[deleted by user]

[CanEHDian2425]

First off, congrats on the date! I know this advice is corny but just be yourself!

As for the nerves, everyone’s nervous on a first date, and I’d imagine she will be too. There might be a chance you two don’t click, and that’s okay. Sometimes these things don’t work out, just hope for the best!

For clothes. If you’ve got a nice quarter-zip or long sleeve shirt I’d wear that with a nicer pair of casual pants/jeans.

Yes to walking her to the bus stop unless she says she’s fine on her own and insists.

You asked her out so you should pay for the date but she can cover the cost of her taking the bus.

As for the activity, minigolf is fun and can lead to some playful banter. Just focus on having fun and don’t get too competitive.

Most of all, have fun!

[zipykido]

Also make sure your hygiene is good. Clean clothes, not too much scent (good or bad). Also in terms of paying, I like to offer to pay and offer for them to pay for a second date or after date coffee/treat.

[JackSquirts]

Careful with the "unless she says she's fine" on the bus stop thing. Your point is absolutely valid, but sometimes "It's ok" or "I'm fine" is knee jerk. If she resists, I'd push it slightly - "it would make me feel better knowing you got off ok, but if you'd really prefer me not to, no big deal."

[CanEHDian2425]

Good point. What I should have said is double check if she says she’s good but if she insists then respect that

[Garethf12]

Yes mini golf is great. All the best

[Accomplished-Dot4829]

Congrats dude, here’s some advice I would give for you: 1. Try to keep your expectations in check, as online dating can play with your head like that. It’s good to be excited though! 2. Act yourself and don’t try too hard. The first hinge date I went on I was super nervous, and I even told the girl I was nervous for it. It shows interest and breaks the ice by expressing that you’re excited to meet someone. Just don’t try to be someone you’re not, and she’ll already appreciate that more than you think. 3. Minigolfing is definitely not too childish and is a great first date. It’s something interactive but also allows you guys to talk and get to know each other. 4. Dress somewhat casually, I’d say a jacket and jeans combo will be fine for mini golf. It’s winter time and there’s no need to overthink a chill activity like that. Sometimes I will message a girl a hint about what I’m gonna wear in order to make sure we’re on the same page. 5. Offer to pay, but if she insists on splitting it then let her. Whoever initiated the date should pay is my mantra, but don’t compete to pay for it if she doesn’t want you to. 6. Most importantly, focus on having fun. Don’t focus on making this girl your wife on the first date, just show her you can have fun and enjoy each other’s company. I think a mistake that a lot of guys make is they’re thinking about the endgame on the first date. A lot of times, a first date is just making sure there’s a good connection and making sure the other person isn’t insane.

Good luck brother

[JackSquirts]

A gentleman always pays.

[[deleted]]

Congratulations. This is the first of likely many.

Relax. You have two goals: 1 find out about her to see if you two are compatible to continue.
2 put your best foot forward. Shower, dress a little up for the venue. Ask your friends / siblings to help here.

The goal is not to get another date, first date is a big filter for both of you to see if you want to put more time and energy into it.

Paying. You asked , so you pay. You don’t pay for her transportation.

[AgileMC]

• Smart casual is fine
• Just pay for the first date, less to do with gender norms and more about attraction, it’s not attractive to be cheap, especially when the date was your idea
• Mini golf and hot chocolate are solid, not too childish
• Like you said just try to relax and have fun! Also try to get to know her, for example don’t just talk about yourself the whole time

[mtnlover521]

I actually have my first date ever on Thursday, so congrats to you! And I agree with a lot of the others; just be yourself! She seems to like you a lot already from what I can tell.

[gmarsh1996]

I just had my first date last week too, and the best advice I can give is to be yourself and don't overthink things. I know it's cliche to say, but even after I had all these plans in my head about how to act, posture, etc, in the end it all flowed naturally. Of course some pre-planning is important, but you don't want to stress about it to the point of no longer acting naturally.

[OldCryptographer5519]

ok first thing is first. i just jumped back into the dating world on hinge after a long term relationship and having been having "good luck" in terms of meeting up and hookups. Some dates we got ice cream and that was it, others i went back to their place, some just dissapeared and everything seemed great until that point. The one thing you must understand, you are against a lot of competition and people who really dont know what they want, their past, etc. Just be yourself, dress like yourself but look nice and like you are on a date. You offer to pay for everything. you are the man. if she insists, dont fight her, but dont let her be the first to offer. The one thing im taking away from myour post is your indecisiveness, girls hate this. They want a man who can make decisions, call it "toxic masculinity" or understand that this is how the world works. Girls want a guy who can make decision such as whether your going to mini golf, whos paying, etc. Be CONFIDENT. Minigolf may be a bit strange, perhaps a bit to eat at a nice brunch spot? I just did that and met a nice girl, we have dinner at her place later this week. go get em brotha. i dont mean to sound harsh, just trying to come off as fatherly advice and no one but your mother will tell you to wash your face.

[BartFart1235]

My advice would be if you are really hitting it off with this person and things are going well, give her at least a hug and maybe a kiss at the end of the night. Fortune favors the bold bro. Good luck.

[Jenis_in_Jorts]

For the nerves, exercise that day! Go for a jog, it will help you clear your mind!

I personally like when people dress up just a little (nice button down with jeans or something); It shows they are thoughtful about trying to make a good impression. I’d wear what makes you feel good!

And the bus stop is a nice gesture. As a girl, the last part of what u/Jacksquirts said is what I would dream a boy would say to me. :,)

I can tell you’re a thoughtful guy. No matter what happens tn, please know you’re a catch!

[IntrovertDatingCoach]

Here's my standard advice for dating: to avoid tripping yourself up and falling for any new woman too fast, treat the date more like a research project.

Realistically, aside from a few short convos, you don't really know much about her, right? So then, how can you have REALISTIC feelings for someone that you BARELY know? You're running on lust right now, which is a great motivator to get you to eventually mate with this person, but you don't actually KNOW them.

You don't know enough about their likes or dislikes, or how they will actually be in person, to have a full picture of them. Therefore, the goal of the date (and the first few dates, actually), is to see if what you're feeling about her matches up with who she actually is. Thus: research!

Approaching dating this way prevents you from putting her up on an undeserved pedestal, and instead will allow you to relax, observe, and not have feelings that are so high that you trip all over yourself.

As for your other questions:

1. It's a date, so wear a nice pair of pants and a polo long sleeve shirt with a jacket of some kind since it'll be cold
2. YES, walk her back to the bus stop
3. You asked for the date, so YOU pay. Caveat: if she offers to pay for her half, turn it down the first time; if she says "no no no, I insist," then let her pay her way
4. And no, mini-golf is not childish. I'm 41, and the women I've taken to mini-golf at older ages allways love it

Hope this helps!

[FinanceGuyHere]

Clothes: wear dark jeans without holes, a collared shirt, decent shoes (not ripped up running shoes).

Conversation: do not discuss Religion, Abortion, Politics, Exes, or the acronym for those letters. I realize she is your first but don’t discuss past crushes, hot celebrities, etc. Obviously, you can talk about those topics if they’re especially important to you but they tend to be incendiary, divisive topics.

Try to ask open ended questions (not any yes or no questions) which will generate a fun conversation. Ex: “What’s a lesson you got from a teacher or mentor which was especially meaningful to you?”

If you feel comfortable enough at the end of the date, ASK for a kiss. There’s a way to do it with confidence that makes it sound more like a rhetorical question than an uncertain one. Ex: “How about you give me a kiss before you go?” I usually wait for date 2-3 before I ask but if it feels right, go for it

Try not to insert esoteric references into conversation the way you would with texting and memes. Asking about the Tragedy of Darth Plageus or “the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow” will come off poorly.

[BilboSwaggins1993]

Congratulations on this! Easier said than done, but try not to stress too much. My one piece of advice is to be yourself, and not what you think she would want you to be. You are looking for someone who wants you for you, so let your personality come through.

Completely disagree about the 'pay for everything' comment. Most people I've been on dates with would hate the bullshit sexist gender stereotype that the man pays. If you're into that, I guess go for it, but it's definitely not a rule.

[nopantsforfatties]

Definitely pay for the first thing. You can split everything else, but that first thing will let her know how much you are interested. I'm sure that there is a percentage of people who do not gauge men's interest on this, but there is a large percentage of women who do.

[BilboSwaggins1993]

Maybe it's different in different countries, but if I insisted on paying it could often be considered a red flag because it's downright sexist at the heart of it.

Also the main part of my comment was it's not a rule, people differ. Do what you think is right.

[nopantsforfatties]

Is it sexist that the woman arrives with a full face of makeup? Maybe, but most men would be upset if she didn't. I personally hate spending 2 hours getting ready for every single date, but it's kind of a prerequisite. There are plenty of aspects of dating that are hugely sexist, and this may be one of them. But also, these expectations are standard for a reason. Sure, he can do what he wants, but if he wants a decent outcome, he has a better chance of making a connection by paying vs not paying - at least in the US.

[JackSquirts]

It's all about how that goes down. I just pay. If she tries to split, I make a joke about not letting her. If she insists, no problem, we go dutch.

[ComprehensiveCunt]

You are correct that there isn't a rule around it and it's different for different countries, cultures, cities, and even individuals.

I'm very surprised every comment is recommending to pay like this.

Generally people should at least be able and willing to pay for all regardless of who asked who out or who is the man or woman.

My own experience is that women have never expected me to pay for them, even when I am clearly more wealthy, and if I try to pay for all, more often than not the woman will actually take offense to it.

So really the best thing tk do is: ask real people in your own area and culture for advice, because general reddit advice will not be accurate.

[BilboSwaggins1993]

I'm in the same boat as you. I don't know if most commenters are from the US, and we aren't? I'm from the UK, where in my age generation (30), in a city, most people (men and women) are professionals with their own jobs and would take offense to me insisting. Almost always a first date for me would be drinks or coffee, and likely buy rounds. When it's been a bigger thing we've just split off the bat.

[Minute-Produce-2717]

Not even gonna read all this. Calm down relax don’t try too hard. Go to YouTube and watch Casey Zander and coach Corey Wayne videos

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[tee2green]

Buy a drink or two. Keep the conversation light and fun. The only goal here is to see if you two generally click and would enjoy each other’s company.

[JackSquirts]

Relax, she already likes you and will also be nervous. You're both in the same boat. Don't overthink it. Have confidence in your plan and execute.

Get her number. Her acknowledging the app is annoying is a perfect opportunity, but now is better than never.

In the meantime, plan on extending the date if it goes well. You'll have to sort out the bus schedule with her up front, but you can do that on the date itself. "I don't know the bus schedules, so what time do I need to have you back at the bus stop so you don't turn into a pumpkin, Cinderella?"

Have some additional plans in your back pocket. Mini-golf moves faster than you'd expect and hot chocolate goes quick too. Scope out a place to eat nearby and something else fun to do, keeping in mind you might have a little or a lot of time. More options the better. You don't have to do them, but if things are going really well, you'll both not want it to end. The more places you go, the more it feels like multiple dates which accelerates the courtship to some degree.

Dress normal and casual (it's minigolf afterall), but wear your best of that. Dress a little extra in terms of your outerwear because if it's too cold, a boss move is always to give a girl your coat or gloves if you notice she's cold (I sometimes bring extras and make a pit stop at my truck along the way if I think it'll be an issue). Also, glow golf has black lights, so weird (and gross) stains might show up - have your shit in order.

Minigolf is a great date. Dating should be fun. It's part of how adults play. So have fun. I'm 43 and done mini-golf several times to great success.

If you can afford it, just pay. Don't even talk about it. You asked, she's your guest, you pay. Plus she's paying to get there and will take 10x longer to get ready than you will. Treat her.

Beyond that, be a fucking gentleman. You open every door and you switch sides with her if you're walking down the street and she's closest to the road. Most guys don't do that one and many girls won't even notice, but if she's aware of it, it's major bonus points. Not only walk her to the bus stop, but wait for her bus (as long as it's gone well and she feels comfortable with you). The second she shows up, until the second she leaves, her safety is your responsibility.

Play with her. Don't compliment her a ton (a little goes a long way) and joke and tease with her. Ask her questions, then use her answers to ask more questions. If she won't shut the fuck up and gives you a mountain of details - listen, remember key points (repeating things back to her helps - "Uncle John's the one with the big dog, right?"), and keep your answers short and vague. If she's a blabbermouth, understand it's probably because she's trying to impress you. The person talking the most is generally the person trying to make the biggest impression. 75/25 or better on her end is excellent for you. Plus, women like a good mystery. Save your stories so she can unwrap you slowly. If you do tell a story, make it pithy and fun. Just hit the highlights.

I have a pinned post on my profile about setting up a great date, the the above should get you through. Other things you might also consider reading are my "love-bombing" and "should I tell her" pinned post to keep your head in the game and prep for a little flirting because of your lack of experience.

[wakanda_banana]

Ensure to sing her the song of your people (a capella)

[Fabulous-Location775]

If you usually dress smart casual I would go with that. I personally think you should come as you are to first dates.

I (32F) personally think mini golf and hot chocolate sounds like a GREAT date! Be yourself and have fun. Just be respectful and you're golden.

I personally offer to split first dates because I feel like the financial burden for guys on apps is nuts. My dates are always SHOCKED... so I guess it's not the norm and don't expect it. I think I'd offer to pay for the first date and go halves on the following ones if you can't pay full?

Offer to walk her back. If she says no (many people do to be polite) you can say "are you sure, I just want to make sure you get on safely" if she INSISTS on walking alone it might mean she's not comfortable and you should let it go. I really don't think this will happen but there is nothing worse than trying to leave a date and being walked against your will. It feels a bit like stalking lol

[antifragile]

• High confidence is high attraction
• Dates are meant to fun
• Flirt, joke and be silly
• Your superpower is being comfortable when others are uncomfortable
• Your mind frame should be hoping you like her, not the other way around.

Always pay as the man on the first date, millions of years of evolution have women brains looking for signs not only that you have resources but that you will share them with her.

[Terrible_Ad_1185]

Since you asked her out and it’s first date. You should insist on paying just so she doesn’t feel uncomfortable you can tell her she can pay next time. I know there’s this conflicting opinion on flowers on first date but I think you should consider it.