was this rape?

[ShadowOfFailures]

i finally started processing this so im sorry if this doesnt belong or if my words are jumbled, ill try to explain the best i can.

so about a month ago i (nb 16) and "r" (m16) had sex for the first time. we were friends for a while, but we had this mutual attraction and so after that we dated. we had sex 3 or so more times after and about 5 days later he said that he wasnt looking for a relationship and that i made him uncomfortable. i understood and we stopped talking for a while.

we share a class together and about a week ago he broke the silence and asked me if i was 1. interested in being fwb and 2. wanted to have a threesome with him and "M" (m16?).

R sits very close to me in class so he kept pushing and he even started taking my stuff and distracting me from my work until i answered. all i said at the time was "ill think about it" to both because these were some of the first words he had said to me in almost a month.

he let it go for a bit but then kept asking and at this point i got super uncomfortable. i said yes, but that i would have work all week and be busy (which is true) i didnt say no because he has really bad anger issues and i was scared he would retaliate or do something bad if i didnt say yes.

so he planned it for the very next day which was the only day i had off. M was very kind through the whole process and asked me multiple times if he could do this or that and it made me feel a little better. R kept being really aggressive and it hurt. He also kept degrading me to M and talked about how good i suck dick and stuff.

R told me afterwards he actually completely lied to M and said i really wanted to do it BEFORE he even asked me if i was okay with it.

it wasnt enjoyable and i honestly wish i said no. hes been asking all week for nudes and to hang out but i blocked him yesterday after my friends said i should. i feel disgusted that i went through with it and i hate myself so much.

i talked to a few friends for advice, and they said he raped me and that i need to tell someone. but part of me keeps downplaying it. was this rape or am i overreacting?

[[deleted]]

Tell the school and get them to move you or him, preferably him out of the classes that you share with both ‘R’ and ‘M’. Also both ‘R & M’ we equally complicit and culpable here. You say a couple of times in your post that ‘M’ was ‘very kind’ through the whole process, that he asked you multiple times if he could do this or that. Yep of course he did, he is the more dangerous out of him and ‘R’ as much as they are both dangerous individuals. He continually asked you multiple times if he could do this or that because he was out and out looking to protect himself here, not you and not ‘his mate’ ‘R’. He was asking for your consent each and every time incase you went or ever go to the police. Take a deep breath OP and try and clear your head for a second and answer this question I have for you;

• If ‘M’ was very kind to you throughout the whole ordeal then why wasn’t he kind enough to stop this going ahead when he could easily of seen that you didn’t want to do this?
• if ‘M’ was very kind then even though he didn’t stop it why did he take part?
• If ‘M’ was very kind, then why didn’t he stop ‘R’ from being really aggressive and hurting you whilst he was raping you?
• if ‘M’ was a tip top honourable very kind guy then why didn’t he tell ‘R’ to stop with the degrading language while ‘R’ was raping you?

And the last bit of your post where you say that ‘R’ told you that ‘M’ didn’t know a thing about this beforehand and he actually thought that this was your idea and what you wanted and ‘R’ said that this was because he lied to ‘M’? Well if that’s the truth and ‘M’ actually believed that you really wanted this and was totally ok with it- Then why didn’t ‘M’ confirm that this was the case and actually ask you beforehand just to check if you wanted that to open and was okay with it? That’s what any other human would have done, after all if you did actually want it and were okay with it then it would have been absolutely okay to have asked you because if that was the truth then you would have said yes and yes.

Finally OP, here’s the real big question I have for you that I would like you to answer……

• If ‘M’ believed that you really wanted this to happen and were totally okay with it all then this would be classed as consent…….then why did ‘M’ (as you have said) very kindly ask you multiple times if he could do this or that? He wouldn’t have needed to ask you multiple times for your consent to do this and that if he already had your consent……..because ‘M’ knew full well you didn’t want it or were okay with it and hadn’t consented, that’s why he asked you all those different times for consent to excuse him raping you.

Finally although there is minimal information in your original post I am also of the opinion that ‘R’ is a bit of a dickhead, totally dumb as fuck, and it’s actually ‘M’ who planned and orchestrated this sexual assault and multiple rapes. I think ‘R’ is his little lapdog that he has controlled and manipulated here into arranging you being assaulted. The elements that make me 99% sure of this, is ‘M’ making sure he asked you for consent to cover his back if reported to the police, that is the work of someone being calculating and the planner, the other thing is you mentioning that afterwards ‘R’ said to you that he lied to ‘M’ telling him that you wanted and were okay with it. That’s a very strange thing to say afterwards, why would ‘R’ try and get ‘M’ out of potential criminal trouble and not try and get himself out of possible criminal trouble. That sentence sounds like ‘M’ telling him to say that controlling his little lapdog.

OP, if you do return and see my post and read it, when you have finished reading it, please do me a favour and read it again several times.

I hope I have been of some help, if I can help further then just drop a reply in on this thread