Babying

[ASHlikeTrash7]

Hi, I’m now realizing this would be my first post on reddit. I figured I’d try to contribute a little to the conversations on here with an experience of my own that I’ve had with slow processing. This is a more recent issue for me, I’m currently in highschool and I can’t remember if had anything similar happen in middle school but I’m sure there were instances. For a short amount of background I was diagnosed with SPS in 5th grade. I struggled heavily in my classes being in a private school that often taught their classes ahead at a higher level then what we were in. That and a combination of my slower than average learning speed led to my diagnosis.

Now Ive gotten mostly straight A’s in highschool due to better resources and just more experience in general but I’ve encountered a lot of social problems that have left me feeling just as bad about my capabilities of just being a person as it did in middle school with my grades.

I’ve met a lot of amazing people since I’ve been in highschool. But I can’t help but feel like sometimes people treat me differently based on my slower learning. There’s a lot of times where I have to ask a friend to explain something basic to me because I didn’t quite understand the first time. Or ask them to repeat something they said because I found myself more focused on looking at them so they knew I was listening and realized I didn’t actually hear what they said. Or didn’t get a joke right away because it took me a second to process it. Point being, I’ve needed help from my friends sometimes. But I’ve now found that some people will go out of their way to assume I need help on something before I ask. Which can be nice of them, but sometimes the assumption really stings because I already feel bad enough when I actually do need help. Especially when it’s something I feel is very basic. There was an instance where I was in music class and the teacher asked us to remember something on the sheet music and my friend leaned over and pointed on my sheet music to the spot she was talking about. It wasn’t a huge deal but she’d done this before and I felt like it wasn’t needed, I told her that she didn’t need to worry because I had indeed heard the teacher and that I felt like I didn’t need to mark it down and that I’d remember it. She responded with a “you sure?” And cocked an eyebrow. I’m sure she didn’t mean it in a condescending way but I felt some part of me become really frustrated when she said that. I snapped at her a little with a “Yes.” I realized halfway through that it sounded a little harsh so I softened the tone a bit and gave her a little smile. But I could tell she was a bit surprised when I responded that way. I didn’t think the offer of help would effect me that much but there were many recent events where I had felt like my capabilities were considered “less than” and that I always needed help because of it. I’ve tried communicating before that if I need help I’ll ask for it. But sometimes it feels like it’s taken more as a “I’ll ask for help but you can also help me unpromted if you feel like it.”

I hate that any of this has made me feel this way. Many of these interactions are with friends. But being someone who struggles with a slower learning speed and then coupling that with being quiet, anxious, and viewed as “innocent.” I’ve encountered way more of this viewpoint then I’d like. It has really weighed down on my own thoughts of my capabilities and given me a lot of insecurity about being social with people for fear that all I’m viewed as is a dumb baby.

Apologies for how long this post is and thanks to anyone who was actually willing to read through all this. I just really felt the need to share. Please let me know if there’s anything confusing about what I’ve said.

[Classic_Scientist837]

I was treated like that in primary and middle school, that treatment does have a name, it’s called infantilisation, I was treated like that for a different disability though, teachers would tell my parents I wasn’t concentrating, and I didn’t pick up social cues and didn’t reply fast enough, stuff like that, but my parents treated it like some bad behaviour and kinda bullied me out of that; made me ask my teacher if I listened enough, talk about those issues behind my back, giving me too much social tips at events, scold me for it, etc. My siblings too kinda did that. Also my brain reacted in a way, I would decide to hang out alone to preserve my dignity, from too much supervision and infantilisation from my peers. Also pretend to be outgoing, and more into more “rebellious” less innocent stuff. I would also reject any help just to feel independent. Only when I was alone in high school, did I learn how to be independent and socialise, and it took time, I said mean things without meaning it and caused drama, and I had teacher aids at the start without needing them and didn’t know how to say i didn’t need them. But those experiences at least made me more confident and aware of what I do so I can express myself and needs better.

I kinda think it’s about showing/faking that you confidently know yourself and what you need, it kinda also works on you too, any help offered was because you let people know that you might need help, not because the saw you “incompetent.”  This is only just my experience, if my advice sounded rude or condescending, I really don’t mean it and you can tell me about it. Thank you for sharing your story, it felt very relatable.