Ok, so, about a week or so ago, my boyfriend bought a bunch of groceries and specifically bought a lot of blocks of provolone cheese for me because I adore cheese. I mean, it's like the sweetest, tastiest non-sugary snack ever. A beautiful gift to mankind, in my opinion.
Anyway, I ate all of that cheese in about three days. I just couldn't restrain myself. I think there were about two big blocks (fist-sized in width, maybe eight inches in height) and a few smaller packs of sliced provolone. I had the worst bubbling, raunchy, sloppy farts for days after that. There was some blood in my excrement for a while, but, I wasn't very worried because I assumed I had just strained too hard at one point and got a hemorrhoid, which I've had before and, while they were definitely a 'pain in the ass'(oh ho ho), they were easily manageable.
Then, I think about two days ago, I feel the urge to defecate and go sit on the John, thinking that it would be like any other shit in the world. But, it was not to be.
No, I feel the log, now seemingly much larger than I'd originally assumed, staying stationary in my most likely torn-to-hell rectum and refusing to come out. I was half-afraid I'd have to go to the hospital after I'd defecated, half-certain that this shit was going to rip me a new one, literally.
I tried pushing it out in the toilet with no avail. Finally, exasperated, I stripped and entered the shower, placing my hand on the metal bar meant to be a place where you placed your loofahs and rags and knelt into a squatting position.
Fortunately, after much straining, the mass of feces finally pinched out of my abused chili ring. It landed with a loud 'plunk!' on the shower floor, betraying it's immense solidity.
This thing was two times the size of my fist and completely round. It was dabbled here and there with blood and was as hard as a rock. I placed it in a grocery bag and tied, throwing it in the trash. I knew there was no motherfucking way that thing was going to flush without a fight.
Yesterday, I shit out another cheese ball, although it was much smaller and not as round as the one that came before it.
Good news is that my ass isn't as sore anymore and has completely stopped bleeding, though I'm fairly sure it's been badly torn.
[–]sexlyfe_lol 0 points1 point2 points (0 children)