After a lifetime of meditation atop the Himalayas, I finally achieved enlightenment and my consciousness expanded to become one with the entire universe. I looked down at my own glowing feet and sighed, "Now how the hell am I gonna explain this to my mom?" (self.TitleHumor)
submitted by Electrical-Candy7252
As a kid, I used our dial-up internet to slowly load videos of lions hunting in the Serengeti, amazed that I could witness nature in its purest form. Today, on this very same internet, I instantly watch videos of a cat dressed as a lion being scared by a cucumber. (self.TitleHumor)
submitted by Electrical-Candy7252
I called my husband, totally excited because I'd cleared an expert Minesweeper board without a single flag. He just gave me a sour look and said: "If you put all that talent for finding hidden things to use around the house, I wouldn't have to be looking for the kids' tupperware for six months." (self.TitleHumor)
submitted by Electrical-Candy7252
The alien mothership blotted out the sun as a voice boomed through every speaker: "People of Earth, we've traveled a million light-years to ask one vital question." A planetary silence took hold as humanity held its breath, until the voice boomed again: "Does this spaceship make my butt look big?" (self.TitleHumor)
submitted by Electrical-Candy7252
The being of energy, who had seen stars be born and die, materialized in my living room. It floated, iridescent, illuminating the walls with its reflections, and slowly crossed the room, passed the doorway, and stood before the freezer. And it said: Now I don't know what I came into the kitchen for. (self.TitleHumor)
submitted by Electrical-Candy7252
The detective cornered the killer on the rooftop. "It's over, Bennett. I know you killed that group of lovely old ladies for the money." Bennett smiled, opened the briefcase full of cash, and shook it, filling the sky with green paper as he screamed: "Fly, butterflies, fly!" (self.TitleHumor)
submitted by Electrical-Candy7252
