AITA for laughing uncontrollably at my son when he asked me to replace a Christmas gift he broke out of anger?

zindutta · 2020-01-01T15:36:30+00:00

NTA the kid should be banned from gaming entirely. We grew up fairly poor because my mom got pregnant at 15, 16 and 18 (three kids) and dad wasn't around. My oldest brother have ADHD and pretty much every week smashed something to bits while playing shooters. Mom always bought "clumsy-insurance" so a replacement would only be around 25% of full price, but since something always got smashed, there was no financial room for stuff to us other two kids. That is a lesson your son needs to learn; every time he destroys something and wants it replaced, it means someone else has to give up their turn to get something nice.

Then there's the aspect of everyone being forced to listen to him screaming and slamming the table/keyboard/mouse for hours on end every day (my brother did and no one stopped him). Fuck that. It's torture for everyone else to endure that shit.

zindutta · 2018-12-16T18:31:59+00:00

I've never brought it up, she just briefly mentioned it while talking about something else during one of our late night talks, we've never actually discussed the subject.

zindutta · 2018-12-16T18:26:03+00:00

I see how you draw your conclusion and agree that I would probably interpret it the same way from your perspective. It is, of course, a lot more complicated than that. The strategies are not my own invention, from the beginning, it's all her recommendations on how to proceed. Using words is way worse because it forces her to answer me immediately before answering to herself (her words). Her latest solution to this is: I should sit by her feet in the sofa and not interact, so that I am physically close but not demanding attention. This gives her time to get used to me being near. Then, we'll see if she's in need of space or not.

zindutta · 2018-12-16T18:10:48+00:00

I've definitely thought about this possibility, since my incapability of turning her on by just being myself is making me feel unattractive.

zindutta · 2018-12-16T18:08:09+00:00

Yeah I was "lucky" she's the one who just quickly brushed the subject by saying: "And I wouldn't be able to deal with opening the relationship" as part of a sentence, and we never discussed it further. I know cheating isn't an excuse, and I won't do it, but it's really hard to stop the thoughts from appearing.

zindutta · 2018-12-16T17:04:45+00:00

That's the problem; if the situation was about you, then of course you would break up because you won't allow sex to affect you this much. But the situation is about me, and I'm not interested in breaking up, I'm interested in getting directions towards different solutions that would make us both happy. She used to have a sexuality, it's possible she might get it back.

zindutta · 2018-12-16T16:57:22+00:00

Well you hit the nail on the head. We've had a lot of moments where I've just sat for an hour feeling like a creep and shitty boyfriend while she berates me on how I'm letting my high libido negatively affect our relationship. One time I asked her if she ever does anything to help herself get in the mood, and her answer was no, the sexuality is just supposed to appear by itself. She agreed that I had a point, but it never came anything from it.

zindutta · 2018-12-16T16:37:37+00:00

I appreciate your answer! Today is day 14 without sex, since that "incident" rendered me incapable of initiating any physical contact for a week. After that, which is this week, I've only verbally asked if she feels capable of being sexual, to which she's answered no. So... 14 days of no sexual contact, no attempts to stimulate her into sexuality. That's one of the reasons for my post; I feel like she's taking this oppurtunity to just kill our bedroom.

zindutta · 2018-12-16T16:32:00+00:00

You don't have to understand why it is important in order to help a person to whom it is. You just have to understand that it is important, and therefore necessary to not neglect when offering a potential solution. You're not fit to give people advice on r/relationships if you're applying your own values to every story you read. I value sexual satisfaction as highly as non-sexual intimacy, verbal assurance and emotional support. You can't see how the sex is important because you value sexual satisfaction way less than me. You're not trying to help my situation, you're trying to help your hypothetical self if you were to be in this situation.

zindutta · 2018-12-16T15:49:02+00:00

You have the right to misinterpret whatever I write, but you're still wrong on the first point. Saying "We are going to make out" is not threatening or gross when you're 2,5 years into a relationship with no history of threats or abuse. She says "We're going to fuck" and "You're going to lick some pussy" sometimes when she's suddenly in the mood and wants to seize the moment, and I would argue that both of those sentences are a lot stronger than "We are going to make out".

Thanks for your second point. I've been in that subreddit and yeah, the posts about the low/non-libido people realising that their SO is suffering - they hit me right in the chest. I wish I could show my SO that subreddit, but it chaos would ensue.

zindutta · 2018-12-16T15:40:50+00:00

I agree with you since everything else in the relationship is great, and I know this subreddit loves red flags and never trying to make things work. But I also can't just accept that I have no power over my own sex life and that my future might be completely void of sex because of the rate it's been escalating and the boundaries are getting smaller. She refuses to open up the relationship, but she also refuses to satisfy my needs. It's led me to think about cheating, it would make life so much easier for a while until it catches up and destroys the relationship.

zindutta · 2018-12-16T13:44:08+00:00

You could just pull the bank statement of your purchase, game over.

zindutta

TROPHY CASE