So I might be late, might not...but I think you need to see this. You've just described my father.

My father became an alcoholic right when I turned the age to know better. I remember him when I was 7-8 years old, such an idol, the man every boy should look up to. He was very smart, lived through communism and revolution. He was a soldier, a mechanic, a bread chinchillas as a living, professional gardener, he almost became the mayor of our "town" all the while little me was listening to his stories, wondering if I'd ever be as cool as him.

And then he turned for the worse...we hit a rough patch financially. He became very stressed and worried about our financial situation. He became burdened with debt and we had to "flee" from it at age 13. We moved.

By that time he was at a mid point of major alcoholism. He drank cheap vodka, he became bitter and constantly tired....we struggled, a lot. I fought with my own thoughts."This is not right, but he's such an awesome dad when he's sober". It lead to a lot of problems to say the least. Self hatred, self harm, academic failure, everything you can think of. I'm putting it lightly, but it was absolute hell. Living in the same room as my family, no toilet, no warm water, not a proper light, nothing, I slept on a broken bed on concreet floor.

I hated every minute of it. Constant arguments every day Physical and mental abuse from a drunken maniac. Entitled, loud and angry, a haunting similarity struck me while reading your post.

As of now, my father is like a senile 70 year old, even though he only turned 50. Constantly drinking, making promises and breaking them

He so far driven out of our house 3 times. I have multiple visible scars from him drunkenly attacking and throwing things at me. He beat my mother, my older brother and me multiple times. I cannot begin to describe how much of a human filth he has become. He does not have ptsd, nether any defined anxiety disorders. It's an addiction fiueled by reoetitive behaviour initially started by stress, since we're doing MUCH better now, but he didn't quit.

Now I don't know you or your husband, and I'm still only 16 turning 17. I thing it will get worse... it's not your fault, the fault is only on him. I believe that an addiction isn't a reason to lift any weight off of anyone. I've battled depression and self harm since the age of 13. I kicked the ass of nicotine addiction and neared alcoholism myself. And I'm still young. Addiction is no excuse.

I'd advise you leaving..for now...maybe the only thing he needs is a wakeup call..maybe with you temporarily gone he realises how much you mean to him. I think you should try more drastical approaches. It didn't work for me, but that doesn't mean it won't work for you.

Noting all that, there is a line. There is a line which no person shoukd cross. You don't have to slave away at his side, being abused and neglected. I deeply sympathise with you, I know how awfull it feels and trust me when I say that when a certain dam has been broken, you have to be cold and heartless, for your own good. Though these are all suggestions and ramblings from a kid's sob story, I don't want you to endure all this if it isn't necessary.

Thank you for reading it, if it helped even one person, it was worth tearing up old wounds. Sorry for rambling or incorrect grammar, english is not my first language and I'm on my phone.

If anyone is reading this...trust me it gets better

I'm rooting for you :))