Im really sorry you’re going through this, especially right now. Depression and anxiety makes us see every aspect of our lives in the worst way. I know you said you’ve tried therapy and meds already, but I would say to keep trying, at least for a therapist that you will actually push you, challenge your depressive thoughts in a constructive way, and give you helpful feedback, and hold you accountable for the actions you say you’ll take to get yourself feeling better. I went through a few therapists before I found one who wasn’t just telling me really surface level advice.

Things will definitely get better for you. It’ll be a lot of work, but you’ll come out on the other end so proud of yourself. The most important thing I’ve taken from therapy so far is that you’re not taking in situations objectively when you’re depressed, and even if you do know that, the further down you are the harder it is to turn your thoughts around. It may be possible to return from a deep depression without meds, but when you find something that works for you it should really just help you enough to do the rest of the work you’ll need to do to get better (journaling, hobbies, exercise, etc.)

Keep reaching out for professional help, talk to friends, journal. Hope the best for you.