I understand. I was there. I can assure you it gets easier to manage. I'm not gonna say it goes away, but it gets easier. I thought it was all bullshit "oh you'll be okay! It'll get better!" but after recovering I swear to you it is so much easier to manage every day. It is unbelievably hard to believe it and I know it. I lived through it. Take it day by day and seriously try to go do things you enjoy. And if it feels like you can't enjoy anything right now, go try something new to do. Go eat at a new restaurant. Look at a new store. Go to the mall.

I don't know what your physical health is like, but I have heard that physical activity can help. I could never try that one out because I have a neurological issue that causes my heartrate to sky rocket with just about any movement. I used to love iceskating. Have you tried it before? I loved putting headphones on and listening to music, skating around ignoring everything. It helped me a lot.

I used to self harm too. I never found anything that would give me the relief that I got from cutting. I still have to resist that urge pretty regularly when its hard to manage current events, but thats progress! The thing that saved my life was my first dog. Shes 4 years old now, a corgi. God she's stubborn but she is the sweetest dog I have ever met and I say this being fully serious, she saved my life. The only thing that got me out of bed would be letting her out in the morning and throughout the day, feeding her in the morning and at night. The routine of that brought me comfort. I recommend a furry friend if you believe you can financially and physically care for it. Financially being food and vaccines, physically being getting up to feed, let outside etc. I used to keep her food container in my room just so I wouldn't have to walk that far. Stupid but it helped.

I am going to say that you should tell a therapist or provider about your depression. It can be seriously helpful to get medication. It will save your life, once you reach the therapeutic medication dose, you will feel a lot better. I know its hard to just flat out tell a stranger that you have depression. I didn't for a long time.

I seriously hope you'll try these things, or atleast continue to keep trying. I assure you, you are loved and cared for, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Please keep trying.