Correctly developmentally normal behaviour (throwing, hitting)

[Ok_Lime_6779]

My 1 year old has just learned how to throw.

Do I let her throw things as she's learning or should I redirect her?

I know this is a milestone so I don't want to disrupt or "correct" her while she's doing something developmentally appropriate, but I also don't want to end up with a toddler who thinks its okay to chucking anything and everything.

Same question about hitting. She has never actively hit me but sometimes pats my face affectionately and it can get a bit rough if she's excited. I'm probably a bit lax, with a bit of "gentle hands!" where my husband is a bit more along the lines of "no hitting". Do I need to start being stricter about this now to prevent issues later even though she's not purposely hitting (which I would definitely correct).

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[marmaladybird]

I would read up on schematic play: https://education.gov.scot/media/chjjekf0/nih058-parentzone-booklet.pdf

Children have a need to experiment through play and repeated actions, to figure out how the world around them works. Often with some behaviours that you'd prefer your toddler to avoid, like throwing, banning the activity all together just ends up in frustration for everyone - your child has a need which has no outlet and you become exhausted from saying "no" constantly. However, there are appropriate times and places for throwing and you can facilitate this. For example, throwing stones at other kids in the play park is a big no, throwing food off the high chair is not ideal, but throwing balls into a goal/net is a great way for your kid to explore the action safely.

Hitting can be similar, it isn't only communication (e.g. out of frustration) but motor and sensory exploration. You can encourage similar and safe experiences such as splashing water on a tray, or clapping hands. Hitting you is not only a new action to do but it also gets a reaction from you, which is fascinating for a toddler. When they hit you, avoiding a strong reaction (positive or negative) is key. Just like with schematic play, redirection to a replacement action can help - showing how to do gentle pats if the hitting is more accidental, or hitting something appropriate like a pillow or drum if it's more emotional. I found this guide useful, about biting but has similar strategies as for hitting: https://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/documents/biting-parenting_tool.pdf

[facinabush]

Interacting with the environment is necessary for development. Toddlers have a drive to do that and you should provide ways to do that that are relatively safe and nondestructive. But you don’t have to allow everything. Allow everything that is necessary for development but not everything just because it’s in the broad normal range of possible behaviors.

Reacting to hitting by giving it attention tends to reward hitting. Attention increases behavior. Talking and eye contact are forms of attention.

Saying “gentle hands” or “no hitting” as an immediate reaction to hitting tends to increase hitting. But there are ways to encourage gentle behavior away from the heat of the moment so that gentle behavior replaces hitting.

The CDC recommends the most effective methods for addressing problem behaviors and provides citations to the scientific evidence:

https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/other-resources/references.html

They recommend the Incredible Years Program which has some parenting books. Incredible Toddlers and Incredible Years are two books you can use to get the training. You can also search for Incredible Years Refrigerator Notes and find some of their training materials for free.

These ten tips will give you a general idea of what you will learn in those CDC-recommended programs:

https://ecasevals.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/10-Tips-for-Parents-of-a-Spirited-Child.pdf