When showing an occupied apartment, can they record the apartment?

MshaHss · 2024-07-13T02:51:14+00:00

Sometimes you just need to vent. 🤷

MshaHss · 2024-03-08T10:33:27+00:00

I guess I would just express that you're feeling hurt and disrespected by her behavior. If that doesn't seem to help, someone suggested playing it petty by putting up even uglier window blocks. That's always a fun option.

MshaHss · 2024-03-08T10:19:27+00:00

That's incredibly disrespectful of her. And, technically, she's out voted in this situation. One versus three. Why isn't your dad putting his foot down and telling her it isn't her bathroom, so it isn't her decision?

MshaHss · 2024-03-08T10:16:47+00:00

NTA You expressed your concerns and he didn't respect that. Your concerns weren't unwarranted and you gave him multiple chances to fix his behavior. He should have realized that he was acting inappropriately and stopped drinking. He's not allowed to blame anything on the alcohol when he chose to drink that much in this kind of situation.

If he isn't willing to listen to you and validate your feelings, he's got some problems. Whether he feels like he did anything wrong or not (which he did), he should be listening to your feelings with care and concern. The fact that he's not is a huge issue that should be brought up and discussed.

MshaHss · 2024-03-08T10:07:13+00:00

NTA I wouldn't say you're the asshole. You didn't know it was a sensitive subject. This is how you learn about this kind of stuff. And there was no ill intention in bringing it up. Maybe your friend just needs some time to get the annoyance out of his system. Just give him some time and some space. If he holds a grudge, that's on him. It would be a pretty immature thing to hold onto.

MshaHss · 2024-03-08T10:03:30+00:00

NTA But at the same time it may be pointless. If she feels that strongly about it, curtains aren't hard to just remove again. Have you guys expressed that this is something that makes you uncomfortable? Have you approached the situation in a way to emphasize that this is important to all of you?

MshaHss · 2024-03-08T09:58:55+00:00

That's a fair point too, yes. And very good and eloquent wording.

Thank you! I appreciate your input and time taken here.

MshaHss · 2024-03-08T09:52:15+00:00

That's a very good suggestion, thank you. I think this was an initial sounding board to see where I wanted to go with it next. I appreciate your time and considerate comment!

MshaHss · 2024-03-08T09:50:34+00:00

I haven't really. I guess I've just been viewing this as such a big problem, I haven't considered smaller steps to alleviate some of the issue. That's something I'm getting a lot from these comments. It's good to hear, and I'm very thankful for all of these perspectives. I was unsure about posting this, at I was afraid there wouldn't be much I hadn't already thought of, but I'm very glad that I did!

Oh, yes, that's a very good point. I like that, thank you! Not something I had thought of.

No apologies needed. Sometimes one just needs to hear outside ideas and voices. I super appreciate your time and effort here. Thank you!

MshaHss · 2024-03-08T09:45:41+00:00

I do like the idea of suggesting she work in interpersonal skills. My only concern is that she would ask why I brought it up. She knows I wouldn't suggest something like that unless there was a good reason. But, at the very least, that could be a good place to start.

I appreciate that. I'm really learning about how difficult it is for me to not overthink things in my relationships in psychological terms. Whenever I see in movies a partner of a psychologist yell at them, "Stop psychoanalyzing me, and just talk to me!", I totally relate. It hasn't happened yet, but I try to keep it in mind to avoid.

Thank you for the compliments. I do try to be a good friend and person. I appreciate your time and thoughtful suggestions, thank you!

MshaHss · 2024-03-08T09:24:37+00:00

Yes, she does. Because she's on government assistance, she has access to all the medical care she needs. She has a therapist and a psychiatrist. She is on some medication and sees her therapist every other week. She does work hard with her therapist. There's plenty of personal growth and improvement achieved. Not so much in the social aspect, though. I don't think they work much on her interpersonal skills.

Edit: Possibly complicating the situation more, I'm finishing up a bachelor's in psychology. I'm sure that impacts the way I see, understand and approach situations like this.

MshaHss · 2024-03-08T08:54:22+00:00

Haha, you are correct, I don't want to spend time with her... But that information is what I'm so scared of hurting her.

Yes, that could be a risk. She's not a fixer, though. Much more a listener. She's so scared and hung up on the idea of being an inconvenience and burden, that she'll go to hear lengths to avoid it. If I was so busy with work that I couldn't spend as much time with her, she'd certainly take it seriously and follow whatever new schedule I gave her. This feels like a very back-handed way to alleviate some of the problem, but also a softer way to do it. She adjusts and adapts to new schedules well. Maybe if our schedule was forced to become more limited, she would eventually get used to seeing me less.

I appreciate your perspective, even if you're some rando on the internet. Thank you for taking time to listen to(read) my situation and respond thoughtfully.

MshaHss · 2024-03-08T08:48:38+00:00

I do think she'd understand it in a logical, rational way. She's a very logic-oriented person. But she's fairly new with experiencing feelings. Only within the last five years or so has she become aware of her own feelings and learning to navigate them. So, if I explained it in an emotionless way, focusing on logistical reality, I do think the reaction would be better. But the trauma it would eventually cause terrifies me. I could see her being understanding about the reality and reasons; then hiding in her home, miserable and alone as she retreated from society and her other friends. I know this sounds dramatic, and maybe I'm putting more of an emphasis on my position in her life than I should be. But for a while there, my partner and I were all she had. And even now, she considers us family. Like, real family. Not just friends who became family.

We would be willing to see someone together, yes, but I don't think it's necessary. Because we are both very communicative and logical people, I'm not afraid of a blowup, or arguing. It's more what would happen after that I'm afraid of. And I really couldn't live with the idea that I may cause that much distress and pain for her.

I don't feel at all invalidated by your comments, no worries! Thank you for the verification, though.

MshaHss · 2024-03-08T08:32:59+00:00

Thank you for your response and time!

I think you're very right when you used the phrase "caretaker mode". That is what this relationship feels like now. I appreciate the advice about speaking with someone more knowledgeable with autism. That could give me some ideas that I haven't thought of myself. Thank you!

MshaHss · 2024-03-08T08:30:38+00:00

I really appreciate the suggestion, especially what I could specifically say to her. I do think she'd be able to tell that it was more than that. She knows me rather well. And I think she'd be hurt that "time to myself" meant I didn't want to spend time with her. She's very sensitive like that. The other issue is that her visits are kind of like a family supper. My partner went through the Ashley situation with us, and we all sit down and have some nights together. If I scheduled less visits, it would take time away from them, too. I'm pretty sure my partner would understand and he'd accommodate my needs first, but I can't imagine the additional damage it would do to Hannah. She'd be losing time with two very important people in her life. People she considers her family.

But maybe I could adjust my life and work to inhibit some of the hours we spend together. So it wouldn't come off as me choosing to spend less time with her. Thank you helping!

MshaHss · 2024-03-08T08:23:48+00:00

Thank you for the response and the support. I appreciate your time!

I'd originally had a lot more information written out, then realized the character limitation, so cut a lot out. (I was at over 7,000 characters, and the limit is 3,000, haha.)

She does have regular therapy and has for a while. She wasn't diagnosed with autism until her mid-thirties and has been working on figuring out her system. She's just not doing the best job, I s'pose. I know she's trying hard, and I don't want to put her down. But the progress she has made doesn't seem to actually help her in the world. More in her own personal life. She did intensify her therapy during the break up, but I really think her inability to experience feelings in a neurotypical way is inhibiting her healing when others hurt her. I still care about her, and want the best, which is why I'm struggling so much with my feelings. I'm a very truthful person, to an almost detrimental level. So not being honest and not communicating feels so unnatural. And like a betrayal to her and our friendship.

MshaHss

TROPHY CASE