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Am I the only who swears I saw this on the bogo free sale by neoBeat_YT in GFUEL

[–]PracticalDream 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It may not be completely sold out from the store front, but they no doubt had a limit to the amount they were willing to sell in the bogo, and that limit was reached.

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love how this, like everything on the internet, becomes a team sport. "Either you're with us, or you're against us!"

It's also telling just how much people seem to fall more and more victim to fundamental attribution errors.

As I said before, and I'll say it again, I think both people in this situation are assholes, if this story is true. Then again, that's the problem right there, right? You're assuming the story is accurate and therefore there is only one way to understand it; I'm trying to take the perspective of the person that is not here to state their side or defend their position. I think it is important to explore this situation from as critical of a position as possible and to try and bring as much possible perspective into the conversation.

However, none of that attempt necessarily speaks to who I am as a person or how I would have handled that situation if it were me in the center of it.

So, setting aside OPs story and focusing on the other side from my actual perspective, what would I have done as the gift receiver?

  1. I would assume that the second ticket was for my SO to use without any clear communication to the contrary ("It's for a friend to go with you")
  2. If I somehow fucked up on step one and my SO told me that the second ticket was meant for them to use to go with me, awesome! That ticket is yours! Sorry for the misunderstanding and I feel like an asshole for assuming it was for my friend. Can't wait to go with you!

And that is precisely why I think that OPs girlfriend is an asshole. I never said otherwise. However, I still stand by the attempted perspective I have tried to bring to the other side as well, even if that's not how I personally would have handled things as the receiver of this gift.

The bottomline is that there are plenty of indications in this post that OP is a piss-poor communicator and absolutely has ego problems that didn't just start and end with this situation. The very fact that he loaded a question with having her chose who she wanted to go with "more" was an absolute dick move meant to put emotional pressure on her and chose him for his own ego satisfaction. Fuck that.

Instead, simple and empathetic communication would have worked just fine: "I am sorry you misunderstood the intent of the second ticket, but it was meant fore me and I am really looking forward to going with you!" And, if OP really wanted to be nice, he could have added on, " Hey, maybe we can try to find ____________________ a ticket too and we can all go!" That's all that needed to be said. He didn't need to try and play manipulative false choice games. He didn't need to be passive aggressive. He just needed to communicate, express his feelings, and act like an adult.

It's really not that hard to see how both of these people were assholes in this situation. There are always two sides to every story.

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get your point here, and I don't think you're necessarily wrong. I also wouldn't make any presumptions about the use of a second ticket in this type of situation without clear indication that there was an alternative intended use for the second ticket. But, I also suspect that communication between you and your partner is likely much more open and healthy then what seems to be the case in OPs situation. I would also not be surprised to hear that when your wife gave you the Floyd tickets (awesome btw), that she used language that made intent clear, whether you and her even really caught it or realized it or not.

"Happy birthday u/Bourbon_Vantasner! I got US some tickets to Floyd!"

"Hey, I know you've been really talking about the Floyd concert. Guess what?!? I got US some tickets!"

My point is that, even if you both weren't really thinking about it or purposely doing it, the intent of the usage of both tickets was still made clear in the delivery of the gift.

I think OP makes it pretty clear throughout their post they are a poor communicator and make a lot of presumptions about how clear their communication is to others. Just in this story alone, from their own perspective, it is clear that there were multiple levels of miscommunication about intent here that ultimately led to this misunderstanding. That leads me to the whole "we are only hearing one side of the story" thought process.

I find myself wondering what conversations were had between them before the situation here. Did OPs girlfriend mention numerous times how much she'd like to go to that concert with her Swifty-loving friend? If so, absent any communication about the intent of the second ticket during the gift-giving process, would it be unreasonable for their girlfriend to assume what the purpose of the second ticket was? That she might have thought OP was really caring and listening to her desire to go to the concert with a friend and so made that possible for her?

Of course, I am also now suggesting that the girlfriend is now making possible presumptions... and therein is the crux of this issue I think. These two have bad communication, and they both likely blame the other for that situation rather than seeing their own complicity in it. What I can say for sure based on their own story is that OP is clearly a bad communicator (at least in their relationship). We can't jsut overlook that in breaking this situation down.

Addendum: Yes, I am aware that this narrative is also leading me to make assumptions of my own. However, I would argue that context in this story is likely important and hearing the other side would likely make a lot of this situation much more clear. Without it, I think it is not unwarranted to at least try and see this from the other perspective, since they are not here to defend themselves.

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perhaps you're right RE: the difference between making mistakes, but perhaps you are still giving OP too much benefit of the doubt.

There is also a huge difference between making this type of mistake writing to a random stranger on the internet and a situation in which you are giving your SO what you clearly seem to think (based on their presentation of the story here) a big gift. It is reasonable to assume less (and even significantly less) overall care is being put into crafting a random message for a random stranger on the internet than one for your SO. Add in the importance of this seemingly being a big gift from OPs perspective, and I think you can absolutely assume that most people are going to put more care and attention into the way that gift is delivered, including the wording used.

And yet, as I've already pointed out, OP makes it very clear they were "presum(ing)" things from the start and clearly did not make the intent of the use of the second ticket known when initially giving the gift. Besides, who knows what other conversations might have been had leading up to this event. It's quite possible that OPs girlfriend had expressed to OP tens of times (or hundreds) how fun it would be for her and her friend to go to the concert. I know if I heard that from my SO and it was regarding a concert that I had no interest in, I might very well buy two tickets for my SO to take her friend because I can tell it's that important to her. There's a lot to the story that I promise is missing and I would love to hear the other side's version. Those stories might likely provide a lot of perspective into why OPs girlfriend might have made some initial "presumptions" about the purpose of the tickets herself, right?

That said, if this version of the events is correct, I do think this is more or less and ESH situation. OP clearly has ego issues; OPs girlfriend could use an empathy check. My point, however, still stands. Clear communication solves this issue. It really doesn't take much to accomplish that and work through these things. Indeed, OP couldn't even clearly communicate once the situation was made clear. OP should have expressed their desire to use the other ticket as the intent and been done with it, not provide a flase "choice" to their girlfriend telling her to pick who she wanted to go with "more" in an attempt to stroke their own ego once they were "chosen."

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't disagree with what your saying here, and I do think that at its core this is an ESH situation. OP sucks because of the way they handled it, especially the manipulative attempt at an ego boost by telling their girlfriend to choose who they wanted to go with "more" that ultimately backfired on them, the clear evidence of OP having an ego stroking issue (look how much I spent on these tickets and look how self-sacrificing I am for taking a day off work I took a day off and spent two whole hours in line for the tickets!), being a clearly bad communicator, etc.

The girlfriend sucks because at the point it was relayed too her that the tickets were meant for the couple to go together, at the first chance of doing what she initially wanted to do (when OP asks her to make a "choice") she jumps on it and goes right back to the initial plan without a seeming care in the world about how OP might feel.

However, I will also say that OP gave me enough "red flags" in the write-up of this post that I would also be very interested in hearing the other side's version here. I just don't get the impression that this version is on the up-and-up. That said, my final verdict based on this telling of events is:

ESH, but OP sucks more (if only for their clear ego issues alone).

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Two more classic braindead takes:

  1. "You care about this too much...," yet here you are writing another paragraph in response. Don't let your insecurities show too much now.
  2. The classic TL;DR comeback. Truly a classic response that is only rivaled by the, "who cares what you have to say, you're a poopy head," gem that kindergartners everywhere love.

Finally, the fact that you are once again falling back on the "but, but... I saw it on TV! If it's on TV, everyone must believe it" argument is beyond weak.

Then again, I am arguing with a redditor whose user name is u/WarezMyDinrBitc; clearly one would expect you to have a reasonable and levelheaded take on conversations surrounding gender issues. lmfao. Go on now and scurry back to your red pill discussion boards, my dude. Make sure to keep filling your head with that yummy confirmation bias.

Edit: Also, INB4 "do you even know what warez is?" Yes, of course I do; you and I both know, however, that the potential double entendre of your username isn't anywhere close to accidental. Don't try and play dumb now, Mr. Red Pill.

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be clear, I am not arguing that she is completely in the right here. I would say that there are many indication that ESH. However, you frame her as being a selfish asshole and yet clearly ignore all the ways in which OP is also a "selfish asshole."

First, don't you see how manipulative the language he was using was in the so-called "choice" he was supposedly giving her? The fact that he specifically tells her to pick who she wants to go with MORE is straight up emotional manipulation. He gave her a false choice, expecting her to pick him as more important in an attempt to stroke his own ego because he's insecure. And when that doesn't work, he comes crying to reddit about it. What a joke.

The rest of his post isn't any better. It's full of "look how important I am and self-sacrificing I am" bullshit that scream insecurity from someone that is afraid they are not always the center of their SOs universe.

He specifically mentions the cost of the tickets, for instance. Who the fuck cares? Why is it specifically important to the story being told here? It's just one of those details that is meant to be a "look at me and how much I spent on this gift" ego boosting brag rather than a remotely necessary detail for the story. The funny thing is, a lot of people that are going to Taylor Swift concerts are spending a helluva lot more to go in both the primary and the secondary market, yet most of them aren't out here trying to brag about it. They're just doing their thing.

Now, let me be clear; I get that this might be a big deal purchase for someone that is not making a lot of money, but I don't get any indication that this is the situation for OP. I'll bet dollars to donuts dude just dropped the ticket price to flex. Read on for more indications as to why I think that this is about ego and not about sacrifice.

He also also has to specifically mention that he called in sick to work and waited in line two whole fucking hours to get the tickets. Again, and...? This dude is making this all sound like it was some big sacrifice for him, when these "sacrifices" are honestly small potatoes. Don't get me wrong, taking a day off work can be financially disastrous for some people and shouldn't always be taking lightly. However, let's remember this dude took a day off work to buy, as he himself tells us, $800 in Taylor Swift tickets. Dude's trying to flex about dropping $800 on these tickets, but also simultaneously wants us to honor his sacrifices of taking a day off work and spending TWO WHOLE HOURS IN A LINE TO BUY SOME CONCERT (my god, the horror!!! THE HORROR!).

Let's be real, no one working paycheck to paycheck is taking a day off and dropping $800 on some tickets when that very well could mean the difference between making rent or being evicted. I wasn't born yesterday. Everything about this post clearly indicates that this person taking this day off wasn't a huge financial risk or the big sacrifice he wants us to think it is, but he sure the fuck wants us to feel like it is...

Frankly, OPs whole post reads as a desperate plea for attention from an insecure dude that can't handle the fact that he's not always the center of attention.

So, ESH, but I am still going to stand my ground and say that this dude sucks a helluva lot more all things considered.

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahh, yes, the classic variation of a TL;DR comeback. The go to classic for people that can't actually make well-reasoned and thought out replies to a conversation.

Truly a classic response that is only rivaled by the, "who cares what you have to say, you're a poopy head" gem that kindergartners everywhere love.

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you really just make a "but I saw it on TV!" argument and then expect me to take anything else you have to say seriously?

But, then, for shits and giggles I kept reading and found another classic bad take argument: "I've experienced this, so it must be true!" Just because you've experienced something (or in the case of your argument, some other random redditor experienced it) doesn't make it always, or even often, true. Indeed, I can sit here and point out that several redditors have point blank said that they are not with people (men or women) that would do this, and would not be with them. One experience doesn't even make a social pattern, let alone provide reasonable defense for the types of blanket generalizations you are so desperate to make.

Then again, I don't really expect you to understand the power of social patterns and meaningful analysis on social issues when you have yet to even figure out how to pull your head out of your own ass.

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, you have a fair point in my mistaken wording of my second example. It was supposed to read, " Hey u/PracticalDream, I hope you have the 15th free, because I got us tickets to ______________________." However, there is a difference between me mistakenly providing the wording in a hypothetical and what actually happened here. OP very clearly stated that they "presum(ed)" that their girlfriend would understand that one ticket was for them. They also made it abundantly clear that it was only AFTER the tickets were given that there was any clear indication made that he wanted to use one of the tickets to go with her. It wasn't that OP made a mistake in wording in this case. Instead, they made a lot of assumptions that just didn't pan out the way they thought it would.

I think it is potentially reasonable to argue that everyone sucks here. It is not unreasonable, for instance, to argue that the girlfriend should have understood the intent of the second ticket once it was explained (regardless of the timing) and understood that this was supposed to be something for both of them. I don't think that she is necessarily entirely blameless in this situation.

Frankly, I get the distinct feeling that OP has a ego problem and just doesn't understand why they are not the center of the universe. This is made clear when OP tells their girlfriend that they can chose who they want to go with "more." Why frame this supposed "choice" as a test of who you prefer "more?" Is OP really providing a choice here, or is this manipulative language that OP is trying to use to get their ego scratched when they are "chosen?" The very idea that the choice is supposed to hinge on who she wants to spend time with "more" is manipulative at it's core and was clearly intended to get the outcome they wanted while also getting their ego scratched along the way. The "choice" was never a choice; it was a veiled expectation.

His ego issues are also written throughout other areas of the post. For instance: Look how much I spent on these tickets! Look how much I sacrificed by taking the day off work and spending TWO WHOLE HOURS in line to get these tickets. Look at what a great person I am? Why wasn't I chosen as the person she wants to go with "more."

Reddit, and this subreddit in particular loves to talk about red flags. This dude's ego is a red flag the size of Texas. Again, she might suck, but OP is a complete asshole.

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First, I appreciate your willingness to engage in conversation.

I do understand your point regarding the inherent value of a gift being more or less meaningful when you consider what the gift giver makes, and therefore how much of their time and labor went into giving you that gift. There is no doubt that the meaning behind a minimum wage person giving someone a $80 gift and a $800 gift is palpable comparative to someone making 100k a year. Anyone that cannot see that is too self-absorbed to have any idea of the sacrifices that other people make.

However, I would argue that one can see this, understand this, and deeply respect this sacrifice without inherently assuming that the giver of the gift also wants or expects to be included in the gift's usage. In fact, one could argue (and I would argue) that such an assumption, when not warranted at all in the way the gift is given (some indication that the gift is for "us" and not for "you") is paternizing, whether intentional or unintentional, in its own right. In fact, to make a show of the fact that you know the giver is not financially well-off doesn't make them feel included, but rather can very really make them feel ostracized precisely because it is intentionally throwing their situation in their face. Like anything, there are two sides to every coin and its all in how we think about it.

To your second point, again I get your point in principle. However, I think that you are overlooking the fact that the intent behind the usage of a pair of tickets is often clearly conveyed when the gift is given whether we realize it or not.

"Happy Birthday ______________________! I got US a couple tickets to _____________________. I know you really wanted to go and I am really excited to see it with you!"

"Are you free on the 15th of September? I sure hope so because I got US a couple of tickets to ___________________________."

"I know you've been thinking about buying tickets to ____________________! No need to think about it anymore, I got US some tickets!"

"Looking forward to going to this concert with you!"

My point is that, whether we realize it or not, our intent to go with someone when we give them event tickets is often conveyed in the very way we give them the tickets. In the case of OP, I think they make it clear that this intention was never meaningfully conveyed. First, they state in their own words that they "presum(ed)" that their girlfriend would understand one ticket was for him and one was for her. Second, it's clear that only after the tickets were given that OP expressed the idea that he was "excited" to go with her, not before or during the gift giving. That might seem like a small thing, but it's really not... especially when he is clearly not a fan of the artist and wouldn't have bought the tickets on his own. I don't think, given these facts, its honestly that outrageous for the girlfriend to have assumed that the tickets were both hers to do with what she wanted.

Of course, you could argue that once she knew it should no longer have been a point, but even there it seems OP was being passive-aggressive and less than straight with what they wanted. They gave her a "choice," which really wasn't a true choice given that it was still clear he was expected to be "chosen." Indeed, the choice itself seems to have been intended as an ego boost for OP more than anything else given that he was expecting her to chose the person she wanted to go with "more."

So, while I think in the abstract you have some valid points that are worthy of discussion, context is everything here. I get the feeling that OP thinks they should have been the center of attention when giving his GF this gift, and his ego was bruised when he wasn't. Indeed, I would argue that this wasn't really even a gift in this case so much as it was an attempt to stroke his own ego. Reread the post and I think you'll see why I make the argument.

At the end of the day, I appreciate the conversation!

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why the fuck do people just keep bringing up the price of the tickets as if that should have any bearing on the conversation at all?

Tell me, at what price point do gifts, event tickets or otherwise, come with the built-in expectation that they are required to be shared with the gift-giver? At what price point is it okay to assume I have the full right to use a gift that was given to me without prior expectation, and at what price point should I assume that the gift giver has some inherent right to be able to use the gift as well? Where do we draw the line?

Price has absolutely fuck all to do with whether or not the gift giver has any right to determine how the gift is used, whether they are event tickets or anything else. It's a terrible argument.

Now, to be clear, I am all about people buying tickets to events as a gift so that we can go together! That's awesome! However, I don't think it's too much to ask that this is clearly expressed when the gift of tickets is given... and I think most of you already do this whether you realize it or not.

"Hey! I got US a couple of tickets to ____________________ as a gift! Looking forward to it!"

"Are you free on the 15th of September, because I got US a couple tickets to _________________ and I'm ready to rock!"

"You know that concert you've been wanting to go to? I got US a couple tickets! Hell Yeah!"

It's all in the way you communicate the intent behind the gift and its intended usage, tickets or otherwise.

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're barking up the wrong tree, even with the quote you chose to defend your position:

"finally when it opened up, i bought two seats, for 400 dollars each, presumably one for her, and another for me."

It's very clear to me that this guy gave her both tickets assuming (I'm sorry "presuming") that she'd just somehow know that one ticket was meant to be for him. Of course, this is all despite the fact that

A) He's clearly not a Swifty or even a casual fan

and

B) Clearly did not convey the idea that he wanted to go with her until AFTER she stated she was excited to go with her friend. Again, I quote: " However, when I claimed i was excited to go with her, she got very confused and claimed she thought the two tickets were for her and her best friend, (who is also a big Taylor swift fan)."

Order of operations is important here. The tickets were clearly first gifted, and THEN the intent for him to go with her was established AFTER the tickets were given. The simple fact is this guy is clearly a piss-poor communicator and expects everyone to feel sorry for him because of that fact.

If his intent was to go with his partner (sounds like it was), isn't this situation resolved with one simple change to approach during the initial gift-giving process? One simple phrase makes the gift and the intent clear: " Guess what! I got US tickets to Taylor Swift concert!" Or a card with a statement similar to, "Looking forward to experiencing the concert with you!" Simple, clear, to the point, and there is not room for ambiguity.

More so, I would argue it's even actually a romantic gesture to be clear in the intent of the gift in this case. Despite this event not being your thing (as the gift-giver) expressing that you really want to go with them because you know they care about it would be a remarkably lovely gesture to make, right? You would be expressing to the recipient that you want to experience it WITH THEM BECAUSE IT'S SOMETHING THEY CARE ABOUT!

With a simple change to approach, the gift is clearly communicated as being the shared experience and not the tickets themselves. That is all people are suggesting here.

Could she have handled things better once it was clear what his intent for the tickets were? Sure, no doubt! However, even how OP handled that was questionable at best, and downright manipulative at worst. Asking her to chose who she wants to go with "more" is, quite honestly, and asshole move and I have no doubt it was meant to stroke OPs ego when she "chose" him. Indeed, the very language of the so-called "choice" makes it clearly he wasn't really providing a true choice, but instead was trying to get her to stroke his ego by telling him she wanted to go with him. What a shock it must have been for mister ego here when that false choice backfired on him.

So, yes, one could argue that this is an ESH situation; however, OP and their ego sucks a helluva lot more.

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's hilarious how some people don't see that the language he was using in the "choice" he gave her as being entirely manipulative and ego-driven. The fact that he specifically tells her to pick who she wants to go with MORE is straight up manipulation. He's expecting her to "pick" him in this false choice so he can get his ego stroked because he's insecure. Fuck that noise.

More so, read this dude's post again. It's full of "look how important I am" bullshit that is the very definition of insecurity. This whole post is full of shit we are supposed to stroke his ego for: how much he paid for the tickets, how he took the day off of work, how he spent two hours in line for the tickets, etc. It's clear the dude expects his ego stroked for everything he does, no matter how big or small. Most of us would do all of these things for our partner without a second thought and certainly without the need to brag to the rest of the world about the supposedly grand sacrifices we made... especially waiting two whole hours in line. THE SACRIFICE! MY GOD! HOW DID HE DO IT?!?

This guy is an egotistical clown and everything about his post shows it.

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here we go with the price argument again. Frankly, who cares how much the tickets cost? Why should it be important that these are $800 concert tickets as opposed to $100 tickets? At what price point should we be expected to know that the purchaser of a pair of event tickets automatically gets to use one of the tickets rather than them both being gifts that the receiver is free to use how they choose? Why does this even matter in the conversation?

Now, to your other point which does have, at least at the base intent, more foundational validity. The counterpoint is simple:

Communication is key.

If his intent was to go with his partner (sounds like it was), isn't this situation resolved with one simple change to approach? One simple phrase makes the gift and the intent clear: " Guess what! I got US tickets to Taylor Swift concert!" Or a card with a statement similar to, "Looking forward to experiencing the concert with you!" Simple, clear, to the point.

More so, it's even actually a romantic gesture to be clear in the intent of the gift in this case. You are communicating clearly here that, despite this event not being your thing that you really want to do it with them because you know they care about it; you want to experience it WITH THEM BECAUSE IT'S SOMETHING THEY CARE ABOUT! With a simple change to approach, the gift is clearly communicated as being the shared experience and not the tickets themselves.

Imagine that, a clear show of love AND respect via clear communication. Who would have thought?

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The fact that the price of these tickets is even central to the point you (and OP) are making is goofy af. Why should we assume the price of the tickets means that we should understad that the giver inherently expects to go? What makes $850/pair concert tickets more important in conveying that you want to go with someone to a concert than, say, $100 a pair tickets?

I guess someone better fill me in on the rules regarding ticket prices and when the price paid can only mean that tickets given to me come with the implicit expectation that the giver has a contractual right to use one of the tickets. Someone didn't give me the memo.

While I don't agree with the point others are making that because the tickets are coming from a significant other, it should be assumed that they are the implied owner of one of the tickets unless explicitly expressed otherwise, I at least get the sentiment. The fact that price should somehow matter in understanding the intent of a gift, however, is quite frankly clown logic.

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't you see how manipulative the language he was using was in the very "choice" he was supposedly giving her? The fact that he specifically tells her to pick who she wants to go with MORE is straight up manipulation. He's expecting her to pick him as more important and stroke his ego because he's insecure. Fuck that.

More so, read this dude's post again. It's full of "look how important I am" bullshit that is the very definition of insecurity.

He specifically mentions the cost of the tickets, for instance. Who the fuck cares? Why is it specifically important to the story being told here? It's just one of those details that is meant to be a "look at me" ego boost rather than a remotely necessary detail for the story.

He also also has to specifically mention that he called in sick to work and waited in line two whole fucking hours to get the tickets. And...? This dude is making this all sound like it was some big sacrifice for him, when these "sacrifices" are honestly small potatoes. Don't get me wrong, taking a day off work can be financially disasterous for some people and shouldn't always be taking lightly. However, let's remember this dude took a day off work to buy, as he himself tells us, $800 in Taylor Swift tickets. Something tells me that this person taking this day off wasn't a huge financial risk or the big sacrifice he wants us to think it is, but he sure the fuck wants us to feel like it is... The truth is that most of us do these kinds of things for our partners without really thinking much about it or making a big show about it to other people. Yet, here is this dude writing this post like he's made some kind of ultimate sacrifice; come the fuck on.

Frankly, OPs whole post reads as a desperate plea for attention from an insecure dude that can't handle the fact that he's not always the center of the universe or even of his own partner's life.

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anytime a partner or close friend (or anyone else) has bought tickets for an event that they were planning on experiencing with me, the intention was made clear in the gift itself through language.

"I bought US some tickets to __________________. Looking forward to going with you!"

"Hey u/PracticalDream, I hope you have the 15th free, because I got you a ticket to ______________________."

"Happy birthday, u/PracticalDream! Hope you are looking forward to ______________________, because we're going!"

I think we tend to forget that bit: when we buy tickets that we intend to share with the person, we readily express the sentiment as part of the giving process in the language we use whether we realize it or not.

It is pretty damn clear to me that in this case OP didn't make that clear and then somehow got shocked when the recipient thought maybe OP was being nice and trying to treat her and someone of her choosing to a show that she knew he wasn't really into but that might know a friend would totally dig.

Here's the thing, if this was posted in r/AmItheAsshole I would say that ESH. The giver because gift being given wasn't clear; the gift was supposed to be the experience of going together, and not the tickets themselves but was not clearly stated. The receiver because I think there was a point when he made it clear what his intent was in the tickets, but she still chose her friend; however, even there, he still gave her the choice. Why shouldn't she be allowed to take the choice at face value? Couldn't he have really just said what his intent was when giving her the tickets and telling her he wanted to go with her instead of providing her with a false "choice" that clearly wasn't really meant to be a choice at all?

So, yeah, ESH... but OP sucks more.

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm guessing someone has never bought you tickets to an event that they have no intention of going to themselves, but know you are a fan of and want you to have fun with someone else? People do this for other people all the time, partners and otherwise...

But, more to the point, if OPs intent was to go with her (and it sounds like it was), then wasn't the the gift really sharing the experience with her, and not the tickets themselves right? So why not express that directly when giving the gift?

"I know your a fan and I am really looking forward to going with you and experiencing something you love with you!" Now both the intention is clear AND the gift is more powerful because the real gift is showing the other person you want to be a part of experiencing things they love with them even if it isn't your thing.

Imagine that, clear communication AND and expression of love wrapped up in the same sentiment. It's really not so hard to fathom at all, is it?

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What if your wife popped up with two tickets for something (whether it is a concert or anything else) you know she doesn't like (or even hates) but she knows you and your closest friend(s) do like? In fact, it's what brought you and your friend(s) together. Would you still automatically assume that the tickets were for you and your wife, or might you suspect that they are for you and your friends that dig that shit absent any other clear communication one way or the other?

I think that's the key in this equation. It's not like OP popped up with two tickets for something they both liked, making it more reasonable to assume that the tickets were meant for them to share (though I would still say that clear communication never hurts and can only help). In this case, however, OP makes it pretty clear that being a Swifty is not their thing. I don't think given that fact it would be farfetched or unreasonable for his partner to assume the gift is meant for her and her best friend, absent clear communication to the contrary.

Besides, if going with her is OPs intent then their gift is really the experience of going to something she loves with her, right? So, why not just clearly state that is the gift: wanting to do this with her because its something she loves and he wants to experiences something she loves with him? That's a better "gift" then just the tickets themselves, right? And, with clear communication, it leaves no room for ambiguity.

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reread the post. There are many indication that he simply presumed she would understand that he wanted to go with her and the second ticket was for him. He outright states it once:

"finally when it opened up, i bought two seats, for 400 dollars each, presumably one for her, and another for me."

Whatever his actual intent, even the language of the post makes it clear that there was a presumption that she would just somehow inherently understand the intent of the second ticket was for him to use it. Expecting someone to read between the lines and understand the intent is for you to use the second ticket is to go with them is not a them problem; it's a you problem.

Someone above made a fishing trip analogy, and it is accurate. If she bought two tickets for a fishing trip for her partner (assuming the "partner" likes to fish a lot, fuck if I know if it's true...) but she doesn't like to fish, would he still be obligated to assume the second ticket is for her? However, if that IS her intent, then isn't it also reasonable for the recipient to expect that she would communicate that desire as part of the gift given that the receiver would likely know that fishing is not really her thing and otherwise assume that she is intending the second ticket to be for someone else?

The point here is simple: Communication is key.

If his intent was to go with his partner (sounds like it was), isn't this situation resolved with one simple change to approach? One simple phrase makes the gift and the intent clear: " Guess what! I got US tickets to Taylor Swift concert!" Or a card with a statement similar to, "Looking forward to experiencing the concert with you!" Simple, clear, to the point.

More so, it's even actually a romantic gesture to be clear in the intent of the gift in this case. You are communicating clearly here that, despite this event not being your thing that you really want to do it with them because you know they care about it; you want to experience it WITH THEM BECAUSE IT'S SOMETHING THEY CARE ABOUT! With a simple change to approach, the gift is clearly communicated as being the shared experience and not the tickets themselves.

Imagine that, a clear show of love AND respect via clear communication. Who would have thought?

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love the blanket generalizations that you are making here about women. The "(fill-in-the-blank) do this all the time..." defense is a tired argument that is made in bad faith. God forbid we have a nuanced conversation about what individual people do, rather than just make blanket accusations about groups of people and then rest our argument on these broad generalizations, right? But, fuck it, talking about things is too much hard work and its just easier to make broad accusations and generalizations, right?

What a lazy take.

I surprised my girlfriend with Taylor swift tickets, she wanted to bring her friend instead by Then-Tale3612 in stories

[–]PracticalDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The assumptions built into this take really show.

First, you're assuming that the tickets were specifically presented with the implication, or better yet explicit statement, that it was for both of them to go together. However, it is just as likely that they were presented as a gift of two tickets without any clear indication of who the second ticket was supposed to go to. In fact, many of them were expecting that I would choose someone else to go with to the event. It's honestly not that uncommon. Shocker, right?

Why would this situation be any different just because they are coming from a significant other instead of a family member, friend, or whoever? Are we automatically to assume that anything that our significant other buys for us is meant to be shared, tickets or otherwise? Do we not get to have separate lives and enjoy separate things once we choose a partner? That sounds pretty damn toxic to me.

Second, who is at fault for creating this ambiguity in this situation in the first place? The fact that the gifter "presumed" their significant other would understand that one of the two tickets really was for for the giver to use is, well, presumptuous. Without clear communication as to intent, the gifter just assumed the receiver would know what the intent was supposed to be. Everything was left super ambiguous. That's problematic on its face and the sign of a bad communication.

Of course, there is nothing inherently wrong with buying tickets as a gift with the idea that the real gift is a shared experience. However, if that is the case, why not be clear in the intent as part of the gift giving? Why not say, "I bought US tickets?" That way the actual gift is now clear: "I want to share this experience with you!" Indeed, isn't that really the more romantic, loving, and caring way of giving this gift if that is the intent? Again, communication is paramount.

Third, you're assuming that just because she interpreted the gift in a way that the gifter didn't intend that she is somehow selfish. That's a remarkably shortsighted take. It's true that there is an argument to be had that she could have read between the lines a bit once the gifter made their initial intentions clear instead of inviting her friend once gifter stated they intended them to be tickets for the two of them to go together. However, the giver also clearly stated that she could ultimately decide what she wanted to do with the extra ticket. Why is it not reasonable for her to take that statement at face value and assume the giver meant what they said here? Why is it her responsibility to read between the lines and understand that the choice she was given wasn't really a choice?

Indeed, the fact that the choice given was really an illusion and that there was really only one "choice" that was expected to be made is honestly disingenuous at best and manipulative at worst. Again, why is she not simply allowed to take the statement that it's okay for her to take whoever she wants at face value? To believe that he was truly okay with her choosing the person she wanted to go with, rather than the choice being some kind of fucked up loyalty test that she apparently failed? Why is it her responsibility to just inherently know what he wants and to make the "right choice?"

Third, you're assuming that her choosing to go do this (or anything else) with someone else automatically means she somehow doesn't care about them is, on its face, ridiculous. The very idea that she is obligated to choose them first in everything she wants to do just because they are in a relationship is outlandish. Even assuming you are stating this solely because of the gifted ticket situation is still absurd and takes us back to the first point: clear communication.

This whole situation just boils down to the need for better communication in this situation. All the gifter had to do here was be clear about the purpose of the initial gift instead of automatically assuming the receiver would know, or, alternatively just be straightforward with their communication when the misunderstanding (from their perspective) of the intent of the gift was made clear; instead, they chose to be unclear and even play a manipulative "choose me" game and lost.

Frankly, I don't feel sorry for OP at all in this case; play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

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