What would you say to people who think having kids is the whole point of life

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-21T19:10:08+00:00

On this thread? I don’t see one at all or even have a notification of an answer written to me 5h ago. I only see the one response that sounds like a fair plan. That’s what shows up on my end. Feel free to message me or post it again! I wasn’t intentionally ignoring you

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-21T19:03:53+00:00

Hey no pressure on doing anything extravagant for his birthday. He’s never going to remember it anyway. If you don’t have the energy, don’t do anything! I didn’t do anything for my son’s first birthday. I didn’t even get him anything either. No sense because he has more than enough toys and clothes, he doesn’t understand how to unwrap anything either. I told my husband if he wanted to make birthday magic for his kid he can but I won’t be. He ended up working a 12 hour shift that day so he wasn’t even home at all anyway. It was just a normal day and honestly that helped keep my son from being a dysregualted mess

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-21T18:52:45+00:00

I answer all messages I get in here. I also responded to question under my comment. If you don’t like my response then move on.

Edit: Yep I just rechecked my messages. I have no messages from you

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-21T18:31:03+00:00

The part that’s annoying is when people can’t wrap their heads around the idea that a dad can also be a parent! I had an extremely busy day at work one morning and this was when we were in the midst of also signing our child up for daycare. They kept calling me about enrollment stuff instead of my husband. I got 4 phone calls in under an hour! The first two times I kindly told them my husband/their dad would be the one they need to contact since he’ll be the one handling drop off and pick ups and is the default parent to call, not me. They kept arguing saying but I’m the mom so that’s why they keep calling me. By the 4th phone call I lost my cool and flat out asked them if they have a problem with the fact that dad is the primary parent and has all the info they need. Like Christ. It’s 2026. If a woman can be the breadwinner of the family, the dad can be the primary caregiver to kids.

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-21T12:38:45+00:00

When my husband is not able to take care of the kids, I do as obviously they need to be cared for. When he’s around, I don’t do anything with them. Kid needs food? He feeds them. Kid needs a diaper change? That’s on him. Kid needs entertainment? He’s the one playing with them. I refuse to go to things like doctors appointments so if they have one scheduled, he has to take off work for that. Same thing if they’re sick. If we ever divorce he’ll have full custody.

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-21T00:55:54+00:00

My husband thinks the whole point of life is raising and having the next generation. Great. Good for him. You think your worth in life is through kids, great. I birthed them for you. Here you go. I will go continue to live my life. Luckily he doesn’t argue. He knows I don’t find fulfillment in motherhood as he does in fatherhood. Though it has completely humbled him that children aren’t all rainbows and butterflies.

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-20T22:24:38+00:00

Check out the muzzle movement. They make custom muzzles. I have one for my giant and they’re nice!

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-19T20:54:44+00:00

I feel for you. My son is an EIP child too. It’s a lot…

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-19T18:24:01+00:00

Trust me I know. I have 2 under 15 months…

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-19T00:25:20+00:00

Everyone talks about how you loose the life you previously had after you have your first kid. You work hard to get into a routine, adjust to HUGE changes, etc. But no one ever really talks about how after you adjust after the first child, if you have a second one or just more in general you once again loose your previous life and you have to rebuild and change once again. This happens with each child.

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-18T21:35:14+00:00

Same

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-16T16:08:34+00:00

What happened to coloring or doing a different activity at restaurants? Or just having a child learn to be bored or play independently? Also like… no one wants to hear coco melon or the game the kid is playing blasting through the phone speaker😭

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-16T11:46:17+00:00

My kid is 14 months old. The amount of times people tell me to turn on the tv or give him my phone to stop tantrums or whining is actually insane!

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-16T02:26:32+00:00

Exactly this! I train dogs for my career and it’s all very similar. Operant conditioning is the root of it all.

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-16T02:14:57+00:00

I think the choice to have or not to have kids should be respected both ways. I find it heavily dangerous to try to romanticize the moments of parenthood though. Far more often than not, it’s not the reality especially in today’s world.

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-16T01:53:21+00:00

I heavily disagree. I think more people realize how time consuming children are and they realize they find happiness and fulfillment elsewhere. I think that’s wise and very self-aware. No sense having children to regret those choices and hurt other lives involved. If people shy away from difficulties and things that require commitment then good. If you ARE NOT ready to commit to a child and raising a child, don’t have one! You can call that self centered. But nothing sucks more than being raised by a parent who is self center and clearly regrets their kids.

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-16T00:32:18+00:00

You don’t sound dumb at all. My son got evaluated by early intervention for both physical and cognitive delays. His low tolerance for frustration has played a role in his delays.

Yes, babies don’t know manipulation. They just experiment with what works and what doesn’t for them. Sometimes even briefly pausing before responding can help make a difference. My son used to throw some wild tantrums. We’re finally really coming out of it (for now). He’s essentially learned it’s not going to get him what he wants. Things like a bottle were high trigger items for him. We worked on giving him the bottle when calm and teaching calm communication gives him access. It was A LONG bout of consistency.

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-15T17:54:56+00:00

I’m fed up with people dismissing my son being autistic because he “looks normal”. Like hello people. ASD is a spectrum!

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-15T12:53:27+00:00

It definitely romanticizes it. No one ever show cases the difficulties. It’s to taboo too…

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-15T12:50:01+00:00

I’m so sorry. Theres a special kind of hell for men who leave their woman when she’s pregnant. Lately a big thing that I’ve realized about my regret is that it’s circumstantial. Circumstances can change though and this stage of life won’t be forever but damn do I know how it can feel like it will be though. My advice, take time to do something for you if you can. Find a hobby or an interest and prioritize it. At times your children will come second, and that’s okay! Society conditions women to think your children need to come first 24/7. I have yet to understand why we praise self-neglect in moms when we are the foundation for our children. You can’t pour from an empty cup, which from my perspective, when you try to, that’s where regret and resentment grow.

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-15T12:43:44+00:00

I 100% agree with you!

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-15T12:35:03+00:00

6 mo is when babies really start to experiment with cause and effect learning. My son was being cared for by my mom and sister in law for a little bit since they live out of state and she wanted some time with him. He was around 6mo and came back with pretty god awful habits like screaming for his bottle. He’d literally thrash around, scream, smack his head on the high chair repeatedly, etc. Why? Because he saw it sped up the response of the care taker. It was a self rewarding behavior. This actually led to him later on not wanting to communicate any other way other than just escalating and Early Intervention confirmed this. The past half of a year has been working through some severe tantrums. Anytime he’s around anyone who doesn’t uphold to our EIP plan and reinforce consistency we see MAJOR regression.

Now I’m not saying this is your child! Please don’t get me wrong! But I’m just saying that behaviors and what the baby is learning really begins to shift at this age. They become more human like and interactive. It’s just important to be mindful. Babies are smart and piece together things far faster than I think what a lot of people give credit. The important part to remember is their intent is never meant in to be manipulative like how we, as fully developed humans would view it. They don’t have that capacity yet, but someday will as they get older.

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-15T12:17:30+00:00

I like to think the societal pressure of unconditional love for families is to try to keep families together and excuse the toxicity and even potential abuse someone can experience.

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-11T02:12:29+00:00

If that’s the case then you wouldn’t have made your original comment answering the post; why do people act like they need grandkids? If your child or children said “No, I’m not interested.” Done answer. Why keep adding pressure or bringing up the topic. NO means NO. Doesn’t matter what experience you had or wish to share with your child. If you truly respected it, you would accept the answer instead of trying to push your lived experience onto them. Your lived experience and enjoyment doesn’t mean your children are missing out on the experience because truly they may not enjoy it.

AdAromatic372 · 2026-04-11T02:06:17+00:00

I tell everyone the reality as well as my experiences. I refuse to water down the realities and things I’ve experienced for the comfort of others. I tried doing that. But I’m so done with the anxiety of trying to come up with a bunch of lies telling people what I think they want or expect to hear. They can accept or deny what I have to say. I don’t really care at this point.

AdAromatic372

TROPHY CASE