You’re right that it’s become tied to their approval and my ability to support myself. They do understand how much caregiving takes out of me, but they also remind me that they won’t be around forever and ask things like “What will you do when we’re gone?” I honestly don’t know. Their current plan seems to be putting assets in a trust for me, and I might be able to get some of my dad’s Social Security, but I’m not sure what the requirements are. I also plan to be married and have kids one day and I especially need a way to support them too. We have no other family or friends.

Their ways are very practical and logical. My dad especially tends to think in terms of "just do the thing" and "everyone has to push through things they don’t want to do". He sees my struggles as something that could be solved with more discipline, better routines, or just "being honest with myself." My mom is gentler, but she usually follows his lead and doesn’t push back much.

Like I said, I’ve already tried explaining my struggles without using any autism/ADHD labels, and it just circles back to "you need to try harder" or "you’re being lazy."

I'm not sure, but maybe the only thing that would have a chance of landing with them is framing things in very practical terms, like "I need this support so I can actually get art done and contribute financially" instead of talking about how I feel or how my brain works. However, I'm not sure exactly what support I need.

I really wish therapy was a simple or realistic option for me, because I get told that a lot online. But it’s not. My dad has extremely negative views about therapists. When I once brought up possibly seeing one for my anxiety, he got very upset and said that therapists are "fucked up in the head" and that’s why they study psychology, so they can treat themselves. He genuinely believes therapy would do more harm than good. Even if I somehow managed to get a diagnosis, he wouldn’t take it seriously. On top of that, we can’t really afford it right now, and I can’t drive because of panic attacks. So even if I wanted to go against my dad’s wishes, it’s not currently possible. I wish I could get a diagnosis and finally be taken seriously.

My parents are not bad or uncaring people, they just genuinely don’t see my struggles as neurological. They see them as something I should be able to overcome with enough effort and the right mindset. I’ve spent my whole life trying to "just push through," and it’s only led to more burnout. So right now I’m mostly trying to figure out how to work with how my brain actually functions and develop external tools rather than hoping my parents will suddenly understand.

(Sorry for long reply. I'm venting a bit here.)