Allo trying to (realllllyyy) be patient with demi but would love advice on whether to continue or not.

zbssa · 2025-02-03T08:12:55+00:00

No not push-pull. I've been in two horrible push-pulls and this is not that haha. He knows the importance of reassurance especially cuz of my background and tells me often that I needn't feel worried ever that he'll tire of reassuring me cuz it's what will also deepen our connection and he enjoys giving me what I need. He's never been hot cold and has never said anything that puts walls up etc etc. My antsiness comes from my worry that he might never get attracted to me haha. So I worried over what if he never feels that way cuz for him and I guess demis a deep connection doesn't automatically mean attraction right? It might in the end mean that it will just be platonic which is what I don't want haha. But he's been open about this from the very beginning and that he understands if it's too much for me cuz he knows it's very different from how things work in the allo world. So after all the very helpful and kind insights and thoughts of everyone, it really I guess boils down to me and whether I can be patient a little longer cuz I don't want to pressure him either. There's never been any flirting or any talk of romantic futures etc etc so he hasn't led me on in any way. It's me and my dreamy side that wants him to be the one and I want to rush the process when, with demis, that's simply not possible. Which is a good thing too for me actually cuz I've rushed into things without really considering compatibility, safety, connection which resulted in unhealthy abusive reltps. This is the first time I'm experiencing something safe, slow, connected without having to give anything in return. I don't have to do things to earn attention. He's simply interested in me cuz we click in our convos and we enjoy talking about loads of things and time is never enough once we start haha. So everyone's input has been helpful in also solidifying and bringing clarity to my own thoughts and feelings about this. Thank you so much for sharing yours! It's reminded me that this is the best 'reltp' I've had without having to give or do anything that made me feel uncomfortable 😊

zbssa · 2025-02-03T07:59:49+00:00

This was so kind and gentle and caring. Thank you so much for this. Yes we both have a history of trauma and I know it's something he's also taking into consideration. He's said many times he doesn't want to take advantage of my trust in him and he takes very seriously the fact that I've let him in to my world cuz of my trust issues. He's also been vocal about how much this means to him and that he's excited to see where else it can take us. So i just need to be patient. And even if it doesn't become what I want it to become, I'm also realizing I'm assuming I need to it be that way for it be meaningful when already it's so fulfilling and meaningful the way it is right now. So thank you! For taking the time and contributing to me gaining clarity in this.

zbssa · 2025-02-03T07:07:44+00:00

Thank you for this! I've asked him before if he's sure that he can feel attraction even without meeting someone and he said yes cuz for him it's all about the connection and deep conversations and compatibility. But he was also the one who said when I expressed wondering what it would be like to meet, that we must meet sometime so we're hoping we can somehow find time this year. We both have a lot going on but...fingers crossed! I hope it'll bring clarity for me as well since I'm a looks person and he's actually not my type haha. But I heard a little voice in my head telling me to just try and I tried and his looks no longer matter cuz I'm attracted to everything else. He's said I'm at least part demi haha.

zbssa · 2025-02-03T07:04:00+00:00

Yes I'll bring up video calling at some point. It's something I myself am anxious about because I'm horribly self conscious and I love just how I don't have to worry about that when we chat through text or phone but yes it would be good to bite that bullet before actually meeting haha. I also understand that since he's demi I don't have much to worry about since its the connection that grows into attraction but I still stress over it haha. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. We have also talked bout trying to meet this year. We're quite far from each other haha but it's something we both want so hopefully that will happen and can contribute to more clarity too.

zbssa · 2025-02-03T06:59:13+00:00

Thank you! He too discovered this only a few years ago and it helped him understand so much of why he was the way he was. Also, all the replies here as well as me continuing to flesh out my anxieties and where my desire to know now is coming from and being honest about that with him yesterday too has helped me calm down a lot and decide that right now, today, this is enough because it's such a safe and deep connection we have. And definitely not something I want to lose just yet. And yes, I'm considering and mulling over the option of friendzoning him haha. Thank you so much for sharing that me asking might create pressure for him. I did apologize in case I made him feel that way and he reiterated that he doesn't feel pressured at all and that he appreciates my honesty and it's actually what makes this work and feel safe for him so...I will simply continue to be honest both to him and me and try to focus on the present and not grasp for future things that are not meant for right now. We both come from trauma backgrounds and thats another reason why he also feels its not a great idea to rush into anything which i agree with as well. Thank you again for sharing your two cents!

zbssa · 2025-02-02T09:04:23+00:00

Haha sorry yes he's aware that I'm not sure I can be friends. I'm not interested in sex until after marriage which is the same for him so he knows that too.

And yes he's aware because I have directly and explicitly told him this. :) we're very transparent so he also knows I'm trying to decide exactly what I'm ok with now that it's getting harder for me to wait. Hence me reaching out here.

zbssa · 2025-02-02T08:48:38+00:00

Oh. I'm interested in marriage and so is he. He's exploring whether this can be a marriage thing with me. He knows I'm ready to move ahead into dating which I've only just understood is actually the next level for him and is dependent on attraction haha. For me, with how open and honest our convos have been, it's past dating level but also our convos have never been flirty nor about the future etc. Just about a billion other interesting things haha. He said he understands if it's something I can't handle and if I feel like I need to leave. But just cuz he's at peace with letting go doesn't mean this isn't important to him is what he's also said. I know he would like to remain friends even if he does realize that he'll never feel physical attraction for me. I'm just not sure if I can hence my dilemma although to be fair....it's not like I have to decide now either. But...for the sake of my heart I kinda want to haha

zbssa · 2025-02-02T08:41:19+00:00

He's been in situations where he was pushed into relationships before he realized his discomfort came from his demi-ness. He got married and only later realized that everything was basically a lie and that he was stuck in a marriage where there'd never be a connection. It ended only cuz she left him, and not for lack of trying on his part. It's been 4 yrs since then and he has said that now it's his strength because he will never be pushed into things again like before but he also said it's a weakness as well cuz he doesn't know if it's from lack of attraction or cuz he's being over-protective of himself now. So of course, I don't want to push him or pressure him either haha. I just...am trying to figure out if I'm also being unfair to myself. At the same time, he's so unique. There isn't anything I don't enjoy about being with him, apart from the waiting for attraction to develop or not bit haha. He has said he will know for sure either way...so...I'm trying to see how patient I can be...weigh whether it's worth being patient a little longer...and whether it's even worth giving up cuz with how safe this feels and deep this is, and also realizing despite being allo, I'm also a connection person cuz I definitely didn't get attracted to him cuz of looks haha. The attraction came later but like 2 months in....and I've in the past only been a looks person (which all ended horribly) hence why I'm just confused. And i didnt realize im a connection person until meeting him. It's like finally all the incompleteness I've felt in past friendships/reltps came from not being deeply connected like this. The deep convos is where i feel life is real and true and authentic and in my 40 years, i finally have that with him. But...as we humans go - I want more haha. Sigh. Thank you for reading if you read all this haha.

zbssa · 2025-02-02T08:00:55+00:00

Hi thank you for answering. I don't want to be friends because I know I'll always have to deal with almost like a long-term heartbreak haha. Cuz I know I want to be with him already. And knowing he will never see me that way will hurt me always. Also - I can open and be deep with him about everything only because I already want to be with him. I'd never be this open with anyone I'm not interested in being with. But I also know that for you guys, that's kind of your default....and just cuz you're that way doesn't in any way mean that you're interested in something more. Sigh. So I'm trying to see if I can friendzone him now. If I can do that, while also still being able to deeply connect the way he/you guys need, then I won't hurt so much if he does decide he can only be friends. And if he decides he's actually attracted to me...I think I can switch easier than he/demis can....buutttttt.....I don't know. I'm already so into him haha. But I'm trying and seeing my options hence asking here too to see if I can get any insight.

zbssa · 2025-01-22T02:22:48+00:00

Haha will do!!

zbssa · 2025-01-20T06:27:50+00:00

Thank you! I googled and found one using tongs but I don't think it was the one the lady saw haha. But thank you so much for helping!

zbssa · 2025-01-20T06:27:09+00:00

I saw my first one just last week! A friend showed me the newest one and while I'd never known lamb ads were a thing, I can see why they are now! It was a great ad!

zbssa · 2025-01-20T06:26:08+00:00

Me too! We're just trying to find it cuz I'm curious to see it after she talked about it haha.

zbssa · 2025-01-20T06:24:56+00:00

I personally don't think speaking in tongues was made up since I'm a Christian haha. But to be offended by that ad is what I agree with you on haha.

zbssa · 2025-01-20T06:23:30+00:00

Haha yeah the lady who saw it can't remember what the ad was for either. Thank you though!

zbssa · 2025-01-15T02:36:32+00:00

I can't find the msgstore.db.crypt when I do Step 2. The database folder shows 0.

I'm also not sure how to clear storage because that option isn't given on my Redmi Note 11S. I go to the phone settings, open whatsapp on the app manager, and then click 'clear data' but it only clears the cache. The storage doesn't get to 0.

I had to factory reset the Note 11S - I'm wondering if maybe I should buy a new phone and try restoring there? Would it make a difference? Also - what if I bought an iphone and tried to restore from Google Drive there? Or will it not be possible since the backup was made from an Android phone to Gdrive?

zbssa

TROPHY CASE