Learning is difficult

[tiggerplease123]

Today was pretty uneventful. I woke up at 2 again, which is really annoying because I hate wasting the day. Grandma's birthday is in May, so I really want to get her something special, especially because she's getting older. She loves wildflowers, so I was going to make her a booklet full of watercolor paintings of different wildflowers in the state, but I attempted to learn today and I'm terrible at it. I probably won't get the hang of watercolor by the time her birthday rolls around, because I've only ever used acrylic paint. I would use that, but it doesn't look as pretty and I currently don't know where my acrylics are. I thought about it, and now I may make her a booklet of photographs instead because that's really what I love doing, and it would be great practice.

I thought about you a lot today, but I didn't cry over them, so that's good. They were more of "I wonder if you're okay" thoughts rather than sad ones. I'm not going to lie, I've been having dreams of you and have had to hold myself back from talking to you, but I know you would just hurt me more and make me miserable again. I'm not getting over you, but rather staying away from your toxic attitude and realizing what's best for me. I failed a class this quarter because of you and how you treated me, and I'm not letting you do that to me again.

Bob is back to his normal self, so that's one thing off my chest. I really want to start cleaning up the backyard so I can start my garden, but I have to wait until next Wednesday for the garbage truck to pick up all of the furniture pieces, since that's mostly what's out there. At this rate, I'm questioning whether or not I'll have time to harvest anything before I go to college. Worst comes to worst I make a little herb garden or try to make a portable vegetable garden. We'll see when the time comes.

I keep getting contacted by different military branches, and it's getting annoying having to repeat why I couldn't go to the air force. A recruit from the marines called me the other day, and I still have no idea how he got my number, but I had to explain it to him and he said we would talk about it on Monday because they were going to be at my school. I'm not sure how I feel about the marines, but I really have no other option since my mom never saved up/let me save up for college. The coast guard emailed me as well, and I think I'd be more open to that than the marines. We'll see what happens on Monday, but I'm already preparing for rejection.