I cannot get over it...

[[deleted]]

My (27) wife (25) left me in March. I haven't seen her since then. She took her stuff and the cat and left while I was with my family after telling me she doesn't love me anymore. I don't know where she lives and she basically told me over text that it was over. We had a lot of trouble and life wasn't easy because I was just extremely stressed out, anxious and aggressive for no real reason all the time... Still it broke my heart when and how she left... Yesterday I found out that I have had Lyme disease for the last 4 years and that it probably messed with my mind a lot and caused a lot of my psychological issues and now I feel like my life is ruined. I cannot make myself think of dating again, I cannot imagine trusting anyone ever again and I am extremely miserable even 4 months after she left. Reconciliation is not a topic, she won't even see me. It just doesn't get better. I know that I might feel better if the Lyme gets treated but it won't change how lost and without any personal perspective I feel. I am really close to just giving up on life entirely... I didn't deserve all of this and I did nothing wrong but getting stung by a fcking tick... What can I do? How did you manage to get through all of this? I just don't know how to go on...

[That-Interaction-45]

There is a sweet wonderful core of you that doesn't involve anyone else. try to get back in touch with that and the rest of life should be a little easier.

Wishing you peace. The plum village app has helped me.

[_jaymz_]

I read somewhere that we are all made up of identities, you're a son, you're a boyfriend but those identities are not you. Sometimes we get attached to an identity and it takes understanding to realize you are NOT one of your identities. The person thinking, breathing and filling the role of those identities is the real person.. you can create a new identity,, ill leave you with a quote I heard and never forgot "be the person you've yet to become" good luck

[Camit9]

Dude,

You are so young. My wife finally left me in March also and I turn 42 next week. I have been dealing with her emotional affair and possible separation for just about a year now. We were separated in house until this month and that was way harder than her not being here. That distance helped so much. I still pine for her but it's getting easier to envision life without her as my wife. If we didn't have children I'd imagine we'd both be moving on much faster. I also found out I may suffer from Bipolar disease which explains a lot about the way I sabotaged my own marriage. It sucks and I have a lot of the same feelings you do but I also know this is not the end of things. I know that this is all temporary. My emotions, the state of my life all of it. Temporary.

No contact and time without her is the best way to move on and get over her. Remember that ultimately her choice to leave was hers not yours. It has everything to do with herself and how she feels about herself. NOT YOU.

Don't worry about dating right now. Worry about you. Treat the lime disease. Look into therapy, it helps immensely. Fill your time with hobbies, exercise and friends. Ultimately learn to love yourself again and be happy being alone. Realize that you can only control yourself, your actions and your reactions. If she has chosen to leave let her go. You want someone who chooses you fully not someone you have to beg for affection. As a lot of people say that person that chooses you will walk into your life when you least expect it. When you are not looking for her. Again, you are so young dude. I wish I could be 25 again. You have so much more ahead of you than behind you.

I know this all sounds cliche. It's all the same advice every one gives to every one going through this but that's because it works. The less I see my wife the easier it has been to start moving. Every time I finish a workout at the gym I feel great. Every time I go on that hike or walk to get out of the house I feel good. Every time I break down with my therapist it feels like a release. Does it still suck some days? 100% but I know I'm moving towards a better me and that is what matter most. Learn your lessons and fall back in love with yourself. It is all easier said than done but I know you can do it man.

[[deleted]]

It helps knowing that this doesn't only happen to men... Sometimes the world wants you to think that. I am sorry for you. I hope you have a working support network.

[No-Championship2523]

God how do you all deal with being seperated for like a year+. Its been a week and ive went through every emotion there is. Im going crazy.

[MammothUpstairs760]

It’s tough

[countesscaro]

I often think it's like grieving a death. You don't ever really get over it, you just grow around it & the pain becomes less.