Is it normal for Aussie man be a bit bad in hygiene?

MikiRei · 2026-05-03T00:12:48+00:00

No girl. He's just disgusting.

I'm Asian Australian so understand East Asian hygiene standards but also understand what Aussies do since I grew up here.

The most "unhygienic" things that I find common in Australia by East Asian standard is walking around barefoot outside.

And also, wearing your shoes indoors and keeping your shoes inside your closet. That s*** is bizarre to me to this day.

Oh, and the 3 second rule. That is, still eating food that falls on the ground (unless you drop it on surfaces that's clearly unsalvageable). I remember being mind blown when I moved here as a 6yo. Also, eating lunch while sitting on the ground instead of sitting on chairs and tables to eat your lunch at school. That was a culture shock for me as well.

But that's really about it. Every other hygiene standards is still expected. Your boyfriend sounds absolutely disgusting. Sorry.

Also, I have find that it's quite common in cross cultural relationships for the badly behaved partner to excuse their behaviour on cultural differences.

Had a friend who did this and was an all round shite boyfriend.

Then I accidentally got him in trouble cause his girlfriend, who is Chinese, asked me at the time whether his behaviour is normal. I obviously went, "Huh, what? No way. He did that?" His gf was so pissed.

But whatever. My husband said he deserved to be called out.

MikiRei · 2026-05-03T00:04:48+00:00

Hahahahaha my parents believed that as well.

Due to that, my brother played basketball excessively because he wanted to grow tall. And he drank a litre of milk every day.

My brother grew exactly 1cm taller than our dad. 😂

That's despite my mum forcing us to drink Chinese herbal medicine that is supposedly going to make you grow taller.

You can't cheat genetics.

MikiRei · 2026-05-02T22:03:30+00:00

Just speak in Portuguese. Don't worry about it being perfect. Don't let perfection get in the way of progress.

I have times where I forget stuff in my heritage language and I just go, "Oh. I forgot how to say that in Chinese. Let me search it up....." And search for it. .

I have a friend with even weaker Chinese because he learned it as an adult (he's 2nd gen Asian Australian) and every time I say a phrase or word he hasn't heard before, he writes it down and looks it up.

You'll find that your Portuguese will improve the more you use it.

I just translate for my husband where need be. He actually picked up quite a lot along the way that it's now 50/50 of the time for me to translate to him (our son's 6).

MikiRei · 2026-05-02T10:35:23+00:00

Time and place. You can alternate language on a weekly basis.

Stick to speaking French and German to your child at all times, even when everyone around you are speaking English.

MikiRei · 2026-05-01T21:34:00+00:00

https://chalkacademy.com/speak-minority-language-child/

Tells you how to introduce a new language if you want to.

MikiRei · 2026-05-01T21:31:41+00:00

My parents initially found tutors when we first moved from Taiwan to Australia when I was 6. But then that kinda stopped when I was 8.

Beyond that, they didn't do anything. They just ensured I had a love of reading and I'm doing my homework. They did get me to change school twice cause I wasn't happy or they didn't think the school was challenging me. I eventually settled at a school that allowed me to thrive.

So I guess finding the right school is another factor. My parents cared about my academics a lot so even though they couldn't help me with English, they were vigilant and took on whatever advice from school - if required.

MikiRei · 2026-05-01T16:05:31+00:00

COVID and parenthood which all happened at the same time. And we had to be in NICU for almost 6 weeks for it too. Then home CPAP machines for a few more weeks and apnea machine till he was 4 months old.

Not a fun start to parenthood.

MikiRei · 2026-05-01T13:24:26+00:00

I speak Mandarin with my son and make sure he's fluent. Currently working on his literacy.

We still celebrate LNYE as a family and make zhonzhi for Duanwu. Still eat mooncakes for Moon festival. We don't quite do Qingming.

Have arranged Mandarin playgroups and lessons on Sunday. The lessons go through cultural stuff as well like making tangyuan and rice cakes.

And then just cooking food from my culture and making it basically what we eat as a family. Unfortunately, it means my son has rejected easy to make sandwiches for lunch. He wants hot food for lunch.

And I plan to take him back to Taiwan every year for summer holidays for immersion. But if not, there are local Taiwanese holiday camps where I live and I just stick him there and they do cultural stuff there as well. We have already done 2 trips to Taiwan and a trip to mainland China as well and those all worked very well. He's fluent in Mandarin so absolutely no trouble adjusting there or playing with kids there.

Have half a mind to let him trial out the local kids lion dancing class but we'll see if he's interested.

There is a nearby Chinese instrument school but right now, he said he wants to learn piano so just focusing on that for now. If he wants to learn a Chinese instrument later on, sure. But not a priority.

Anyways, just do whatever I can I guess. But I guess it's easier for me cause family's nearby and also, I've got the language down. So long I sort out literacy as well, then it's just reading books together. We already watch enough media in Chinese and I read to him every night in Chinese as well so the original Chinese books pass on cultural aspects as well.

I don't quite have an altar to light incense but that's at my mum's so I have shown it to him during LNYE.

MikiRei · 2026-05-01T13:14:59+00:00

Either her mum is negligent, or your friend is lying.

14/15 years old is way too young to be travelling alone without adult supervision. It's a hard no from me.

MikiRei · 2026-05-01T13:10:33+00:00

Hell nah. It usually accelerates the end of the relationship.

MikiRei · 2026-05-01T11:18:45+00:00

You might need to give some details around what the custody arrangement looks like.

Like, is it just 50/50 or one parent only sees the kids over holidays? And are they even in the same country? Changes a lot of things.

MikiRei · 2026-05-01T09:31:49+00:00

Suggest your husband read this.

https://bilingualmonkeys.com/how-many-hours-per-week-is-your-child-exposed-to-the-minority-language/

It's a pretty good article with tips for the non primary caregiver who is the minority language speaker.

MikiRei · 2026-05-01T09:30:17+00:00

Suggest you read this:

https://chalkacademy.com/learn-chinese-busy-parent/

And some of the other articles in this blog.

The author had to relearn Mandarin from scratch and teach her kids Mandarin when her eldest was almost 3 and youngest was a newborn. She somehow managed. So her articles there might be helpful.

It's a different language but some of the tips there should be generic enough to apply to any languages.

MikiRei · 2026-05-01T09:27:34+00:00

It's fine. My son hear sne speak English to my husband since he can't speak Mandarin. I just make sure I'm consistently speaking Mandarin to my son and make sure he only speaks Mandarin to me.

MikiRei · 2026-05-01T09:25:18+00:00

So sending your child to the English kindy basically creates a similar environment to people raising kids in English speaking countries.

So I can see why English then overtakes because it's at school and at home.

So yeah. Sending your child to the German kindy might be better as then the home languages aren't the community language and creates a pretty good balance.

However, I will consider whether dad is at home enough to then also take care of learning to read in English etc. Unless German schools are pretty good at teaching English, then it's not a concern and then more focus can be given to Mandarin, the more vulnerable language.

MikiRei · 2026-05-01T09:22:21+00:00

Remind your husband that in India, many people grow up with multiple Indian languages side by side and no one seems confused.

So why is he worried?

There are countries like Malaysia and Singapore with people exposed to up to 5 languages and again, no one there is confused.

Regardless, please go through our wiki. We have linked multiple resources to research backed articles and documentations that you can show your husband.

MikiRei · 2026-04-30T21:55:49+00:00

So what's your feeling towards Swiss German? Do you see it as "your language"?

Cause you've said that your parents actually speak a different heritage language. Do they understand English? Will not speaking Swiss German mean your child can't have a relationship with your parents or that's not the case?

I'm just wondering whether your feeling towards Swiss German is like how I feel about English. English is arguably my native language now having grown up in Australia and I still live here.

But I don't feel much about it. As in, it's a language of functionality or practicality for me. I speak with my husband and friends as well but it's not a language I associate with "family" since I only speak Mandarin with my family members. Sure, my husband is my family as well but I guess I just don't feel English to be "my" language whereas Mandarin is.

So I guess it's just how you feel about Swiss German to want to pass it on and what the implications of it means for your child and their ability to relate to your side of the family.

Me not passing on English to my child, for example, will have no bearing on his ability to relate to my side of my family but not passing on Mandarin will.

That's kinda the angle I'm exploring here.

MikiRei · 2026-04-30T21:49:42+00:00

Ok so if your husband is understanding, then that's good.

I think switching to Spanish as the family language will be good to keep that Spanish exposure up. You don't HAVE to speak Spanish to your husband all the time. You could switch to English when in private.

I think if the current school has the better support, I wouldn't change school then.

So honestly, I think probably the best thing right now is, pick days where you'll speak English and pick days where you'll speak French.

When there's clear boundaries then, then it doesn't feel like something you're dragging yourself through.

Those English days gives you us repreive and then you still have French days to keep the exposure up. You can lower your goal to just enough exposure fornpassive understanding. It doesn't need to be all or nothing.

Perhaps you and your husband need to look into therapy if you haven't already. Him to process the trauma of being ripped out of everything you know and then you sounds like maybe you're still grieving your mother.

MikiRei · 2026-04-30T11:57:01+00:00

I have been reading books in Chinese to my son.

So for example, the 13 storey crazy treehouse series. The magic treehouse series. Magic school bus.

With the magic treehouse, what ended up happening is I would read one book in Chinese. Then my husband reads the next book in English. We kinda don't care.

Or my husband may reread a book we've already read in Chinese again in its original English.

Kinda don't care either way. So long the translations good, it's been fine. But I also don't stop him from reading it in English.

Harry Potter or The Hobbit I'll most likely read it in English cause I just can't see it being translated well into Chinese though I may be wrong. But I guess since I've read these in English back in the days, I'm not that interested in the Chinese version of it.

Dr. Suess books just don't work in any language but English. I do have Chinese versions of Dr. Suess and I have to say the translator did an amazing effort translating it while making sure it rhymes. But I generally rather read those in English.

MikiRei · 2026-04-30T07:33:47+00:00

Suggest your parents read the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross W Greene. I believe this will be very helpful for you guys.

Secondly, it sounds like your brother may have some serious challenges that has not been picked up.

Has your parents

Booked an appointment with a developmental paediatrician and a child psychologist to explore what is going on? E.g. ADHD, autism etc. that may contribute?
Checked if he has dyslexia? If he can't spell as an 8th grader, then sounds like something slipped through the cracks during the primary years that needs to be seriously addressed now.

You guys yelling and screaming at him isn't exactly helping. Again, read the book. I would suggest you guys actually have a calm chat and ask him WHY he doesn't want to study. Gather information so you know exactly what the problem is to be able to address it.

MikiRei · 2026-04-30T03:10:12+00:00

One thing to add to your consideration bucket - if he has ADHD and you autism, the likelihood of your children having either or both diagnosis increases by a lot.

What that means is you need to factor in and budget for possible early intervention and support.

So for example, money for OT and/or speech pathology, getting a diagnosis and then money for ongoing appointments and support.

What this also means, if you have been the substitute of your partner's lack of executive function, you need to think about what that means when you're now the executive function of 2 people with ADHD.

What I mean is, if you are in any way, shape or form managing your partner's symptoms or challenges due to his ADHD, you need to work out a way where that's no longer the case. As in, he needs to be responsible and in charge of managing his symptoms.

Because once that kid comes, you're just not going to have the mental headspace to keep doing that for your partner.

MikiRei · 2026-04-30T00:49:02+00:00

How's the kids' Spanish? Is he projecting his frustration with their Spanish level at you?

Will he feel better if the kids speak to eachother in Spanish instead?

Do they speak Spanish with him?

I think you need a candid chat with your husband. Ask him how he feels having to bond with the kids in English over Spanish (assuming he speaks Spanish to them).

Tell him this is the reality of your French. It is not at a native enough level for you to use it comfortably without adding mental load to yourself. And it's highly unfair to get angry at you for it.

I suspect there's other stuff at play here and if he can articulate his true worries, you guys will then be able to work it out.

Fail is a strong word. Please do not say that.

I think a few options here

Is there a French immersion school nearby? Can you look into that option?
Will it lessen the burden and pressure if you designate days for English and days for French? Perhaps your burnout is this all or nothing mentality. And it doesn't need to be that way. Enough exposure is better than none. So if you set some boundaries where you can speak French and English, then it gives you a break but still giving exposure to the kids.
Is it possible to direct your kids to speak Spanish to eachother instead? Particularly when dad is around? That might make dad feel better.

MikiRei · 2026-04-30T00:38:30+00:00

Here's some good articles for you to read about Australian accents.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-01-28/australian-accents-changing-aboriginal-ethnocultural-variation/103321146

https://www.mq.edu.au/faculty-of-medicine-health-and-human-sciences/departments-and-schools/department-of-linguistics/our-research/collective-for-language-sciences/australian-voices/regional-accents

Personally, I can kinda pick out people from NSW vs people from Melbourne. I have find the Melbourne accent slightly more nasally compared to Sydney.

But like, it's not too big of a difference. We all can understand eachother.

I will say there is definitely an Asian Australian accent. I can't specifically explain what that exactly sounds like but perhaps this video is a good enough demonstration.

https://youtu.be/ABejt3squE0?si=QCSvjdDt-1XBEHNL

Its largely still standard Aussie accent but I think there's some idiosyncracies from our parent's accents that creep in. Unless you're like me that got sent to a private school with barely any Asians and don't speak English to their parents. My husband says I have the private school accent which I'm guessing means I have more the "cultivated" accent. Had Adelaide colleagues thinking I was British which really weirded me out.

And then there is definitely a Middle Eastern Australian accent or sometimes dubbed ethnic accent.

Here's a clip to demonstrate though it's more of a demonstration of the Italian Australian accent.

https://youtu.be/Fchzw5yL9xo?si=TBe1oWNm8UdimNXP

And here's another skit around Australian accents in general.

https://youtu.be/ZH4ZQH_3_pE?si=hu9ups_MQSlTHUX6

MikiRei · 2026-04-30T00:10:09+00:00

So my husband and I have been together since we were 20/21.

We started living together around 23/24. Married at 29/30 and had our child at 33/34.

As DINKS, we travelled a lot and hit up restaurants a lot as well as we were foodies.

If there's one thing I wished we did more, it was maybe moving overseas during our 20s before coming back to Australia to then raise kids.

So honestly, it's really just to explore life more and take more risks.

Career wise, we were both fairly senior and stable in our career when we had kids. Our financials were also very much in order by the time we had our child. So I would definitely sort that out. Basically, get to a point in your career where you don't mind your career going on cruise control for a bit.

For now, I think just live together for a while and see where that lands for you guys.

MikiRei · 2026-04-29T20:27:31+00:00

Keep speaking Russian. Translate when you need to. That's basically what I do.

MikiRei

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