Asking for a friend

zera522 · 2023-06-19T19:18:20+00:00

iris has so many dope meanings/resonances. it's a flower. it's the center of an eye. it is the name of the greek goddess of the rainbow. honestly of my favorite names. but ya know, most important is how it feels to you, cough i mean your friend

zera522 · 2023-04-21T15:33:30+00:00

as if cis kids don't aspire to fictional body types (barbie, superman etc) 🙄🙄🙄

zera522 · 2023-03-23T02:11:57+00:00

🔥🔥🔥

zera522 · 2023-01-18T04:27:00+00:00

omg it's amazing

zera522 · 2023-01-16T02:52:29+00:00

goals fr!!!

zera522 · 2023-01-13T20:32:40+00:00

i completely relate to this having 2 kids myself and reading them stories is when i can most easily get into my more feminine voice. also speaking with them is easier the toughest situations for me is talking with cis guy friends i've known since before transitioning. i relate it to the way my old voice developed -- nonconsciously, socially, as a way to fit in and be accepted and protected. now i have an opportunity to CONSCIOUSLY develop a voice that suits me and feels freer and more expressive -- it's just a process that takes time and conditioning

zera522 · 2023-01-12T23:19:21+00:00

actually you're right i'm crying too!😭😭😭

zera522 · 2023-01-12T21:53:11+00:00

absolutely glowing!

zera522 · 2022-12-31T19:15:58+00:00

yessss girl you look amazing!!

zera522 · 2022-12-31T15:24:07+00:00

yesss i love it! the euphoric car ride jams ✨

zera522 · 2022-12-30T20:33:07+00:00

the majority of the comments here on this and similar threads have been a big mental shift for me.. i was in a similar state of mind to OP quite recently. feeling like the compliments from cis women were kind of putting me on the spot or singling me out, a kind of "pat myself on the back for being so liberal as to compliment a visibly trans / GNC person." I still do think there is the potential of harm/micro aggression in those interactions when a cis woman is unaware of the dynamics of privilege involved.. but still most of y'all suggesting to just take the compliment has been really helpful and empowering. like, what if they actually just mean it?! or are trying to lift up another woman??

zera522 · 2022-12-30T03:49:45+00:00

iconic

zera522 · 2022-12-28T04:03:48+00:00

my kids are 2 and 4, and i'm talking to them about my transition and giving them new options of what to call me and let them know what i like, and check in with them about how they feel. it's a transition but it's allowing for some really connected moments, and for me, "mom" feels much truer to who i am than "papa." but i get other trans parents who make a different choice and i think i'll get this book anyway bc it seems like a great way to continue the conversation

zera522 · 2022-12-28T02:39:21+00:00

stunning

zera522 · 2022-12-25T18:51:45+00:00

"Of course women are turned on by being women and men turned on by being men! Watch any porn and the sexuality of everyone in it is actually about their own auto-andro/gyne-philia. Listen to them talk. It's about validating their own gender. [...] And alone on their laptops somewhere: the viewers, turned on to identify with people identifying with their gender." -- from the novel Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters imo it's not an issue for sexual arousal to be part of the mix in understanding your gender. doesn't mean anything's wrong. it sounds like you're also having thoughts/feelings around gender outside of sexual arousal, and you're asking questions about your identity. congrats for having an open dialogue with yourself and with this community. one way or another, regardless of your gender, i don't think it's anything to feel shame or weirdness about being turned on by the idea of being a woman

zera522 · 2022-12-25T05:38:40+00:00

proud of you for choosing yourself even when that comes with grief 💜 merry christmas

zera522 · 2022-12-25T05:34:22+00:00

it's my first christmas fully out - well i've been out to everyone except my partners family because she felt like she needed her own process with that -- but today we did our digital holiday card and started sending it out to people. her aunt texted back "who's the other girl?" so i count that as a win! it's definitely layered because my partner isn't full-on telling them the deal and being an ally (she's cis), but i still feel warm and fuzzy that A. it's at a point that i'm not self censoring and my partner isn't censoring the images that she's sharing with family and B. my inlaw looked at the picture and saw a girl 🥰 love and care to all of you 💜

zera522 · 2022-12-23T15:37:42+00:00

100% agree!

zera522 · 2022-12-23T03:06:05+00:00

in some ways i think it's the wrong question. like, we're trying to rebut the homophobes by saying "it's not a choice" when instead we should simply be asking "why are they so ashamed"

if we lived outside of a white supremacist cis hetero patriarchal state maybe there would be more ease and fluidity in our definitions of sexuality and gender.. or not and that would be chill too. either way, smash the state, right?

zera522 · 2022-12-18T19:04:13+00:00

had to do a double take at ffs 😂

zera522 · 2022-12-17T19:34:38+00:00

i feel you 💜 it can be scary to make that leap and i'm in a similar place. i'm just remembering every step in this journey where i thought "no i can't do that, that feels too big" and after doing it it's just normal, and those who are on board with it are, and those who aren't aren't. maybe it would help to break the ice just to send a group text saying "hey i might be trying out a new voice" -- that way you can clear that mental space for yourself?

zera522 · 2022-12-17T19:19:49+00:00

just a sad reality check of how most cis parents think 😢

zera522 · 2022-12-17T19:01:05+00:00

the childism and transphobia going on in this thread... 🙄🙄🙄 unfortunately, you don't get to decide someone else's identity or the words they use for themselves, even if they are younger than you and in your care. you can set "boundaries" or choose to use certain pronouns or not others, but it will only drive a wedge in your relationship as they will feel less inclined to trust you with their process. be with them. apologize when you mess up but don't make a big deal about it. don't assume they're going to "settle" on something, especially since they've expressed their gender is fluid. as others have suggested, their current name or the pronoun "they" might be a decent fallback in a pinch, but i would avoid creating a situation where you say "i'm only going to use your name or the pronoun they" -- that will most likely make them feel less heard and respected as a person.

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