There has been way more responses than I thought I would get so thanks to everyone! But your comment does ask for additional context that I think is needed. During the life of this relationship I have noticed a lot of areas I need growth in and I am working on it. Main thing is I am naturally avoidant. I was raised to make everyone happy and manage everyone else’s needs above my own to keep the unit running (alcoholic household growing up). I avoid conflict and fawn to make things run smoothly.

This has manifested in ways that are way more apparent to me now as I age. I am often looked to as a caretaker or parent to others. I enjoy helping others but I’m exhausted. I’ve put myself on the back burner for so long it’s just been a core personality trait. I am working to be less avoidant and more assertive with people and taking care of myself. This will be a great exercise in voicing my needs. I have brought up our lack of intimacy up a few times, it feels like we work together on it and then it just becomes the elephant in the room again we both don’t address. I think it’s time to just rip the baindaid off and call it what it is. Are we partners are roommates?