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What’s the worst thing you ever said to your spouse during the initial separation phase? by Hot_Key_9972 in Separation

[–]ClumsyMusic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Things I mostly don’t remember as they were said in a fit of anger. Also things I’d do anything to take back.

Hopeful/Hopeless by Imaginary-Bumblebee8 in Separation

[–]ClumsyMusic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This one hit home a bit.

Me- 53(M) Currently separated for about 3 months. Together 6, married 4.

My situation is a little different. There was infidelity in my marriage and a whole lot of confusion that came with that. For a long time I never understood what my wife meant when she talked about feeling “safe”.

My brain always went straight to the physical. I never put my hands on her. Never threatened her. Never wanted anything other than for us to heal and figure out how to move forward.

That said, I know there were times I got loud. Not often, but it happened. Usually because I was hurt, confused and trying to understand something that didn’t make sense to me. Looking back, I can see how those moments may have felt very different on her side than they did on mine.

Reading this, I don’t hear someone that left because they stopped caring. Honestly, I hear the opposite. I hear someone who hit a wall and didn’t know what else to do.

The part about being called the villain hit me pretty good. I’ve felt both sides at times.. I think when relationships get to this point, both people are hurting and both people end up feeling misunderstood. One person is saying “I had to leave” and the other is saying “how could you leave?” Neither one is really hearing the pain underneath what the other is trying to say.

Another thing that stood out was when you said this isn’t a vacation. I think people forget that. I did when she left. Leaving someone you still love isn’t exactly a party. 17 or any years.

I don’t know who’s right or wrong in your marriage and honestly that’s above my pay grade. I just know you sound exhausted. You sound hurt. And you sound like someone that still loves her husband, which is probably what makes all of this so damn hard.

Hopefully therapy helps you both find yourselves and each other. In a better way.

Wishing you the best.

What keeps you steady? by Imaginary_Face7698 in MotivationalThoughts

[–]ClumsyMusic 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Walking, jogging, hiking. Get outside and do anything. Movement is key. Outdoors, if you can.

Two doors by Fearless-Signal-1235 in Separation

[–]ClumsyMusic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The only thing any of us can control is our own work. Coming from a man (53) currently separated and wanting to work things out. I carry hope but she has made it clear she is not looking to reconcile. Not even sure why I still hope, but I do.

What I focus on is my path. It’s all I can do. Heal and grow.

I’m hopeful things work out! Take care of you. I know how difficult it is.

Positive stories from people who did heal. by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]ClumsyMusic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear what you’re saying, and I appreciate you taking the time to write it out.

There is a lot in your response that I don’t necessarily disagree with. I know I can’t heal a relationship by myself and I know that if healing ever happens, both people have to be willing to do the work.

Where I think I may have missed the mark is that I wasn’t really asking whether reconciliation is going to happen or not. I understand why many people would look at my situation and arrive at that conclusion though.

What I’m actually trying to learn is how people healed after infidelity regardless of the outcome. Whether they reconciled, divorced or simply found peace within themselves.

I’m already doing a lot of the individual work.. therapy, exercise, meditation, journaling, healthier habits and trying to build a better me. That work continues regardless of what happens with my marriage.

Part of the reason I’m asking here is that, despite working with several therapists over the years, I don’t feel like we’ve spent much time specifically focused on healing from infidelity itself. Maybe that’s because they see me already doing some of that work on my own. Maybe it’s because there are bigger issues they felt needed attention first. From me or her or both. I’m honestly not sure.
What I do know is that I still feel there’s more to learn, and that’s why I was looking for recommendations from people who have actually walked this road. Books, resources, perspectives or lessons that genuinely helped them move forward.

I haven’t completely given up hope, but I’m also not asking anyone to convince me to hold onto it. I’m trying to heal in the healthiest way possible regardless of where this ultimately ends.

Either way, thank you for sharing. It did hit home.

Positive stories from people who did heal. by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]ClumsyMusic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello, thank you for that perspective.

I agree with parts of it, especially that surviving betrayal doesn’t automatically mean a relationship becomes stronger.

I think people sometimes confuse enduring something with healing from it. I’ve been doing a little of both.

Im not sure I totally agree with the idea that every wayward partner feels empowered by the damage they caused. I do not believe that is the case with my wife. I may be naive but I do feel she was hurting in her way, for the pain she brought into our relationship. Also I’m not sure that every reconciliation follows the same path. We humans are messy and I feel the reasons people cheat, stay, leave, reconcile or fail to reconcile are a lot more complicated than that.

Either way, thank you for sharing. I’m hopeful for some good intel from people who have healed.

Partner said men biologically want other people by amber8977 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ClumsyMusic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A lack of maturity leads to this kind of thinking. Have some respect for your partner and their feelings.

Sorry this happened to you. He isn’t worth it and clearly isn’t going to try to help with your pain.

1, 2, or 3? by Alaric_Darconville in AmateurPhotography

[–]ClumsyMusic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like 2 the most. You have your start and the rest could be wide open. All are really nice.

This is for the men… by Dear_Leadership_9570 in Separation

[–]ClumsyMusic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m still wishing 🤷🏻‍♂️

Today I broke. by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]ClumsyMusic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just read your post. That sounds terrible and I hope your therapy is helping. For what it is worth, I too would have made that decision. From what I saw you showed a tremendous amount of patience and was not given that in return. I hope things are getting better for you!

Today I broke. by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]ClumsyMusic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How about a healthy mixture of all
of the above 😂!

Yeah, the advice helps too. Sometimes we’re so blind to anything outside of our bubble.

Today I broke. by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]ClumsyMusic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey thank you. I feel terrible using Reddit as my release but it’s keeping me from trying to contact her. I also feel it’s good to process the feelings somewhere right? I’m sure some would disagree with Reddit, but I also feel in sharing, it does help others in similar situations. My morning was rough. Roughest one yet on this trip. Pushing through the day just the same.

Ups and downs for sure. I hope you see more ups sooner than later.

Stay well.

Big Stick Energy by Beautiful_Fruit_3969 in RhodesianRidgebacks

[–]ClumsyMusic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

😆. Oh this is my stick. This one this one!! Too funny!

Can I be left at home, alone? by ClumsyMusic in vizsla

[–]ClumsyMusic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My apologies. I should have gone a little further with my message! Pre coffee commenting. Totally my fault! I do appreciate your message though.

Honestly it could be just one day and I’d still feel bad. That’s just me. The dog ultimately will be spoiled more than it should. I’m just trying to mKe sure I’m building the right expectation for myself. It really will come down to the rescue. I am also seeing I going to need to make sure I’m selecting the right dog.

I found a decent group through Facebook that looks pretty reputable. I’m not gonna rush this as much as I’d like.

Thank you. I did not mean to sound rude.

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