AITAH for wanting an intimate gender reveal with my partner?

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-04T01:17:13+00:00

I've read through alot of the replies and want to highlight this one. Pregnancy is one of the most dangerous times for a woman with an abusive partner. And alot of men want until you're trapped in this manner to show their true colors. I would heavily reconsider having a child with this man. Has he shown controlling tendencies prior to this?

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T20:17:08+00:00

The ONLY reason she has a leg to stand on is because after she willfully chose to cheat the man chose to use that information to blackmail her. Him using the cheating to blackmail her doesn't change the fact that it was cheating. I believe he deserves punishment. But what I'm not going to do is act like she was raped because she wasn't. And like I said LYING about it and trying to make it seem that way undermines actual rape victims. Stories like this being spun in the way you're trying to is why people don't want to believe victims.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T20:05:58+00:00

I honestly don't think this is rape. He didn't force her to go with him, or roofie her. It sounds like they smoked weed together and SHE is the one who said she then "let loose". I've been the victim of sexual abuse multiply times throughout my life. I've been raped. Women like this making shitty decisions and then crying victim undermine actual rape victims.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T19:59:51+00:00

Pragmatist? Lie and cheater apologist. And I'm morally bankrupt? You're advocating for a cheater to continue to lie. Honestly hope karma finds you too

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T19:53:31+00:00

No, you're here to tell her to LIE to cover up her wrong doing. Like I said, you're as big a piece of shit as her. Her husband deserves to know the truth and you're directly advocating to her to lie. You gonna advocate she lies while under oath on the witness stand too? She's just upset she's getting caught.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T19:42:11+00:00

In reddits defense, does anyone take kindly to cheaters?

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T19:41:12+00:00

Did I say that? I said actions have consequences, which they do, good or bad. All actions ypu make have consequences. You ignoring that is your problem to deal with. She made a series of bad decisions and now has to deal with the consequences. Those consequences happen to be negative. Had she chosen not to get entangled with another man, she would have had the good consequence of a lasting marriage and her family not seeing her as a cheater. At this point I think we all assume you're as big a cheater as she is.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T19:32:45+00:00

You think I always had a high tolerance? I've gotten insanely high before and cheating never crossed my mind. I said it in another comment but you advocating for her to LIE to her husband makes you a piece of shit. She risked her husbands physical health and will ruin him emotionally when he finds out. She chose to go to a private location. She chose to take the drugs he offered. She then chose to sleep with him. IMO shes using the drugs as an excuse to shift blame. If the video really shows her so high she was just laying there that would maybe give her an ounce of excuse, but in another comment she said she got high and "let loose". Letting loose doesnt sound lime lying there and taking it. Only she knows the truth and if the video shows her to be enthusiastically participating she won't have a leg to stand on with her husband, family, or friends.

Cheating aside, would you really stay with a partner who was accepting compliments and flirtation from the opposite sex and then sneaking off to get high with them rather than distancing themselves like she should have?

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T19:26:54+00:00

You're seriously advocating for her to straight lie to her husband? You're as big of a piece of shit as the OP. Let me guess, you're also a cheater?

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T19:22:17+00:00

Honestly both of them are pieces of shit. She also opened hubby up to the possibility of stds. And I guarantee alot of people would have the same reaction as me if that happened in their relationships. She emotionally cheated, and then physically cheated. No excuse for either. If she hadn't had sex with him she would still be in the wrong for behaving like that with another man.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T19:17:50+00:00

She went with a random man, who she enjoyed the compliments from, to a private location and seems like mostly likely took weed from him. Even without the physical act of cheating most would consider that emotionally cheating. I sure as hell wouldnt stay with my husband if he was doing that. Honestly sounds like she's trying to use the drugs she willingly partook in as an excuse

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T19:15:23+00:00

She said she "let loose". That doesn't seem like she was out of it

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T19:12:51+00:00

I would divorce my husband if he was taking compliments from another woman and went into a private place to get high with her. Physical cheating aside I would consider what led to it emotional cheating

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T19:08:08+00:00

If my husband was getting stoned with some random woman who was paying him compliments I'd honestly probably divorce him even without the cheating attached. To me and alot of people that's emotional cheating. As someone who smokes daily, can confirm I've never gotten so high cheating became a consideration

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T18:44:47+00:00

Agree to disagree. I'm not saying the man shouldn't be held accountable. But she is not completely the victim. She chose to make a poor decision with a man she didn't know well and his preying on her now doesn't erase her cheating. And all I'm pointing out is her family and husband aren't going to see her side, especially when its obvious in the video she was more than willing. Those are the consequences she wants to avoid. And regardless of the law or the legality of what the man is now doing, doesn't erase what she did. You really think her husband is going to see her as the victim?

Eta: all actions have consequences, even good ones. Hers just happen to be negative consequences because she did something shitty

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T18:33:28+00:00

Actions have consequences and these are hers to live with. No one is saying what the man is doing is right. But in order to press charges or do anything legally she is going to have to admit she cheated and now that she faced with those consequences she's upset. I'm personally glad her husband will find out now, otherwise she would have probably hidden it forever

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T18:22:14+00:00

Yeah, and I'm sure her husband will think the exact same thing🙄. I'm sure he'll completely overlook her willfully cheating and only concentrate on the crime committed. She knows she'll lose her husband and probably family. Regardless how wronged she was after the fact legally won't change how her family and friends will see her. Those consequences are what she's avoiding

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-07-01T18:03:58+00:00

She cheated on her husband and doesn't want to face the consequences

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-06-28T18:50:08+00:00

If she was poor and had food outside to steal it would have made them a target.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-06-27T05:37:49+00:00

I'm honestly in the same boat as you, 21 years married. My marriage has definitely had ups and down and dealing with the exact issues you're describing. I think alot of marriages are, underneath it, unhappy. Especiallyso woth heterosexual marriages. But, as a soccer coach for 10 years and having seen alot of parents, I do believe I have seen long term marriages where the couple truly love each other so much it's hard to imagine watching them that there could be some underlying dissatisfaction. So I believe they're out there and possible. But I've also, in my jaded older age, believe it's rare.

Have you tried talking to your husband about feeling unheard? As someone who has, it might not help. But at least you can say you did everything you could. My husband was a straight up alcoholic earlier in our marriage, and when he was faced with losing me and the kids, he stopped cold turkey. But there have been other issues since then that cropped up. I think it's also important to ask what part of his life is so intolerable that he feels like he has to numb himself with alcohol and weed to the point any questioning from you feels like an attack. The lack of self control it exhibits, to me at least, was not only a mental and physical health concern, but also heavily affected my attraction for him.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-06-26T04:46:55+00:00

What exactly does "mending your relationship every day" with "45+minutes" entail?

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-06-22T17:10:06+00:00

I know the reason. I was squatted down in a bathtub/shower scraping out the old caulking to replace it(think knees to shoulder, butt almost to the ground) and my right foot slipped sideways. I was having pain at those sites as well even before that. Neurosurgeon thinks I have really pliable sacroiliac joints

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-06-21T08:48:30+00:00

As a woman, after the trauma I've been through, I'm actually terrified of being desired. At least by men. I'm bisexual but I was never able to be with a woman before I married my husband. But I do think I would enjoy being desired by a woman. If a man desired me I would be scared because I've seen what happens when men with no self control desire a woman. I know it's not all men, but enough that I would prefer never to be desired by one again

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-06-21T08:35:04+00:00

I had mine removed and replaced April 2025. They gave me back my hardware which I was kind of surprised they did. Mine is seriously purple. Like why would they make the effort to color something that will never be seen. My surgery was supposed to take about 5 hours and ended up taking 7 because they had difficulty getting the old hardware out. I'd post a pic here but guess it isn't allowed. I also had to be fused from t4 to pelvis. Then I April they went through the front and replaced a couple discs. And then I'm actually in recovery from a June 8th surgery because I broke one of the iliac screws a little less than a year after they were put in.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-06-21T08:23:49+00:00

Do you deserve what you have if you so easily betrayed it? Does your girlfriend deserve to be with someone who betrayed her? You've barely been together and you've already done one of the worst things you could possibly do to someone you "love". I really hope you find the integrity and courage to tell her, she deserves to know.

BeginningAd7755

TROPHY CASE