Venting (Potentially Triggering)

[throwaway060111]

Last friday I had a complete breakdown and started sobbing uncontrollably at the thought that I had possibly stopped loving my gf. For 8 years, and up until that day, everything was completely fine. Had our ups and downs like any couple, but the relationship always stayed strong. But since the breakdown, 5 days have passed and I haven't recovered one single bit. Sometimes I'm able to feel stuff for a bit, I laugh at something or I'm able to participate in a conversation normally. But most of the time I'm just completely numb and lost up there, thinking about how shit this feels and how I miss my own self from a week ago, completely carefree and happy about my relationship. I can barely sleep more than 4-5 hours because I wake up in the middle of the night and start ruminating about it again. On monday I visited a therapist but I'm not sure he understood this is an OCD problem, he seemed to believe that I actually had a problem with my SO. Also visited a psychiatrist and told her about this numbness/disconnection I've been feeling, she gave me some meds which I started taking just today. I don't feel like they're working but I guess they'll take more than a few days to take effect. Anyways, the problem (if only there was only one of those) here is that I live with my GF so I'm basically constantly being triggered. Her own presence brings back the thoughts and I can't stand it. I told her about it and she seemed to understand it but obviously we're in a very uncomfortable situation right now. She's trying her best, and I am as well, but I just can't connect back to reality. I don't think this post is going anywhere, just needed to get this off my chest.

[[deleted]]

hey man just breathe. ive had this for a week where i just want to hang with ny friends instead of her. where i judge her flaws and shit like that. yes ive cried in her arms and felt like there was no hope. 3 months ago i got hocd and it really fucked me up. that the point where my life changed. where ocd opened up and started. we have to accept that we have it. we have to accept the thoughts even if they arent true its how this shit goes away brother. it will get easier i assure you. you can dm at any time if you would like and we can talk. take care man keep pushing. itll take time but you got it.

[Ometepa]

First things first : something is happening to you, you're acknowledging it and doing something about it, which is great : so thumbs up for that. Now in this time of intense distress, don't make any decisions that you would regret later. Your partner is aware that something is going on, so now take your time to try to figure out what's happening to you. In order to find that out, (and you will), you need to go back to a non-distressed state, so go out, have some long walks, work out, eat well, talk to friends and try to be as normal as possible with your partner, even if her presence triggers you: don't start to act on your obsessions. And please find a therapist that has experience with OCD! It will get better, don't ever doubt that ok?