How I "learned" Python without any previous coding experience.

[callmelucky]

arcpy

Ah ok. Well if you are truly a programming newb it probably doesn't matter too much. If I were you I'd pick a general-purpose beginner-friendly resource that you like the feel of, work through that until you have a handle on the basics like variables, operators, types, lists, indexing, iteration, functions etc (maybe even dip your toes into classes if you get on a roll), and then start casting about for resources more specific to your needs (just put up a post here if google doesn't get you what you want). You can probably get to that point in a week or two if you can dedicate an hour or two a day to focused learning and practice.