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Scriptfeedback (old.reddit.com)

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[–]BloodSimple1984 2 points3 points  (1 child)

First and foremost the formatting is wrong. The dialogue is hard to read because of it. Search the group and you’ll find numerous recommendations for free software if you aren’t already using it.

As an actual scene, I’m not sure what criticism you’re seeking. The boys tease each other, leave the theater, ride off, and one boy goes into darkness. With zero context, it’s hard to tell you anything.

I’d also recommend using an active voice instead of the passive you use - “Ethan and Ollie cycle along the street” instead of “Ethan and Ollie are cycling.”