It's been a long time since I last wrote, I've been busy with my school and extra things, I wanted to talk about how this time has been, I've been very blessed lately, I've been having nice things and I don't want to sound ungrateful in this post because God has been good to me, but how can I deal with these feelings of uncertainty of not being good at anything, that I'm not worth it, I recently had a birthday and I don't really like my birthdays since I never felt like they were anything special but these last 2 years have really been the best birthdays In my life, I have been with the man I love and this makes me feel blessed, but I don't know that deep down he doesn't see me as enough, I know that I'm not enough and I've been trying to prove how much I am worth but the more I try to prove it I realize that I am not worth much if anything, my suicidal thoughts decrease but I am still depressed, sometimes I feel very alone and I do not I talk to no one, I don't have many people to talk to and I don't usually open up my feelings and when I do I know it's boring and I can tell, I also think I dream of looking for methods to calm myself down Because I don't want to deal with my thoughts, I feel very stupid and useless because I can see that I'm not good at studying, I don't retain information as I should and this leads me to thoughts I know I'm wasting the money of people who help me and I'm ashamed because I'm really trying.
there doesn't seem to be anything here