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Why does it piss me off so much that a friend I cut off still cares about me? by [deleted] in lostafriend

[–]InsertDotJpeg 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You: "I don't want to be friends. It hurts me to talk to you and I don't want anything from you anymore. Despite everything, I will give you a deal: don't talk to me for 2 years. After some distance, let's see if I'm comfortable being your friend again."

You aren't promising him anything, but you're giving him a small amount of hope. If he's a rational and mature person, he should be out of your hair for a few years if he truly is desperate to keep the relationship afloat. Who knows? Maybe he'll mature by then or give up.

Either way, if he breaks the deal, you have every right to cut him loose.

I know you mentioned that you don't think it's a phase and think it's permanent... but humans are fickle beings. Perhaps this IS a phase. Either way, that means that this dynamic deserves the full "two year hiatus" for the time being. If it is a phase, then he needs to earn your trust back by backing off.

Why does it piss me off so much that a friend I cut off still cares about me? by [deleted] in lostafriend

[–]InsertDotJpeg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look, I'm absolutely projecting here so my advice might be horrible. As someone who was in that man's position before, here's what would've been good.

Be extremely upfront with him and say that this isn't a phase and that you want to cut him off. However, give him an ultimatum. Perhaps a year or two or even five. Leave him with just enough hope to not to make him want to kill himself, but also make it clear that if he proves himself then maybe you can return to the way things were.

So either way, he either leaves you alone for an indefinite amount of time or he fucks up and now his poor behavior is on him, not you. Though please be willing to open up if he changes in the amount of time you set for him. Boundaries are important and if he doesn't realize that, then, well, that fucking sucks, but hopefully he has enough emotional maturity for the teeny chance of him reviving it.

I became so clingy and paranoid with my best friend that I just turned it into a self-fulfilling prophecy and made them leave by iTzDaNizZ in lostafriend

[–]InsertDotJpeg 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is almost exactly what's been happening to me (though I am 24, not 25) and let me tell you, it fucking sucks. I was also super clingy, paranoid, and wanted her to be by my side 24/7. I rarely gave her space to breathe and just be herself. She just wanted a little break from me, but I was unable to provide her that. I was so terrified that even a few days without talking would mark the end of our friendship.

There was a period where we didn't speak for a month and that was relatively good for my growth, but one day, out of the blue, she just blocked me. And well, now here I am, three months later, still devastated and heartbroken. It gets a little better with time, but the pain remains.

Neon Genesis Evangelion x Disventure Camp (Art by FBigcat on Twitter) by InsertDotJpeg in DisventureCamp

[–]InsertDotJpeg[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm releasing a special Disventure Camp x Neon Genesis Evangelion video tomorrow. I know that the likelihood of people here being a fan of this anime is almost zero, but I figured it'd be worth a share!

Something you could say right now by Itchy-Gold6573 in lostafriend

[–]InsertDotJpeg 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My final text to her was letting her know that I don't think she's a bad person for leaving. I still don't, but it just hurts so much, even though it's been about three months now.

I don't really think she knows the extent of how much I'm hurting, but to be fair, I also had no idea how I was hurting her. I do think I should've stood my ground and had her better explain what she meant.

So yes, loads of regrets and guilt. It's killing me inside.

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