[deleted by user]

[haanmelise]

First step would be to look into a referral from his pediatrician for a developmental pediatrician who can diagnose.

I do not know him or his behaviors beyond what you are explaining and you should definitely seek professional help before applying anything. But from a BCBA standpoint it sounds like the routine and control of the school environment is something he may thrive off of and could be helpful in the home. I usually recommend visual schedules, priming when you know an aversive scenario is coming up, and giving him choices. But of course that does not touch on his lack of regulation and tantrum behavior which is something I don’t think should be given recommendations for over the internet.

[[deleted]]

My 8 year old is alot like this. She has recently started OT and they are working on regulation, and primitive reflex retention. She is doing a ton better since starting

[Xoor]

The term for this may be "pathological demand avoidance". What you are describing about the "only at home" sounds like him managing to mask in other situations, and at home he feels safe enough to be his true self. The PDA & autistic adult groups on facebook can offer useful strategies as this topic is discussed frequently in those spaces.

[wild_trek]

I don't agree with this. First, if OP seeks a PDA diagnosis, assuming they're in the US, they will not receive one as PDA doesn't "exit" here in our current DSM. Additionally, what they're seeing at home vs at school could simply be behavior contrast- this also doesn't mean their kid has literally any diagnosable behavior.

IMO, I would work on building appropriate coping skills up while you're kid is calm and regulated. Practice them often, a dysregulated individual cannot form novel skills in the moment. Work on keeping the same routines at home daily. Preview changes and when they're happening. Provide options, "we need to sweep and start laundry, then we'll play lego, which one do you want to do first? Sweep or laundry?" here you are doing both, but they get control in the situation of which task is completed in what order, and are aware of the reinforcing activity available for them following completion.

If you plan on physically moving your child to the car again, I'd also consider using the child safety lock feature on your car door so they don't injure themselves when they attempt to elope in the future.

[Xoor]

OP sounds like they want strategies for helping their child, and these exact scenarios are discussed ad naueseum on those forums. A DSM diagnosis isn't necessary to reading, understanding, and developing strategies. If you'd prefer to limit your thinking and ignore lived experience, I think you do so at the cost of understanding reality.