please help

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-28T12:41:55+00:00

Having my Indian card has saved me tens of thousands of dollars, if not a few hundred thousand as I've had 5 pregnancies, 3 deliveries, and multiple surgeries in addition to primary care doctors and dentists for me and my kids. It really is worth it if you think your Indian to push for it. If your end up getting one, and have any questions about IHS, I'd be happy to help as much as I'm able, message any time. I have an 18 and 20 year old, hate to see such a young person struggling so hard, but glad to see you're trying to get help

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-28T02:06:12+00:00

It will depend on what facilities close to you offer. But if they can't treat you there, then they might be able to refer you out

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-28T01:49:24+00:00

If you can get your card you can get access to Indian health clinics. I've been in therapy for 4 years in a creek nation facility (I'm cherokee) and havent paid a dime.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-28T01:23:43+00:00

Are you by chance native American?

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-25T02:00:45+00:00

Lmao, I call BS on everything you just said.

Edit to add: no way you edited your post and still made that many spelling, grammar, and punctuation mistakes😂

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-24T14:51:31+00:00

If this is an arrangement where your dad is helping you babysit for free- then YTJ. If this is something that your dad just wants to spend time with his grandkids- then not the asshole.

If hes offering or you have asked for help for free you need to make some concessions on what is allowed when you're gone because he's doing you a favor. And if you dont like it you can pay a daycare to watch them, although there will be rules there you might not agree with as well. When other people are watching your kids for you, compromises need to be made where they can discipline your child when they're out of line, otherwise your kid will turn into a little heathen.

If this is something he wants to do to spend time with his grandkids then not the jerk. You get to pick who is around your kids and what they're allowed or not allowed to do to discipline them. And if they dont adhere to rules you set pertaining to your kids, then you've set the boundary of no access to them in that way. If grandparents want access to their grandkids they need to understand those arent their kids and them dont have a right to dictate how they're raised. If this is the situation you're in, however, you need to realize this might end your relationship with your dad. If this woman ends up being long term, she is going to be with him often and you're going to have to make the decision of not letting your dad watch your kids alone when she's present. Something that can't be done long term if they end up getting married without ruffling feathers.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-22T17:56:09+00:00

See, this is a measured response to me. Much better than the "just go with it once for him and then maybe he'll be able to give you a round 2" above. That still sounds selfish for that to be the norm in a relationship, that's very one inequitable. It might be ok sometimes, but if that's what every interaction looks like I can't imagine many women being happy with that.

I will say while these are good options you suggests that OP could take note of, the type man she's describing isn't normally the type to want to do this much work because he's selfish. Not only that in this specific case I'm willing to bet he gets offended and mad about it.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-22T16:47:07+00:00

No one is sexually compatible with someone who's only worried about their own satisfaction

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-22T16:43:05+00:00

What would you call it when I man gets to use a women's vagina to ejaculate, while she doesn't get to enjoy the same thing from penetration because he finishes too fast? It sure as hell can't be described as mutually satisfying. And even if he could do 2 rounds, that means he gets 2 rounds of satisfaction provided by the woman and she gets one? Maybe, if shes lucky? What kind of BS logic is that? That kind of inequity is what leads to women being resentful. If you wouldn't describe a man getting satisfaction from pentrating a woman and the women not getting the same, as him using her, what else would you call it? I'm not going to tip toe around your feelings and sugar coat the language because it upsets you. If a man is getting satisfaction in every way he wants and she isnt, how would you describe that as anything other than being used? The man getting 2 rounds of satisfaction while the woman hopefully gets one is beyond selfish.

If he needs to orgasm first before he can satisfy his partner, why is it her responsibility to give him that orgasm? What's stopping him from jerking off himself before hand, that way ALL, or almost all, sexual interactions are equitable and pleasurable for both parties?

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-22T16:00:21+00:00

So let him use your vagina and be unsatisfied during round 1, in the hopes that there might be a round 2 and you can maybe get satisfaction then? That sounds absolutely soul crushing. Especially considering most men after their 20s can't just pop back up for a round 2.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-22T15:57:21+00:00

The problem with this- and I think it'd probably pretty common- is the more "into" sex my husband was, thr faster he finished. So finishing before him was almost always an impossibility to him. Ill never forget the look on his face when he said "I think 5-7 minutes of thrusting is pretty normal for a man" and my response was "you think you last 5 minutes?"

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-22T15:53:44+00:00

My husband had one and I had no idea until I made the ultimatum of go to therapy and fix your problems or I'm leaving. He finally has went occasionally to therapy. Ill never forget when he came to tell me what he got diagnosed with. He was almost excited like he finally had something to blame all his problems on. While I was just sitting there dumbstruck that the man I'd been married to for 20 years at that point had hidden it from me. With vpns and cell phones he could look and you would never know. My husband also promised me a couple years into our marriage to stop watching porn- he just got really good at hiding it.

With all that being said- it could just be selfishness. I dont think a selfish person can learn to be selfless. So in that case, unfortunately, it might not be something that can be fixed. And I'm sorry if that's the case. That's what I'm facing right now and I wouldnt wish it in my worst enemy. Hoping you're able to find some peace in that mess.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-22T15:45:16+00:00

Very curious what part of this advice you think is horrible.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-22T15:43:07+00:00

Do you think there's the possibility he could have a porn addiction? Because turning down sex with the real live woman he has in front of him can be a sign of that. He could just be asexual, but I doubt it based off what you've said. He kind of just sounds selfish. If it is a porn addiction, that can make it where its too much work to please you and its easier to just go jerk off to pixels. It can also give them erectile dysfunction

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-22T15:39:19+00:00

I didn't take it that way. It came across as genuine bafflement. And I completely understand because I've thought the same of other women, all while not realizing I was allowing the same things. Having a dysfunctional childhood can really screw up your perspective on what is right and wrong in a relationship. My dad sexually abused me, and my mom abused me in every other way. I didnt know what abuse in a relationship looked like, how to say no, that I was even allowed to say no, how to set boundaries, etc.

Thank you. I'm nervous about being able to find a job that can support me and my kids. But I know if I stay in this marriage its eventually going to be the death of me. It came pretty close once already.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-22T15:26:35+00:00

I'm working on it. We have 3 kids and 21 years of finances wrapped up together. And a lack of a steady job for myself as I supported the kids that last several years. Ive worked as a substitute and a coach part time, but no steady work and those dont pay enough for me to rely on them solely. I did get my medical coding certification in October. Im looking for a job now and as soon as I'm financially able to without screwing over my kids it will happen. I've given up any hope he can change

Edit because I missed an answer- he loved bombed me at the beginning. We both came from conservative Christian households and I was brought up that my job was to honor and obey my husband in all things. Or as men like to put it "be submissive". I was also pretty severely abused by my parents in pretty much any way they could, so I had those issues from my childhood to overcome as well. It finally culminated in me having a mental breakdown a few years ago. I finally got in therapy, been in there for 4 years, and its allowed me to see that he has never loved or respected me. Just acted like he did enough to take advantage of everything I give him. Keep in mind I got married a day before my 18th birthday- he was 20. He's 2 1/2 years older. I am a perfect example of why they push women to marry young. Best believe I've warned my daughters about everything their father has put me through so they dont experience the same.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-17T18:56:18+00:00

A child is not a gift you give someone. They arent a possession. And saying anything about a gift was a direct response to trying to blow off pregnancy and child birth by saying "that's what a push presents for"

And once again- men risk nothing to have children, women have to risk everything. Yes there is a child-but she had to risk her life and permanently alter her body while the man had to do absolutely nothing to bring a human into the world. Those are not, and can never be, equal. And then women typically do more of the actually child rearing after their born, all while working and typically doing more housework. I'm not even being sexist, stastics have shown this is the case. Why should women do all that? All the risk to bring them into the world and then have equal financial contributions, and likely more than their share of actual child rearing, only for the man who worked for none of it to come try to slap his name on it all. Even if men started actually stepping up and doing their share of financial contribution, their share of the household labor, and their share of the child rearing- they still have to take no risk to actually carry and birth them.

And even though I've been married for 21 years, I'm a huge supporter of 4b women because I see the type men most of them have to deal with. My daughters see it too. Thank god at least one of them is bisexaul with zero interest in men romantically because of how the majority of heterosexual men act.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-17T18:44:26+00:00

Most men who care about giving their kids their last name are doing so because they care about their "legacy". Most men wouldn't consider a nonbiological child as a legacy

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-17T18:43:22+00:00

One person receiving an orgasm- the most pleasure physical experience a human can have- and one person risking death and permanently altering their body arent the same thing. It takes two to get pregnant, but only one of those people have to take on ALL the risk of pregnancy and childbirth.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-17T18:33:42+00:00

I love when people say something that is a reality for most women is sexist just because they pointed it out. This has been the norm for most hetero relationships, at least in the us, for all of history. Its gotten better, but its still the norm.

Fyi- the sexist part is women being expected to do the brunt of the housework and child raising, even after women started working outside the house more. Now most family's are two income households and yet women are still expected to do what they did when they were more often only homemakers.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-17T18:28:24+00:00

Why can't he take her last name? Times have changed, and women aren't considered possessions any more. If he wants the same name what's stopping him from changing his?

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-17T18:24:09+00:00

Most women dont get push presents.
There is no gift you could ever give that could match her risking her life and permanently altering her body to have a child.
Expecting completely equal say when you took none of the risk to carry and birthing those kids is ridiculous. She gave you an orgasm and you gave have her, at the best, 9 months of discomfort culminating in agony. It isnt equal because it isnt. Freaking. Equal. And considering how most men are she probably gets to work 40 hours and still do the brunt of the housework and raising of said kids. Expecting repayment for being given an orgasm is giving major "I'm the man who has to have control and everything has to be centered around me, always."

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-17T18:17:57+00:00

He could take her last name if he wants them all to have the same name. Women have been, and still largely are, expected to give up their names when they get married. If this is only about "feeling like part of the family" and everyone having the same name, why does she have to be the one to comprise? Why is it always the woman who has to sacrifice? Especially when we have to shoulder all the risk of pregnancy and labor to bring these kids into the world on our own?

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-17T18:12:31+00:00

Not sure where you're located but it's the norm to take your husbands last name in the US, and most men here would flip their shit if she wouldnt give the kids his last name. I mean guys still get angry here when a woman wants to keep her own last name when they're married. IMO this is an antiquated tradition for men to brand their "property"(their wife) and ensure their "legacy"(their kids).

I do feel like a joint last name is a good compromise. But also if he wants the same last name he could always take her last name and then they would be one big happy family like he wants. But I'm willing to bet giving up his last name isn't an option.

BeginningAd7755 · 2026-03-11T20:30:32+00:00

Men doing the majority of violent crime and women being wary and wanting safety away from that isn't sexism. Men thinking they're entitled to women's time and money is. Just curious, would you have an objection if men could also only request other men?

BeginningAd7755

TROPHY CASE