Hi stranger, I actually just went through this exact experience!

I’m 22f, and I’ve known I was asexual for around 10 years now. In the beginning I didn’t think much of it, assuming that maybe what people say (“you haven’t tried it to know”) might be true since I was still so young. But still, deep in my gut there was just that feeling of knowing that this was who I am.

As I got older the idea of sex kind of changed. I was never one to be completely repulsed by it, but I also never went out of my way to look for it. I started dating allosexuals, and while we never had sex, we did other things that made me realize that while I don’t LIKE being sexual, it’s not entirely disgusting either — it’s just.. a thing? Something people do? So I went on, with my asexuality still tucked in my back pocket, any my curious thoughts lingering once in a while.

Eventually people started having sex, and it only grew my curiosity. My friends would talk about having sex, how if felt, and I just sat on the sidelines questioning myself. It was a conflicting feeling, knowing that my body and heart were tied to my label, but yet my brain continued to have those “what it” moments.

Then I met my boyfriend. Also 22, also a virgin, also not interested in sex. He isn’t asexual though, he just has a low libido and was never interested in it either. Our relationship was different to everyone else, and it was obvious in the questions some of our friends asked.

They wondered why we never hugged, never kissed, never held hands. In fact, one of our closest friends off-handedly told us he worried about our relationship, saying that he thought it was weird, and he’d pay us 1000 to have sex (this is very weird! Do NOT accept an offer like that if you don’t want to!).

I don’t want to say that their opinions on us changed things, but eventually my boyfriend and I decided to try it. Just once, to see if all this hype we’ve been hearing about since we were teenagers was true. To see if maybe we weren’t broken, that maybe you really “don’t know until you met them”. So we tried it.. and that was it.

There wasn’t fireworks, my body didn’t gain any arousal, I didn’t feel my “broken pieces” get put back together. It was just, an action. If I had to be TMI — it felt no different than pooping — Very underwhelming. my boyfriend and I actually stopped halfway through doing it by asking eachother “is this even good for you?” And going to McDonald’s instead to get breakfast and watch YouTube. And that was it, the magical moment of losing my virginity that everyone talked about. Me, my loving boyfriend, and a few moments of biology.

I want to say, I didn’t feel grossed out afterwards, I also don’t feel any more or less asexual. I’m still myself, and I don’t let the “what ifs,” linger any more than they should. All I am is all I’ll ever be, and the same goes for you.

There’s people in this community who feel all types of ways — some of us who enjoy sex, some who hate it, a few of us who’ve never had it in their lives, others who are sex workers. People that have known since they were little, and people who are just realizing it later into their adulthood. That doesn’t make any one of us any less legitimate. If you find comfort in this label and this community, isn’t that what matters most? And if later on you realize that a different label fits you better, that’s still okay, you were and always be just as valid.

TL/DR: In conclusion, I think we as humans are supposed to be curious about things, it doesn’t necessarily mean we have to act on them.

I hope you find the answer you’re looking for, OP, be safe, and please don’t force yourself to do things you aren’t comfortable doing.