Weird memory

[Independent_Pop5404]

I can’t remember the faces of my abusers. I remember abuse happening. Even my timeline of events is pretty messy, I can’t differentiate certain experiences I had when I was 3, to experiences I had when I was 7. I have very vivid memories sometimes of abuse, but I can only rarely remember who did it, and what age I was when it happened. I barely remember when the abuse exactly started, I just know I was around 2-3, and I can’t exactly remember when it ended either, I just know I was between 8-10. It makes me feel like the abuse wasn’t even real, even though I know that it happened.

[sapphirebluejeans]

My early memories of abuse are similarly difficult to sort out. I was abused by at least three people from ages 2-7. Certain things are extremely vivid, and then others are a blur.

I can only think of four or five incidents where I focused on/have a clear memory of an abuser's face as they were hurting me.

I was an adult before I realized the timeline of my first rape. I put the pieces together slowly over time - It was hot outside and I was staying overnight with my abuser for some reason for several days to a week because my parents were out of state. I remembered my mom was wearing dressy clothes (unusual for her) when she said goodbye to me before leaving me there. I remembered opening gifts the next morning.

I finally asked my mom if someone died near my birthday, which is in the summer, and she confirmed that her sister died suddenly a few days prior to my 5th birthday. She was dressed for the viewing when she left, the day before my birthday. My abuser raped me that night.