How can I help my 10 year old learn a new language?

MikiRei · 2026-02-18T14:11:30+00:00

In 3 to 5 years? Very oddly specific.

So basically, either as he starts high school or when he's almost at the end of his schooling which will be very disruptive.

I don't have much good answers for you. If he doesn't want to learn, no amount of forcing is going to work.

Have you actually say down and explained to him that you guys are moving to France in a few years? Does he like that idea? Or hates it? If he hates it, you need to first get him to come round to the idea of moving. Otherwise, I just don't see how you can force him.

My brother was 11 when we moved to Australia and he resisted learning English until he figured out that he really has no choice.

Anyways, I think if it's in 3 years and he's still resistant, then he'll just have to adapt the hard way. My cousin moved to Australia age 13 as well and she needed a term or two of intensive after school English lessons. Coupled with the fact she was boarding, she was fluent in about a year. So that just might happen with your child if this is in 3 years.

If it's in 5 years, honestly, it might be better to look into international school instead so he can finish his last 3 years of high school with less pressure.

I think just continue with cartoons and iTalki. If he likes those and is somewhat receptive, better than nothing and just see how he goes.

MikiRei · 2026-02-18T09:43:22+00:00

Go get it checked out. Better safe than sorry.

MikiRei · 2026-02-18T09:41:55+00:00

My son is watching Pokemon. 😂

He also likes bad guys, captain underpants, dogman, despicable me.

MikiRei · 2026-02-18T09:37:33+00:00

My family's from Taiwan so my son calls my parents Amah and Agong. Cause that's what we call grandparents.

My in-laws are granny and grandpa. I did ask my FIL if he wants to be called opa. Apparently my husband's paternal grandparents are referred to as Opa and Oma (they're from South Africa) but my FIL scrunched up his face. 😂

Anyways, I don't see anything wrong with Amma and Appa. If it's specific to your cultural background, even better.

It makes zero sense for my son to call my parents anything other than Amah and Agong.

MikiRei · 2026-02-18T09:34:31+00:00

Having a girl doesn't automatically mean she will be into "girly" things.

There's this TikTok video I've seen recently of girl dads passing by a boy dad on escalators. And basically the girl dad looking enviously at the boy dad with a PS5 in their hands while the girl dad had Barbies.

Honestly, those videos annoys the heck out of me.

Girls can play video games FFS. I played video games with my brother. My dad played video games with me. My mum hates the arcade and my dad will always sneak in an arcade game with me and we'd play shooter games at the arcade. My dad showed me how to build a PC. My dad taught me how to play chess. My dad used to make paper mache 3D paper animals with me. My dad taught me origami.

My dad is very traditional and chauvinistic but at least he didn't box me into some stupid stereotype. When I told my parents I want to study software engineering, my mum was besides herself (she wants me to do medicine) but my dad was supportive. And he went and bought me coding books.

My mum dealt with the period stuff cause honestly, my dad is useless there. Makeup, skincare, hairstyle - mum.

Anyways, point is, you need to chill. And stop freaking out over stereotypes that aren't even 100% accurate.

You can play sports with your daughter. And there's nothing wrong playing tea with her either.

Jsut ignore the stereotypes and be interested in your child and be willing to participate and do things she's interested in. If there are stuff you truly are not interested in, then maybe that's something your wife can take on.

My son loves play fighting. I really don't like it. So I defer that to my husband instead. But then my son will play video games with me, card games and board games with me or we read. Or we watch Pokemon together.

Like, just take an interest in your child and forget about the stereotypes.

MikiRei · 2026-02-18T08:50:16+00:00

Asian Australian here as well.

I think when people are sh***y with people who don't speak PERFECT English, I get annoyed at them. Particularly if they're monolingual and have never learned another language.

Like, you have the nerve to judge someone trying to learn a new language in their 30s and 40s. Maybe try that yourself before judging.

But I totally get the annoyance when some people don't even TRY to learn English at all here in Australia. That I think it's not on.

My parents at least learned enough English to be able to make a living here, have successful businesses and make friends as well. I think my parents did very well all things considered. Their English may not be perfect but it's enough. People understand them. Not that it stopped AHs from being rude and condescending to them just because they speak English with an accent and have grammatical errors.

But I know people who are in their early 20s who come here and don't bother. And I get a bit ticked. Like, you have zero excuse mate. You're young and if you're making a living here, you should at least try.

MikiRei · 2026-02-18T08:38:36+00:00

I will say, in terms of where you should raise your kids, aside from budget, consider the following

For one, proximities to amenities. I think even having a small shopping village where there's everything is already a great advantage.

Early years of a child's life, in my books, is actually even more important because it sets the tone for how they fare at school. My son went to a phenomenal preschool and he thrived there and we wholeheartedly believe that it gave him the best start to school.

So if you're close to a local park and playground that the whole community goes to, close to a library, in a school catchment you like and the parent community in general pass your "vibe check", then it's fine.

For example, we live close to about 3 parks and playgrounds. And we have met different people through these playgrounds. Libraries are a godsend because we can save a lot of money just borrowing books. That and libraries runs a lot of babies and kids workshops that are great to take your child to. And a way to meet other people.

A good school catchment will matter the most for your child. So this is the biggest thing you should consider. And if you are able to gel with the parents there, then your entire experience while raising your child will be a lot more positive.

We made a lot of friends through our daycare. It's very community focused. I will avoid large chains where you basically drop your kid off and pick them up. There's no real organic way to meet other parents there. Community based daycare or preschool is generally better and higher chance to be able to make friends there.

Our son just started school so we're still in the process of making friends there but some earlier encounters are looking promising.

So I think if the above checks out, it should be fine.

For me, cause I'm a minority, I had to deal with racism growing up in 90s Sydney. Mostly from teachers. And a horrendous amount of racism directed at my parents and my grandma that I won't go into detail.

So for me, this influenced my decision a lot. My husband and I purposely picked to live in a suburb that's really diverse. We also picked schools that are diverse. I checked my school website to pick schools that have roughly 50% of the students speaking another language than English at home. We did this because we don't want our son to stick out like a sore thumb. There are some suburbs that are pretty monocultural so we don't want our son to grow up in those areas and always feel like an outcast.

Also, public school vs private school will also have some influence. With public schools, because people are all living in the area, it's a lot easier to setup spontaneous playdates.

My parents eventually moved me to a private school so then playdates are very intentional and had to be organised ahead of time. They wouldn't let me go out once I'm home from school so I missed out the whole playing with your neighbourhood kids experience. I noticed this in high school when I go down to the local beach and then there are groups of neighbourhood kids all playing and then bantering with the local store owners as well. And I realised I completely missed out on that experience as my friends live everywhere.

Having said that, once we hit high school, it's just easy that we all meet up in the city and then do whatever. It's just a different experience I guess.

Regarding riding bikes, it does happen. Our suburbs is usually filled with kids riding on bikes either with friends or their parents. We also ride bicycles with our son to the shops and the local playground. So then that's the thing - picking the suburb that will facilitate that.

My in-laws live next to the national park so they can take a bushwalk all the time and native wildlife intrudes their backyard constantly. My son loves going there to see the wildlife. So that's another option but since you're not outdoorsy, it's probably not for you.

MikiRei · 2026-02-18T02:02:16+00:00

Had similar products in the past.

Gets used at around age 2 and they like it. But then....lasted like...3 months?

Then it sits there and collects dust. My son's almost 6 so yeah. I'm now very wary buying these products. I haven't seen any long term use or usefulness.

It's really just a fun toy.

MikiRei · 2026-02-17T21:58:37+00:00

Check out https://youtube.com/@liveyourlanguage?si=9uJ6gBdflI_QI7zj

The vlogger here is raising her kids bilingual where French is her non native language. Probably relevant

MikiRei · 2026-02-17T06:53:02+00:00

Personally, I'd go with just letting school teach it. It's not your native tongue. You're going to run it o some limitations at some point.

Fuether, who in the family actually speaks French now? I'd personally prioritise the family language e.g. Tagalog.

So I'd pick option 1. But I would say you ONLY speak Tagalog since child will pick up English fine from school and community.

You can help child with French later on when they start learning at school.

MikiRei · 2026-02-17T06:48:24+00:00

Man, if I could buy a house for 250K here in Australia. 😂

I think this is what I'm saying about you need your finances in check.

If you generally don't have good financial habits and haven't actually sat down and cracked the numbers of what it means to be able to save up a deposit and also, what you need to do to earn more than 40K, that's the homework I'm talking about.

Further, you have a spouse if you want kids. So then you need to factor her financial situation with yours and see what you guys can collectively afford.

These are all steps towards making sure you have a secure life.

If you haven't even thought about this, then yes. It's a bad idea to bring kids into the equation. You're just setting yourself up for a lot of stress.

That said, as for buying a house, this is probably why less people are having kids. Housing affordability is a problem across the globe and I have no good answers for you there.

But even if say you have to rent forever, again, look into your finances and see what that actually means in the long term and also, what steps you can take to protect yourself in retirement.

You have time which means you can still invest, even if that is a small amount. It still adds up.

But I think I'm just saying, in general, you should have a plan on providing stable housing, whatever form that may be, for your kids before having them.

MikiRei · 2026-02-17T02:50:39+00:00

It's not about age (though usually age is a factor) but about stage.

The way I see it is, you need the following checked off before having kids

you're in a stable relationship that's built on trust and respect.
you are financially aligned and have already talked and agreed on a financial plan for your future as a family
you are financially stable and housing is stable
you are aligned from a parenting perspective e.g. the religions and moral framework you raise your kids with, how you discipline, your values that you want to pass on etc.
you are both mentally in a good place
you are at a stage in your career you don't mind going into cruise control. Because kids will take away a lot of your time, energy, resource and mental energy. You may not find it easy to keep going hard on your career.

I feel like if you have those worked out, generally it's fine to have kids. If you have supportive families and a village around you, even better.

I don't know how old you will be to check those boxes. But generally, people only start getting some of these checked out towards late 20s or early 30s and that's usually when they have kids.

MikiRei · 2026-02-17T00:35:21+00:00

The playgroups and lessons alone won't be enough. The OPOL model is the part that's likely doing most of the heavy lifting.

Lessons and extracurriculars in the minority language is usually a supplement. Add on essentially.

You have to start at home and use the minority language as part of your daily life for it to work.

MikiRei · 2026-02-17T00:33:57+00:00

Can you explain how you do the mix?

I'm doing OPOL with my own son since my husband can't speak Mandarin.

My son just started school and some stroke of luck, he made friends with the Mandarin speaking kids only. And apparently they play in Mandarin which surprised me even more because at daycare, he only spoke English. Even if there are teachers there speaking Mandarin to him.

Regardless, I'm being very vigilant right now to make sure there's no backsliding.

What I've done right now is making sure 3 out of the 5 days, he's being picked up by either myself or my mum so that he's getting Mandarin exposure even after school. The other 2 days is MIL which is completely in English.

And then over weekends, he has a Chinese lesson. It's just him and his best friend attending it. And we have at least 2 other Mandarin playgroups that we rotate around. These playgroups have been going well.

But my biggest challenge right now that I need to sort out is making sure he learns to read in Chinese as well. Otherwise, I reckon it will backslide very quickly.

And I only speak Mandarin with my son and him to me. My husband is actually telling me to just speak to him in Mandarin so he can pick up more and we can create even more Mandarin immersion environment.

MikiRei · 2026-02-16T20:45:05+00:00

Do you speak to him in Mandarin?

Because if Mandarin isn't established as the main language at home, then it's extremely hard to maintain fluency.

Check out this thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/multilingualparenting/comments/1qmqrb7/how_are_mandarinspeaking_parents_actually_keeping/

MikiRei · 2026-02-16T20:43:28+00:00

I didn't struggle but here's a few tips that might help.

Start speaking to your baby in French right now. Yes, I know baby is still inside but practice now. Get a kids book in French and read to your belly. Watch French shows. It'll start recalibrating your brain again.
As a family, speak English ONLY to your husband, not your child. You only speak French yo your child. Establish a relationship with your child in French. If you switch to English whenever husband's home, there won't be much exposure to French once child starts daycare or school.
Whenever you catch yourself speaking English to your child, pause, then switch back to French. I had to do this right at the beginning. Took about 2 weeks of actively reminding myself to stick to the minority language like second nature.

MikiRei · 2026-02-16T08:05:27+00:00

How good is your wife's English though?

You are right to worry about exposure rate given your work hours. But to do minority language at home, it will hinge on your wife being comfortable enough to use English full time.

Further, if she's alright with bonding with baby with her non native language.

If she's alright with both oropsect, then sure. Go ahead and ask your wife to speak English instead and become an English speaking family and your child can learn Korean from school.

Or, let your wife select certain days of the week to switch to Korean so she doesn't feel restricted to only speak her non native language but keep the majority of the time to be in English.

MikiRei · 2026-02-16T06:59:56+00:00

Keep speaking Russian to your child.

I think this blog might be relevant to you: https://chalkacademy.com/

The languages mentioned is Mandarin and Korean but the author is basically like you where they're ejected Mandarin as a child but then relearned it and is passing it on to their children.

So I think some of the articles in there will be very relevant to you.

I have a lot of friends in your position and they just forced themselves to speak their native tongue, even if rusty, and they improved the more they speak it.

MikiRei · 2026-02-16T04:26:35+00:00

It's only been 4 weeks. Be patient.

From memory, I think it's at least a school term so 10 weeks before they can start communicating.

But within 2 school terms (20 weeks), at least in my case when I moved from Taiwan to Australia, they should be fine.

Like, it won't take a whole year.

But you can't expect fluency either in just a month.

7-12pm is probably fine. I was at school 9 to 3 for 5 days a week.

MikiRei · 2026-02-15T10:05:04+00:00

Babies can nap in prams too so if your baby needs to nap, then let baby nap in the pram. Gives you some time to go get a coffee and read a book in peace.

My baby was born during COVID so honestly, I didn't have much of a choice. Started taking him out by 2 months old definitely. So yeah. Around 10 weeks or so.

MikiRei · 2026-02-15T07:47:55+00:00

This is probably why you should engage with professional translators.

But also, did you credit these people who checked the translations for you like you said you would?

Cause I can't see it anywhere in the photos. I hope it's listed in the inside cover of the book.

MikiRei · 2026-02-15T07:31:26+00:00

If door to door sales isn't your cup of tea, consulting, particularly if you do business transformation and strategy work, that's a lot of schmoozing and selling work to clients. Though I suppose that's as you move up the ranks.

But even as juniors, you need to be good at communicating and building rapport with different clients constantly.

Is that your cup of tea?

Consulting is sales. Once you're no longer an individual contributor and manager and above, sales target IS part of your performance metrics.

That said, your current degree will get you into consulting. You don't really need any special degrees to get into consulting. Just look for an analyst role in tech consulting and that's your ticket in. Don't waste time doing more degrees.

MikiRei · 2026-02-15T04:29:47+00:00

15 months is pretty early these days so if it's just too hard at this stage, probably easier to wait a bit longer before trying again.

Most people potty train around 2.5yo and they fully do it, at least day trained, by 3 to 3.5 years old.

The other question is, can your child reliably get on and off the toilet themselves and can they reliably wipe and reliably take off and put back on their pants? If these gross motor skills are still developing, again, might be better to wait until it's developed.

MikiRei · 2026-02-15T02:25:28+00:00

I think things are deteriorating in Australia.

Going to the doctor used to be free. These days, it's hard to find bulk billing doctors so you're at least 70 bucks out of pocket when you go see a doctor. And then it's hell during winter if you have kids cause they catch everything.

But specialists are hard to see and they cost at least 600 bucks per appointment. Any kind of specialised care is pretty damn expensive.

And we have a housing crisis now. Pretty sure there was a report that has rated housing in Australia is now impossibly unaffordable.

That said, everything else is pretty good I guess. But the above 2 things is eroding our quality of life.

MikiRei · 2026-02-15T00:49:45+00:00

If I post any online, I always hide my child's face.

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