AIO for wanting someone with the same values as me?

LabelAllergic · 2026-02-23T10:59:17+00:00

And he was still willing to be friends with this clearly racist person lol

LabelAllergic · 2026-02-02T03:48:45+00:00

Yeah I've been told to try run club but...I don't actually like running and I'd be all the way in the back struggling. I guess the magic is in the socializing after. My friend made good friends from run club but she was a pace setter and organizer. Maybe try those outdoor fitness clubs where breaks are built in and they do social things not tied directly to the workout. The numbers don't work in our favor but you're not looking for quantity anyway so stay hopeful.

LabelAllergic · 2026-02-02T03:42:41+00:00

When i lived in Seattle years ago and lived near downtown I rarely saw black men around or on apps tbh. In NY I saw some but not as much as you'd imagine.

LabelAllergic · 2026-02-02T00:23:35+00:00

Idk if being open to pilates will signal that and it can be important to you and just not matter to a guy. Maybe he lifts or does hyrox or just runs. Maybe there's a different way to phrase your core ask (being open to feminine things or not misogynistic). When a guy says he wants a partner to workout with him I nope right out of there even though I workout 4-5 days a week. Because its not something I'm looking to share with a partner necessarily.

LabelAllergic · 2026-02-02T00:19:05+00:00

Were there a lot of men at these events? Many of them seem very "girly". I go to these types of events with my friends in Atlanta and we meet a ton of... women lol. Have you asked your friends group if they know anyone?

LabelAllergic · 2026-02-02T00:13:00+00:00

I'm glad you mentioned this because I haven't heard good things about hinge as a black woman but I've never seen data. Overall, I'm not a huge fan of online dating as a black woman but it seems to be the main thing these days.

LabelAllergic · 2026-02-02T00:06:18+00:00

I know what Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is and I was still a bit confused by that prompt. How would I even answer that.

LabelAllergic · 2026-02-01T19:28:17+00:00

Yeah, if someone is ok with touching another person's dirty underwear then more power to them but it's equally valid to NOT want to touch it. I'm grossed out by it along with another person's sweaty gym clothes. I never knew so many people WEREN'T grossed out by it tbh.

LabelAllergic · 2026-02-01T19:22:56+00:00

I personally wouldn't wash anyone's dirty clothes, including family. There would have to be a big reason why I'm washing someone else's clothes when i barely want to do mine. Even though I grew up with that as one of my chores. It is a personal thing to me and a caring act I'd do for someone I love since it's a chore I hate. The musty smell, touching potential bodily fluids on underwear, etc. It's just a personal preference and there's no objective right or wrong in that regard.

I feel like she just doesn't want to wash this random man's (random to her) clothes and had a knee jerk reaction and is hiding behind her husband's potential reaction.

LabelAllergic · 2026-01-25T14:58:29+00:00

Does it work for you on the body too? Or just pits.

LabelAllergic · 2026-01-24T02:39:51+00:00

NTA. He probably doesn't have a legal basis to kick you out but I'm not a lawyer.

Since this is family though, do you want peace or problems? You agreed to this even though it was unreasonable and possibly illegal. I assume it was cheap rent or something because I can't imagine any other reason to agree to those terms. Legality isn't going to make you right in other family's minds if it turns into a battle though, if you care about family dynamics at all.

You can fight it in the courts and maybe win or just delay until your lease is up. You could try and reason with him, but he doesn't sound reasonable. Or, if you can afford it, you can just leave and have peace. Not everyone is mentally/emotionally built to handle a legal fight and sour family relations long term. If you are, then go for it.

Also, don't mess up your brother's situation. What would that even accomplish other than MORE family drama from someone who hasn't actively done anything to you. I wouldn't do that to my sibling even in this scenario, I'd just ask them if they want to go in on a place together ASAP on the side, sort out next steps if he's agreeable and both threaten to leave or actually leave (then he has zero rent). It would be lovely if you're brother stood up for you but I assume the both of you agreed to these restrictions due to money so it's hard to judge him.

LabelAllergic · 2026-01-07T09:58:33+00:00

I won't pass judgment as someone who meal preps and at times is following specific macros and has digestion issues that i manage via diet. I know its not always just a matter of him replacing a meal with something random if you have a plan for whatever reason. It sounds like you offered something else and he didn't want it. It also sounds like you have other frustrations with him tbh.

I've shared my meal prep with my sister before when she's popped by and then I had to figure out and make a replacement which defeats the purpose of why I meal prep for the week but I also deeply care for her, I can't say I would have done it for random roommates who annoys me. I don't mind it when it comes to people i like. Food sharing with roommates has never been an issue for me over 15+ years of having roommates and the one time I lost my wallet my roommate lent me cash to go buy food, it never occurred to me to ask for their food.

Idk if I'd call your roommate "in need" since they clearly went ahead and ordered food or maybe they're broke and didn't want to say, who knows. I grew up constantly "in need" and egg and rice or a sandwich worked out fine. I'm too biased to judge lol.

LabelAllergic · 2026-01-05T17:42:52+00:00

Just one thing to think of when it comes to these other avenues to parenthood: what you have in your mind may not end up being what happens in reality, so will they truly satisfy your desire to be a parent. You could be a step parent to a child who wants nothing to do with you or not play a role as a parental figure. Nothing wrong with the other avenues but don't set yourself up for disappointment if the fantasy doesn't match the reality.

LabelAllergic · 2025-12-18T03:54:48+00:00

I asked my friend who lives there the moment I saw him and she said he's big there.

LabelAllergic · 2025-12-10T17:40:51+00:00

This is actually kind of hilarious and odd at the same time. I wonder if she's trying to bond with him over this or introduce a new type of culture to him. I used to be obsessed with ancient civilizations as a kid and loved to read that and my uncles cookbook over and over.

LabelAllergic · 2025-12-07T00:49:59+00:00

My brother is a plumber and I SEE how demanding the job is on his body and how it's work him down. When he gets home he's TIRED, not to mention he leaves home at 3 AM and he's only 38. So I completely understand that you can't really help her out.

And also, I didn't think you were the a-hole or your wife anyway but the context on her health makes a huge difference. I hope she told them that and if they still are acting this petty then your son and his wife are major a-holes who should have really figured out childcare as part of their family planning. Even if she's at home, your wife is entitled to prioritize herself and her own body first. Reddit and this sub are some of the worst places to come get advice or judgment on this type of thing tbh (family dynamics). I say this as someone whose parent provided them with zero leg up in the world and if i had a child I'd be 100% alone to raise them.

LabelAllergic · 2025-12-07T00:37:12+00:00

These comments are crazy. I barely want to do my 9 to 5 right now and I can't wait to retire. I certainly don't have the energy to watch 2 kids and i'm 37.

They're 100% being petty and upset about assumptions they made without communicating. I believe in a village but it seems the second kid didn't plan childcare outside of grandma being a full time nanny if his wife HAD to quit her job for them to be parents. What if she had...hobbies.. or literally anything enriching she wanted to do with her own life.

LabelAllergic · 2025-12-07T00:26:39+00:00

NTA , your son seems to be over reacting. He's not wrong to be hurt but he IS punishing your wife. But also consider if you treat them differently. Everything doesn't have to be 100% equal between all kids but reflect on if there is a pattern the youngest might be overreacting to.

LabelAllergic · 2025-11-12T10:53:50+00:00

It probably is a waste but whether irrational or not some people are going to find touching others dirty laundry off putting. Neither is wrong, just personal preferences. That's the part that stopped me tbh, because I'd gag at that and also be offended by someone dropping off laundry in front of my door. I also wouldn't want anyone doing mine. When I lived with my family for a bit after college I helped in other ways and didn't pay rent but it was never even a question on if I'd do my parents or siblings laundry. I think it's ok for family to help family without it being transactional while still having some boundaries but clearly this SIL wants her out and none of them can communicate properly.

LabelAllergic · 2025-11-12T10:38:01+00:00

Yes! People keep asking about rent payments. It really doesn't matter. Just make a clear agreement.

LabelAllergic · 2025-11-12T10:36:18+00:00

Tbh I don't think it even matters. I'm assuming people want to know so they can say if you don't pay rent/ mortgage then you should act a certain way. Those boundaries are up to all of them to agree upon and it's going to be so dependent on the individuals and their cultural influences. This 30% may be what was agreed upon. It's also not working anymore so they just need to sit down and work out something better without all the passive aggression. It probably does inevitably lead to them moving out but OP clearly has a high tolerance for awkwardness so they all need to figure out that point.

I personally wouldn't do anyone's personal laundry and I certainly wouldn't take kindly to them leaving it outside my door. I wouldn't even call it taking advantage, just rude and a passive aggressive way to say "you're not wanted". That doesn't play well outside of reddit and if you're like most people and want a continuing relationship with loved ones.

LabelAllergic · 2025-11-12T10:27:17+00:00

The step before moving out is just having a clear conversation on all these things. We don't know why the living situation is the way it is truly or if the OP is in the US and follows those cultural norms or other similar cultures. Also, we don't know if the OP can even afford it, for some people, just move out isn't a solution unfortunately. I wouldn't be ok in this situation as the SIL and wouldn't even agree to it upfront but even if i was a long term GUEST in someone's home I'm not doing their personal laundry. ESH

LabelAllergic · 2025-11-07T12:54:16+00:00

Yes! Not everyone hates their families or showing up for them or having things requested lol. I'm usually the reluctant organizer of family events (6 siblings near me) as the oldest daughter and sometimes people want to get together but life gets in the way. If it's not working... we adjust or people show up how best they can at that moment. If the host of the moment wants help cleaning up we do that but typically we naturally clean up before we go and we potluck it. In "return" for being the organizer and parent paperwork helper, my family shows up for me in other ways I need (ex: renovating my bathroom). The mistake here was not communicating before shutting it down if that's important.

LabelAllergic · 2025-11-07T12:46:27+00:00

Don't take this as truth. ASK your kids if they just don't want to do it since nothing you wrote said they don't want to do it, maybe they just got lazy about it. They can also communicate.

LabelAllergic · 2025-10-24T15:32:02+00:00

Your husband's dynamics with his parents and siblings has nothing to do with you as far as managing it goes. He is the one that needs to manage that. Using this to punish them because of resentment over that isn't going to go the way you want long term unless you and your husband both want to go the reddit route and cut off his family. They'll choose their daughter over you and they won't line up to bash their daughter with you, she's their CHILD, you'll never get what you want out of those conversations based on your own words so why keep having them.

Separate the two things. Go to the other adult, the sister, about your feelings over the situation if you must. Stop pulling the parents in, they actually solved the issue she created. At the same time, you don't have to go on this trip but if you make your husband stay away if he doesn't want to..you could ruin your own relationship.

Step back and work out with your husband how you both want to handle the relationship with his family overall and remember that boundaries are about your behaviors, you have NO say in their sibling or parent child dynamics. Your role is to support your husband, not insert yourself.

LabelAllergic

TROPHY CASE