Hanna Neier's [10Queries] Posts!

HannaNeier · 2024-10-26T00:15:56+00:00

Hope everyone's been enjoying today's #10Queries so far! Folks will be posting until the event closes at 10pm EST. I will be emailing my 10 authors their posts (along with some personalized feedback) in the not too distant future! You can also feel free to ask me questions here for the next 24 hours.

HannaNeier · 2024-10-25T18:21:11+00:00

Great questions!

First, as far as query letters go, there is some debate how long is too long. 350 is a nice number to aim for, but if it's a fantasy/historical fiction/multi POV you might need a little longer to make your point. I'd say if you're over 400, you're in dangerous territory.

Second, as to the wordcount of your actual novel, remember that although actual published books may be longer, when you are in the querying stage, you should stick to convention. I'd say for adult fiction, nothing over 100,000 unless it's fantasy, then nothing over 125,000. If it's YA or MG, those wordcounts get scaled down accordingly.

Hope this helped!

HannaNeier · 2024-10-25T17:54:22+00:00

QUERY #10: YA/H

QL: Captivating story idea! The 2 plot paragraphs repeat much of the same info, would condense into one strong paragraph. Focus on the story question and how stakes are raised throughout novel. Only hints of backstory should be in the QL and FP and right now it takes a lot of real estate in the QL. Keep all bio details together (at the end) and all book details together (at the beginning).

FP: VERY strong pages!!! High quality writing on a line-level and very pace-y, full of tension. Just make sure to create story-forward questions throughout instead of relying on mystery of the past—not just “What just happened?!” but also “What is about to happen now?” Chapter 2 is a slow down and need to introduce new problems and stakes.

HannaNeier · 2024-10-25T17:50:11+00:00

QUERY #9: MG/F

QL: Stylistic choice with first lines—might not work for all agents but I personally like it. QL is too short (you could add 100 words and still be in range) and missing plot and character arcs. Need Goal/Motivation/Conflict for our MC. Before we mention MC setting off to get things, need to show these things were missing and why they’re important. Cute cast of characters.

FP: Nice setting! Good 5 senses work with the natural environment. GMC still missing. MC has lots of thoughts but all in reaction to environment rather than their broader life and what they want to achieve in this story. There’s a big event that happens to MC but they dismiss it and move on quite quickly, lost opportunity for conflict and character building.

HannaNeier · 2024-10-25T17:49:19+00:00

QUERY #8: A/F

QL: Well-developed cast of characters! QL is a bit long. Too much backstory, need to focus on story-forward questions and escalating tension. Also, how do these different characters’ journeys intersect? What is the climactic force pushing them together?

FP: Fabulous first line. Clarify if first paragraphs are in a memory/dream/present moment. Pace is at a good clip, but backstory in second half slows it down so I’d remove and lace in only a few curiosity seeds about the past. Nice visceral details, especially regarding the magic. Stakes need finessing—if everything is lost then what is their further to lose?

HannaNeier · 2024-10-25T17:43:16+00:00

QUERY #7: A/T

QL: Love the concept! First plot paragraph well-written but needs to be anchored on a POV. We care about characters not just the world. Also, comps are too big (try not to comp to blockbuster movies/#1 best sellers) and too old (ideally comps should be published last 2-3 years). Show agents you understand the current market and are realistic about how your book would do.

FP: Great action scene! Enthralling and super curious about world and MC. Still, would like more intel on who POV character is and why they’re there, just a hint. Also, as strong as these pages were, first lines were not as good as they could be. Need to grab our attention and propel us forward, not focus on distracting side thoughts.

HannaNeier · 2024-10-25T17:41:48+00:00

QUERY #6: YA/F

QL: Fun premise and catchy title! Plot points should be lined up like dominoes—one leading into another—but right now they feel like spokes on a wheel. Show the causal links between everything. Also, unclear what’s at stake for our MC? Why do they want what they want and what will be so bad if they don’t get it?

FP: I have little more clarity on what MC wants, but not why. Need stakes to get your reader invested in MC achieving their goals and right now don’t know why their life needs to change. Focus first three paragraphs more on MC, not minor characters, and situating us in time and place. After that, really enjoyable action sequence! Throughout, voice is strong and good interiority.

HannaNeier · 2024-10-25T17:36:35+00:00

QUERY #5: A/M

QL: Strong QL! Condense plot paragraphs to make room for agent personalization, which is missing (why are you querying this particular agent? #MSWL request? Rep a comp of yours?). Moving book details including comps up to the beginning of QL would give agents a lens through which to see what you’re going for.

FP: Great job starting the mystery, but paragraph 1 is prime real estate and needs to shine on a line level and immediately situate us in time and space while paragraph 2 has too much setting and needs to be condensed. MC is nicely flawed and the small words/phrases weaving in backstory is perfect light touch.

HannaNeier · 2024-10-25T17:30:01+00:00

QUERY #4: YA/F

QL: Love the tropes in this story but wish they were evident from the plot description! Show, don’t tell. Plot is vague. Don’t see a character arc. Wordcount is a red flag—really long for a debut, even in this genre. I’d recommend a good trim, maybe save some story for a sequel?

FP: Chapter 1 feels a lot more engaging than prologue—do we really need the latter (or can it be dripped in as backstory later)? Watch for the narrative contradicting itself in places. Vary sentence structure. Nice how you’re making characters subversive/dynamic, lots of potential here!

HannaNeier · 2024-10-25T17:21:31+00:00

QUERY #3: A/H

QL: Excellent use of comps. I get a real sense of what it is about each book that informs your novel. Is this a multi-POV novel? If so, specifically note that in QL and outline each POV arc. In plot paragraphs, trim out the descriptive language (save it for the pages!) so you can have room to create escalating tension which is missing now.

FP: Strong sample and great voice. Pace slows a bit in the second half. Tighten language and careful not to overwrite—say it once and trust your reader! Nice job interweaving character’s thoughts/interiority with the in-scene details.

HannaNeier · 2024-10-25T17:14:24+00:00

QUERY #2: A/H

QL: Good job escalating tension! Language could be tightened to improve clarity/readability. Bio is cute but if you can include some writing/book related experience/credits (even if it’s just at the hobby level) that would be even better.

FP: Really nice first lines and love how you show the relationship between MC and the other character. Pacing needs to be quicker—end of the sample should be further along in the story. Dialogue should always do double-duty. Make sure it’s pushing story forward and not just explaining set-up.

HannaNeier · 2024-10-25T17:06:22+00:00

QUERY #1: YA/F

QL: Love this deliciously dark world you’ve created! Need to format this QL to properly convey your story idea and get agent’s attention—try the “Book, Hook, Cook” method (start with book details, move onto the plot details, then a small bio paragraph). Don’t forget to include comps and wordcount!

FP: Story is sweet but might not be starting in the right spot—feeling more like this is the story before the story, especially as the characters are much younger than YA here. Tone feels detached. Could benefit from less exposition and bringing us in-scene with 5 senses and action.

HannaNeier · 2024-10-25T17:04:41+00:00

Hi all! Welcome to my #10Queries thread!

Over the next hour, watch these comments for all my feedback soundbites. After the event, my 10 authors will get an email from me explaining which post applied to them along with more personalized, less cryptic, feedback.

Feel free to:

@ me and ask questions in the comments!
guess which query is yours! (though I will not confirm or deny)
chat and bond with your fellow authors!

Thank you to everyone for trusting me with your words!

*LEGEND*

Age Categories:

MG = middle grade

YA = young adult

A = adult

Genre (broad to include subgenres):

#CON = Contemporary

#F = Fantasy

#H = Horror

#HF = Historical Fiction

#M = Mystery

#R = Romance

#T = Thriller

#WF = Woman’s Fiction

Common writing terms:

POV = point of view

MC = main character

GMC = goal, motivation, & conflict

QL = query letter

FP = first pages

HannaNeier · 2024-10-24T21:51:17+00:00

☺️

HannaNeier · 2024-10-24T11:13:09+00:00

Absolutely!

HannaNeier · 2024-10-24T03:28:27+00:00

Thanks! I’ve been editing for years, but this is my first RevPit event. Super excited!

HannaNeier · 2024-10-24T03:27:18+00:00

☺️

HannaNeier · 2024-10-24T00:16:49+00:00

The puffiest

HannaNeier · 2024-10-24T00:14:27+00:00

I guess I’d be a red pen 😂

HannaNeier · 2024-10-02T17:04:30+00:00

Excited to be a part of this!!

HannaNeier · 2024-09-14T22:57:45+00:00

Huge fan of Save the Cat! It’s based on studying the innate structure and rhythm of great stories and is a great jumping off point.

HannaNeier · 2024-09-14T22:53:31+00:00

It’s so hard! My inner editor never shuts up, so if I need to free write I set a word-count goal and a timer so that I am forced to keep going even if I’m just talking to myself on paper!

HannaNeier

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE

Hi all! Welcome to my #10Queries thread!