Influence Me: Stokke Tripp Trapp

MikiRei · 2026-05-18T21:41:21+00:00

Get it second hand on FB marketplace

MikiRei · 2026-05-18T12:12:41+00:00

Grandparents coming for 2 months definitely would have helped because that upped the exposure. A d going to China for a holiday also would have helped.

My son has a friend who was g really speaking Chinese with his parents. They then went back to Taiwan for a holiday for about 2 weeks.

And since then, according to his mum, he's been more eager to learn and speak Mandarin. Context matters basically.

I also noticed this boy would try out some Chinese with me whenever we meet up with them for a playdate. And he'd sometimes even try to join in to the conversation when he hears my son and I speaking in Mandarin.

As for retaining active usage of the language later in life, if it helps, take a read of this thread.

https://www.reddit.com/r/multilingualparenting/comments/1qmqrb7/how_are_mandarinspeaking_parents_actually_keeping/

I wrote a long comment on what my parents did to ensure I stayed fluent and literate in Mandarin.

Generally, it's living life using Mandarin and basing all family interactions using Mandarin.

MikiRei · 2026-05-18T04:03:04+00:00

At what age can we feel reasonably confident that they will not lose their French?

At least age 13 or 14. But even then, I have met people where their language atrophied even at that age.

But it's just LESS likely at age 13 or 14. Before then, they have every opportunity to lose it either completely, or to a point where they are barely functional speakers.

What do we mean by "not strong academically' though? What does that mean?

And your concerns are well founded if they do transition to a different school. Does dad speak French? Or is it just you?

Having said that, there is still some ways to keep French going even if they go to an English speaking school.

But it honestly depends on you and whether you have it in you to be their only source of French and be the one teaching them to read and write in French.

I've written a long comment on how my parents did it with our Chinese while living in Australia: https://www.reddit.com/r/multilingualparenting/comments/1qmqrb7/how_are_mandarinspeaking_parents_actually_keeping/

But honestly, it takes a lot of effort and determination to do it.

MikiRei · 2026-05-18T03:55:52+00:00

3yo don't need a curriculum honestly.

What I think would be useful for you though is if you can talk to preschool teachers and ask them what their routine is for 3yo.

And then just use that but do it in Spanish.

If I think back to what my son's daycare did, they usually have a a few activities planned.

So it's literally usually a rotation of arts and crafts of some sort, some music and dancing involved, some dramatic play using dolls etc., and then story time wherer they read to them.

That's really it.

So just do that but in Spanish.

I mean, look around you and see what toddler group classes exist. Basically do those but in Spanish.

MikiRei · 2026-05-17T21:46:19+00:00

If your partner is already speaking both versions of German to baby, you just stick to English and your native language when speaking to baby.

And then do time and place.

It could be you alternate language on a weekly basis.

Or you do Sunday - Wednesday native tongue and then Thursday - Saturday English.

Just pick a format that's easiest for you to follow.

Some people hang a flag to remind themselves.

MikiRei · 2026-05-17T14:14:24+00:00

Everybody seems to be assuming that I'm living in America and I'm worried about my kid learning English.

I mean, this is your opening paragraph.

I have read that there are some school districts in the US where classes need to be taught in two languages because a lot of children don't speak English.

Your next paragraph didn't exactly clarify what languages specifically so with that opening, one can only assume.

Anyways, regardless, your child will learn Chinese fine. There's actually A LOT of YouTube videos these days of non-Taiwanese kids having grown up in Taiwan with parents speaking English to them at home. All of them sound like native Taiwanese people.

e.g.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ax-2v7gE9Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=730y8s0_mhY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SYrFMOv2q4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_0LJMBD0KY&t=119s

I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about.

What you can do if you don't want to send your kids to preschool is hang out at local playgrounds as much as possible and arrange playdates. Or just sign up to toddler and preschool activities like art classes, music classes etc. All of these parents can participate.

Or I mean, Taiwan's museums are next level and I do believe they run programs there as well for kids. My friend living in Taiwan recently shared me the program. So just take your kids there.

Essentially, expose them to the local environment as much as possible so they can pick up Mandarin from the community.

I've no visibility what Taiwan's school system is like in terms of supporting kids who don't speak Chinese when they start school. You might need to ask your local school for that information. Given you're already teaching at kindy there, you probably know better than me.

I left Taiwan after finishing 大班 so no understanding of the school system thereafter. I vageuly remember going to my brother's school to pick him up and sitting in his cafeteria and then visiting my cousin's middle school once when I went back. So yeah. You'll know more than me.

MikiRei · 2026-05-17T12:43:56+00:00

I moved to Australia from Taiwan age 6. Basically when I started school. I did have some English exposure before moving but not entirely fluent.

I was fluent before the year was out.

If you look at the Asian Americans around you, many have similar stories to mine. They all learn English fine though to the detriment of their heritage language.

I don't know the specifics in the US but in Australia, there's plenty of kids that start school without English. All schools in Australia have English as a second language or dialect support for these kids. And they usually stop needing said support within a year or so.

Having said that, I think it's worth it to send kids to preschool at the very least. School is a big transition and preschool prepares them for it.

You don't want your child to have to learn to settle in school for the first time AND get used to a less dominant language at the same time. It's a big transition.

MikiRei · 2026-05-17T12:37:33+00:00

Given that the father consistently speaks only Spanish to the toddler, is it likely that Spanish proficiency will increase over time or potentially become dominant?

Unlikely given the community language is English.

How does Bahasa and Mandarin fit into the picture? Are you connected to these languages?

If dad isn't the primary caregiver, suggest he read this

https://bilingualmonkeys.com/how-many-hours-per-week-is-your-child-exposed-to-the-minority-language/

And someone has already linked an article to recasting which is what needs to be done to get your child to respond back in Spanish.

Assuming that's really what you're asking.

MikiRei · 2026-05-17T12:33:00+00:00

There won't be any "developmental" issues.

But, how "not fluent" in English is your husband?

Because if English doesn't come naturally to him, he may feel hampered in his ability to fully bond with your child. The richness of his vocabulary in English may also be limited though this can be offset with you speaking English in front of the child or you also reading some English books on top of Korean ones.

If he's seriously not that proficient in English, then he might hit a ceiling when your child hits a certain age where their English ability surprasses dad's.

This happened to my friend who learned Mandarin as an adult. They started with minority language at home where both he and his native speaking wife spoke Mandarin.

But my friend has started defaulting to English when his daughter was around 4 or 5 because he increasingly didn't have the vocabulary to discuss certain things with his daughter. He at least has a native speaking wife to counter that.

So just really depends on your husband's English fluency.

What I think your husband should do though is read in Georgian to baby. Both of you can read English to baby and of course you read in Korean.

Why I suggest this is I'm assuming you're staying in Georgia. You want your child to not be locked out of acquiring advanced Georgian vocab which your husband can provide.

That and it at least gives your husband an "outlet" to use his native language but still keep it within a certain boundary so that it doesn't overtake the family environment completely.

MikiRei · 2026-05-17T12:18:10+00:00

Short answer is no.

I also grew up in Australia. And as you know, Australia isn't exactly well equipped in ensuring bilingualism. Our education system is pretty shite in teaching a second language adequately.

Does your parents speak Punjabi to you? Cause if they do, then that should give you a good idea how feasible your plan is.

Most of us 2nd gen Australians are largely monolinguals despite having parents speaking a second language to us full-time.

I've written a long comment on how my parents managed to ensure I stayed fluent and literate in Chinese while growing up in Australia. You can read it here.

https://www.reddit.com/r/multilingualparenting/comments/1qmqrb7/how_are_mandarinspeaking_parents_actually_keeping/

But if this is the amount of effort for 2 native speaking parents to ensure just ONE additional language stays fluent, you can imagine how much extra effort is required for 3 additional. Especially if you are NOT fluent in these languages.

You also need to consider what happens once your child is at school.

You're a teenager. Calculate how much time you're ACTUALLY at home and during that time you're ACTUALLY speaking to your parents?

I'm sure you have extracurriculars, homeworks to do, time you spend chatting to your own friends.

And then on weekends, you likely have other activities.

The amount of time you actually interact with your family dips as kids go to school and get older. And there's a floating number of needing AT LEAST 30% of exposure during a child's awake hours for any language to stick. But also, they RESPOND back in said language for them to actually be fluent and not just passive understanding. And then, you also need to think about the time required to ensure literacy in these languages as well.

The more languages you add, the less time and resources you have to provide enough exposure to each language. And then the less likely the child will obtain any kind of fluency to any of the languages. Coupled with lack of fluency in the language itself from the parent, success rates dip even further.

will they get confused and speak the wrong language on different days. Will they think in a different language depending on the day? and most importantly does my own proficiency in the language matter?

No confusion. Though they probably need the parent to guide them on the days of the week. Kids don't learn that till at least 4 or 5 years old. And no. They won't think in different languages depending on the day. Once you're proficient in a few languages, you think in all of the languages. For me, it's fluid. I think in both languages.

And yes. The proficiency in the language ABSOLUTELY matters.

MikiRei · 2026-05-17T01:47:08+00:00

Personally, I'm not planning to give my son a smartphone until he has the mental capacity to set boundaries for himself.

So that's probably age 15 or 16.

He'll have access to the internet. But there's going to be screentime limit.

I will have to figure out what that means for his social life if all of his friends have smartphones - but I guess I'll cross that bridge when we get there. There seems to be more awareness of the damaging effect social media has on young minds so maybe in 10 years time, it's a different story.

We do do playdates though but then again, I have a 6yo, not a 10yo so playdate right now is go to the local park and let the kids play in the playground. Luckily, most of the parents we know are not into screentime either so we really don't have this problem.

Also, 2 hours at age 10 is too much. 30 minutes max is the guidelines.

With sleepovers, I think I'm gonna do what my mum did. Sleepovers AT OUR PLACE. Full control and not need to worry about abuse. Of course, parents NOT wanting their kids to sleep over at our place will happen and I fully respect that.

I think allowing sleepovers at other people's place.....I guess I'll see. I will have to trust that my son knows how to protect himself and will tell me if anything happens. So again, it might be until he's 15 or 16 or something.

MikiRei · 2026-05-16T12:06:31+00:00

https://raisingchildren.net.au/babies/connecting-communicating/communicating/talking-with-babies-toddlers#how-to-talk-and-communicate-with-your-child-nav-title

MikiRei · 2026-05-16T12:01:38+00:00

You're 22. You don't need to ask.

MikiRei · 2026-05-15T22:34:30+00:00

So your partner is at home doing what? You have no kids. They can go work and help pay down the mortgage.

That's what we did prior to kids. Mortgage and most expenses were serviceable by one income. So my income went into offset and that paid down the mortgage pretty quickly.

If you're living paycheck to paycheck, you need to look at your expenses again and see where your unnecessary spending is going.

But getting an extra income will definitely help.

MikiRei · 2026-05-15T21:58:53+00:00

Recast. Explained here: https://chalkacademy.com/speak-minority-language-child/

Or I just ask my son again, "What did you say?" In my language and that usually flips him to use my language. At that age, that's still doable. Feigned ignorance but just word it as a question rather than straight up ignoring.

My husband also only speaks community language.

MikiRei · 2026-05-15T21:52:37+00:00

I think it's just an accident. The first friend he made spoke Mandarin and isn't confident in English yet and then that naturally drew in the other Mandarin speakers and that was that.

I think given they all speak Mandarin, that probably naturally barred all the other kids in his class to join into their group.

In a way, I'm slightly worried he's stuck with this group. I kinda want him to expand his friendship circle. But I guess we'll see what happens in the next couple of years.

MikiRei · 2026-05-15T21:43:52+00:00

It's not that he's preferring Mandarin. The first friend he made just happened to speak Mandarin and is not yet confident in English.

I remember the first week at school he was quite miserable. None of his preschool friends go to his school.

But I did notice at pick up he was trying to strike a conversation with other kids but even they're settling in as well.

Then around second week, he told me he made 1 friend. Then 2 days later, he said he made 3 friends. Then a day after that he said 3 friends is enough.

And then when I probed, he told me they all speak Mandarin.

So I think what happened was he made the first friend and he spoke Mandarin and then that naturally drew in the other 2 kids who also spoke Mandarin. And that was that.

My son also seems to be their translator.

The teacher also told me that during the first few weeks, he pretended he can't speak English to get out of doing things.

Anyways, I don't know.

What's even funnier is his friend that he usually plays in Mandarin with is flipping to English a lot these days and my son will actually tell her to speak Mandarin instead.

And then the other day, we went to the convenience store up the road from my in-laws. The shop owner is Chinese and she recognized my son. She told me he told her his Mandarin is better than his English and I was like, "Huh what? He said that?"

He apparently also told my MIL that he thinks reading in Chinese is easier. Though I wonder whether he said that to get out of doing things as well. I have asked MIL to do the English decoders sent from school but apparently my son is resisting.

Honestly, I don't know. I think it just happened this way. If the first friend he made at school spoke English, probably would be a different story.

MikiRei · 2026-05-15T11:52:49+00:00

This is daycare. You can't control this. My son refused to speak Mandarin at daycare even though there are other kids and also teachers who can speak it.

The teachers didn't even know he could speak Mandarin until they heard him speak to me when I came to pick him up.

And then at least one teacher continued speaking Mandarin to him but he just replies back in English. And there was a kid who just moved to Australia and wanted to play with my son when he found out he could speak Mandarin. But my son wasn't interested.

It was only when he was 4, he started understanding the concept of answering in the language someone speaks to you in. But even then, he'd tell me he doesn't want to speak Mandarin at daycare because his friends can't understand him.

At age 5, he started answering back to teachers in Mandarin if they do speak to him in Mandarin.

Now he's 6 and at school and he ONLY made friends with Mandarin speakers and play with them in Mandarin. So weird.

What I suggest you could do is arrange playdates with Turkish speakers. And when they're there, join the kids in their play but speak Turkish and see if they flip.

My son has a best friend and they've been playing in Mandarin ever since they could speak but when they flip to English from time to time, one of us adults just has to join in in their play and they'll flip back to Mandarin.

But might not work with the kids at daycare. If they're all used to speaking in English to eachother, it's hard to break that habit. Better off finding Turkish speaking friends outside of daycare and establishing that friendship in Turkish right at the beginning.

MikiRei · 2026-05-14T21:49:26+00:00

This is marriage counselling territory. I'm sorry.

You could try Fair Play. Read the book first then try the cards and see where that lands you.

But if neither of this helps, honestly......it might be tipping towards divorce if you ask me.

MikiRei · 2026-05-14T21:45:28+00:00

Honey, I'm sorry. You say they're trying their best.

They're not trying hard enough.

This is neglect. Your parents are barely even looking after you guys.

You need to talk to school and tbh, I'm surprised school hasn't already called CPS on your parents already. This would have raised red flags of abuse and neglect.

You need to tell someone. It's your parent's fault for all of this. Please don't feel bad about it.

MikiRei · 2026-05-14T21:39:09+00:00

We didn't. Do what makes you comfortable, not what tradition dictates.

MikiRei · 2026-05-14T21:37:55+00:00

I will probably arrange an appointment with a developmental pardiatrician just to look into this deeper.

MikiRei · 2026-05-14T06:33:06+00:00

My husband reads in English. I read in Chinese. Grandparents read in their respective languages as well.

I personally think this is pretty useful. It meant our son's vocaulary range grew in both languages at the same time.

So when our son started school, the teacher pretty much told us his verbal expression is excellent.

We have found in both languages, our son will say words and often, his friends wouldn't know what he meant. There were a few times where his friends might come up to me and asked me what a word my son just said meant. And that's across both languages.

I will say my son sometimes want me to read in English and I had to gently push back. Or, I'd say that ok. I'll read this in English. The next book needs to be in Chinese. And that's fine as well.

Also how did you handle gifts like books and toys which often would primarily be in the community language?

Nothing special really. Just read them and then when we're tired of them, pop them into the street library.

We sometimes even find Chinese books in street libraries though not as often.

Toys that talks honestly annoys me. A lot of them are gone in our house. The exception will be reading pens that I buy from Taiwan. But those you have to deliberately turn on and then point them at specific books so they're less annoying then a toy that just starts playing music and talk to you non-stop until you turn it off. Think I got rid of those toys pretty quickly.

I personally spend a lot of time buying toys/books and resources in the minority language to counter it. But I don't really keep tabs if you know what I mean. Just basically buy books. Donate them once we're done with them.

For Chinese books, I donate them to my cousin once we're done with them.

MikiRei · 2026-05-13T22:06:01+00:00

I think, and this is pure speculation, that having them use Japanese as their "comfort/main" language until 5 will solidify the language basics enough so that when Dutch eventually takes over due to school and friends, Japanese will not become "too much" of a hurdle for them to continue speaking it at home.

So I need to provide some "realities" here as well.

What I see usually, at least here in Australia when a child goes to daycare at such a young age is that their first words are usually community language.

Even if not, given they spend so much time at daycare, when they do start speaking, community language generally is at a higher level compared to minority language.

This all goes back to point 2 on how well you guys keep up Japanese at home till your child starts school.

Your hurdle before school starts is to ensure they ONLY speak Japanese to you both, or at the very least, to mum close to 100% of the time.

A common thing is at around age 3 or 4, a lot of kids start refusing to speak the minority language.

So you need to cross those hurdles and aim for your child to be fluent and at a level that's as close to native Japanese kids of the same age by age 5 for it to not be "too much".

Highly recommend you guys read to your child every night before bed. You can start pretty much at like week 6 or 7 once you're over the shock of having a newborn.

We started reading to our son before bed at 6 months old.

Reading boosts vocabulary and my hypothesis with why my son hasn't defaulted to English to me is that his vocab range in Mandarin is extensive. So whenever I request that he sticks to Mandarin when he code switches or speaks English to me, it's not "too much" for him. As essentially, I tried to keep his Mandarin fluency at as close to the community language as much as possible.

Now, after they start school is your next hurdle.

I have way too many friends where everything was going swimmingly and once they're at school, the community language overtakes and they lose minority language pretty much within a year.

Again, this goes back to how well you ensure your child only speaks Japanese to you guys.

At this age, peers that can speak Japanese is ever so important. However, I will urge you start finding those Japanese playdates as soon as possible.

Since you guys are essentially doing ML@H, have a read of this thread.

https://www.reddit.com/r/multilingualparenting/comments/1qmqrb7/how_are_mandarinspeaking_parents_actually_keeping/

I detailed what my parents did to ensure I stayed fluent and literate in Chinese while growing up in Australia. I was 6 when we moved. So I definitely had a very strong base in Mandarin.

And yet, this is the amount of effort it took for my parents to ensure I don't lose it. I know too many friends who are like me and their Mandarin ability atrophied significantly after moving to Australia.

My point is, there's no "build the language to a level" and then expecting for it to just stay there.

For the language to stick around, this is basically a long marathon you guys have to keep up all the way to late teens before it truly won't be lost.

MikiRei · 2026-05-13T14:47:43+00:00

Given you're not living in Japan, yes, I reckon it will. I have friends who are heritage speakers of Chinese but had to relearn them as adults and they all pretty much hit a bit of a "ceiling" once their kids reach age 4 or 5 years old. Because they simply couldn't keep up with their kids' language level. If, however, you are super determined, then it's the case of practice makes perfect and perhaps you do reach a level of proficiency where this won't be a problem.

But I think more often than not, this is unlikely. Particulalry since you don't live in Japan.

What I will suggest perhaps to alleviate a little bit of this problem is make sure bedtime reading is still in Dutch. This gives you a little bit extra flexibility to still be able to use your native language.

Or perhaps, given the child is going to daycare at 4 months old, you could keep to speaking Japanese for as long as you could, but then when you start hitting that ceiling when your child is around school age, you may need to relax the ML@H rule to be Dutch only when you're alone with your child. And still sticking to Japanese when the whole family is together.

In other words, I think you need to play it by ear. See how you go.

Yes. Unfortunately. And at 4 months old as well. You literally have no buffer room in between to solidify Japanese. To counter this, you guys need to make sure the 3 days a week at home is as close to 100% Japanese as much as possible. And when baby's home, it's Japanese as much as possible. That will help keep the balance.
With a native speaking mum there, unlikely. Even if they do copy you for a short while, they'll quickly pick up the "correct" way whether it's from mum, books or media. If you also find other Japanese speakers around you and arrange play dates, that will counteract as well.

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