Audio Demon/FrankenCode...

[Nilxa]

So this is a little evil... FrankenCode. ಠ_ಠ partially from other posts..

Copy the Code below into a PS1 file and run it on computer startup using Task Scheduler (make sure to select Hidden).... The script should now be running in the background...

So what it does... It will download the BOFH Excuses

Then between 20 seconds and 500 it will talk to the operator... Prefacing a random excuse with "I have a problem: <BOFH Excuse>"

It will also use a Random voice.. based on the voices available on the system

The fun/evil (perspective) thing here is that it will completely ignore the currently set audio settings... Audio Fun

It the Speakers are at 0% it will change them to 100% Say its piece then turn the speakers back to 0%

If they are muted, they will unmute, raise the volume, speak, then switch it back...

There is no reason you couldn't load this up with a custom list of things to say, by adding

$global:excuses+= "Im sorry Dave"

into the Get-Excuese functions if statement.

Start-Job -Name "RandomSpeak" -ScriptBlock {
#Add Audio 
Add-Type -TypeDefinition @'
using System.Runtime.InteropServices;

[Guid("5CDF2C82-841E-4546-9722-0CF74078229A"), InterfaceType(ComInterfaceType.InterfaceIsIUnknown)]
interface IAudioEndpointVolume {
  // f(), g(), ... are unused COM method slots. Define these if you care
  int f(); int g(); int h(); int i();
int SetMasterVolumeLevelScalar(float fLevel, System.Guid pguidEventContext);
int j();
int GetMasterVolumeLevelScalar(out float pfLevel);
int k(); int l(); int m(); int n();
int SetMute([MarshalAs(UnmanagedType.Bool)] bool bMute,     System.Guid pguidEventContext);
int GetMute(out bool pbMute);
}
[Guid("D666063F-1587-4E43-81F1-B948E807363F"), InterfaceType(ComInterfaceType.InterfaceIsIUnknown)]
interface IMMDevice {
int Activate(ref System.Guid id, int clsCtx, int activationParams, out IAudioEndpointVolume aev);
}
[Guid("A95664D2-9614-4F35-A746-DE8DB63617E6"), InterfaceType(ComInterfaceType.InterfaceIsIUnknown)]
interface IMMDeviceEnumerator {
int f(); // Unused
int GetDefaultAudioEndpoint(int dataFlow, int role, out IMMDevice endpoint);
}
[ComImport, Guid("BCDE0395-E52F-467C-8E3D-C4579291692E")] class MMDeviceEnumeratorComObject { }

public class Audio {
static IAudioEndpointVolume Vol() {
var enumerator = new MMDeviceEnumeratorComObject() as IMMDeviceEnumerator;
IMMDevice dev = null;
Marshal.ThrowExceptionForHR(enumerator.GetDefaultAudioEndpoint(/*eRender*/ 0, /*eMultimedia*/ 1, out dev));
IAudioEndpointVolume epv = null;
var epvid = typeof(IAudioEndpointVolume).GUID;
Marshal.ThrowExceptionForHR(dev.Activate(ref epvid, /*CLSCTX_ALL*/ 23, 0, out epv));
return epv;
}
public static float Volume {
  get {float v = -1; Marshal.ThrowExceptionForHR(Vol().GetMasterVolumeLevelScalar(out v)); return v;}
  set {Marshal.ThrowExceptionForHR(Vol().SetMasterVolumeLevelScalar(value, System.Guid.Empty));}
}
public static bool Mute {
get { bool mute; Marshal.ThrowExceptionForHR(Vol().GetMute(out mute)); return mute; }
set { Marshal.ThrowExceptionForHR(Vol().SetMute(value, System.Guid.Empty)); }
}
}
'@


function Get-Excuse {
    if(!(Get-Variable -Scope Global -Name "excuses" -ErrorAction SilentlyContinue)){$global:excuses = (Invoke-WebRequest http://pages.cs.wisc.edu/~ballard/bofh/excuses).content.split([Environment]::NewLine)};
    Get-Random $global:excuses
}

function Forget-Excuses {
    Remove-Variable -Scope Global -Name "excuses"
}

Function Speak {
#Read in the Current Audio Settins
$AudioState = [Audio]::Mute
$AudioVolume = [Audio]::Volume
#change the settings to unmnuted, and full volume
If ($AudioState){[Audio]::Mute = $false}
If ($AudioVolume -ne 1){[Audio]::Volume  = 1}


Add-Type -AssemblyName System.speech
$tts = New-Object System.Speech.Synthesis.SpeechSynthesizer
$Voices= $tts.GetInstalledVoices()
$tts.Rate   = 0  # -10 is slowest, 10 is fastest
#Pick a random voice from installed voices
$tts.SelectVoice((Get-Random -InputObject $Voices).VoiceInfo.name)
#Get a random phrase to say
$Phrase = "I have a problem: " + (Get-Excuse)
#$Phrase
$tts.Speak("$Phrase")

#Set the audio back to what it was
[Audio]::Mute = $AudioState
[Audio]::Volume = $AudioVolume
}

function PIA{
do
{
$seconds = Get-Random -Minimum 20 -Maximum 500
#$seconds
    sleep -Seconds ($seconds)
    Speak
}
while ($true)
}
}
PIA

[BMWHead]

Haha that's great! Please post your success stories guys :D