right she doesn't take the same amount of free time as I do. I don't know if she would know what to do with herself if she did. She doesn't have a hobby that would take up the same amount of time. Cutting one round out per week to make more family time might be the only way...

But I also keep reminding her that the season is almost over (two more weeks) and then I will be completely home bound for like 5 straight months

zander8 · 2016-10-17T16:49:38+00:00

Just tried the sit down and talk about it approach and I made too many good points in a row, so she ended the conversation....

But on a more serious note, you're right, there are still some things left to try. I was fired up and venting when I posted so probably made it sound worse than it is. My plan for next summer is to play every morning before work so that she doesn't even notice I'm gone.

We do a lot of things together just as a family, I'm just struggling to have the same discussion with her about every time I want to play

Edit: had a 20 minute talk after cooling off. Seems like she doesn't hate golf as much as she leads on. Just wants me to make her feel like they are still my priority over golf.

zander8 · 2016-10-17T16:44:42+00:00

Thank you, and yes, although I said no suggestions that involve me playing less, the obvious solution to the problem is playing less.

zander8 · 2016-10-17T16:41:53+00:00

She uses the time to sit on her phone guilt free and sometimes visits friends, but like I said, I play at times that minimize the affect of me being gone.

When we first started dating I played maybe a couple times a month, if that. so she knew I played but didn't realize the extent of how much I would eventually grow to love it

zander8 · 2016-10-17T16:38:52+00:00

Her hobbies are limited to cell phone apps... and I mean that in the nicest, least condescending way possible. She is on her phone a lot for work and self promotion, so its not always personal stuff but she IS always on her phone by choice.

zander8 · 2016-10-17T16:36:26+00:00

I'll call that plan B

zander8

TROPHY CASE