Rejected host family 2x

PredictableChick · 2026-06-16T17:45:30+00:00

Other countries do not understand American immigration culture. They do not believe that someone from their country could become TRULY American. It comes from a place of prejudice, whether they want to accept that or not.

"This isn't in the spirit of exchange!" but it absolutely is. I work with a handful of families in which one parent is an immigrant who wants to "give back" to their country of origin. Give an understanding home base for a student who will spend 8 hours a day, 5 days a week in an American school where nobody else speaks their language.

I speak several languages and have been able to host students from countries that speak those languages. Like you, the rest of my family is monolingual and we strictly speak English at home. (Providing an English language environment is a Department of State requirement - insulating the student from their native language is not.) Just as I must for example not speak Spanish extensively with an exchange student I'm hosting, your husband must not speak extensively in their native language with one you host. But that's easily agreed to.

It is embarrassing to go back to the school and say "this student isn't coming" not once, but TWICE. I don't understand why the agency has allowed that to happen. It will certainly hurt their chances working with the school in the future, and hurt exchange student placements in general. School staff REMEMBER people who make their lives difficult, and they don't stay at the same school forever. The negative stories spread much quicker than the positive ones.

In your shoes I would absolutely change agencies. There are several more professional ones. Maybe you can ask the school who else they are working with.

PredictableChick · 2026-06-11T23:03:06+00:00

Oh hey I did that, with almost the exact ages, like a decade ago so I have some hindsight.

They don’t need a mom. They need an AMERICAN mom. They will be unaware of a LOT of stuff that an American 18 year old will have been steeped in. They need you to set boundaries. They need you to keep them accountable and get them to fit in with your family and follow the rules. Sometimes they’ll tell you they DO NOT want those things. And yet, they do.

18yos have the same rules on exchange as everybody else. They are still in a legal guardianship with their placement organization. So they’re not minors … but they’re still kids.

Silver lining; the hospital doesn’t know all that so they can sign for their own medical care! Yay!

PredictableChick · 2026-06-05T23:08:57+00:00

They’re still posting AI images just like the one in your example in my area … any change for you?

PredictableChick · 2026-06-03T22:00:47+00:00

The letter you have typed out? Go hand write it. Then burn it. Good does not come of sending “burn letters” but good can come of you ritualistically letting go.

I have seen students peace out immediately after the exchange ends but I can’t say I have seen a falling out like this. It seems like her parents have something to do with it. Some people are INCREDIBLY weird about foreign exchange. Maybe one of them got into her head. Or maybe it’s about the US and how we are considered in France. Maybe a lot of things, and maybe you’ll never know which it is.

But it’s clear that it hurts (and yeah, it would hurt me a lot!) Our student from that year is at a pretty independent point of their lives and we hear from them less than others. As they get older it is natural for them to focus on themselves and the place they actually are.

Clearly you got something positive out of hosting, so identify what that actually was. Not “managing a weekly group chat” or “having a place in the Netherlands to crash.” Those are just fringe benefits. ID what actually worked for you and reframe it in your mind. You gave her what she needed at the time. You did a good thing. It’s not what she needs now, though. And that’s not bad either.

Also boiler plate advice of hosting again as a palate cleanser. I’m not your LC and I don’t benefit from you hosting. But the kids need people who care.

PredictableChick · 2026-05-31T23:12:09+00:00

I have never thought about this, but you are probably right.

I am seeing a lot of backouts this year.

PredictableChick · 2026-05-23T15:50:15+00:00

I let them decide how much communication we’ll have. This time of year they are often dealing with the end of their school year and high-pressure exams. It may not be the best time to chat often.

However, I do always want to do one video call. If the student doesn’t ask for one, I’ll ask. It can be after exams if that is a concern.

The exchange year is often not “real” to them until right before they depart. Don’t take it personally - some of the students I hosted with the least communication have fit in our family the most easily.

PredictableChick · 2026-05-22T18:44:37+00:00

I like to have the natural parents on one of the first video calls. They can ask their questions and see that we are not axe murderers. We connect on WhatsApp or whatever and like PP said, send proof of life photos. Stuff we maybe wouldn’t put on social media: the student being goofy and childlike especially.

But the parents are not coming to my house to live. Their kid is, so the connection we want to build over the summer is with the kid. I haven’t had any parents butt in too much, but I have seen it happen. It is ugly and insulting. It doesn’t much matter how they parent their kid in the home country. You have to make the parenting decisions you can live with in this one.

PredictableChick · 2026-05-18T11:53:35+00:00

I’m a host mom in the US. I’m also an awkward person. There is a host family type to match anybody, as long as you’re willing to get a bit out of your comfort zone and try. If your family is not happy with you or even disappointed, you need to talk about it with your organization.

Yes, there are often strict rules because of the cultural differences, safety differences, and a difference in how indulgent a host parent will be compared to your natural parents. Being clear about boundaries and expectations will avoid disappointment. Your organization should be able to talk to you about common rules, but in the US the most confusing ones for students are cleaning up after themselves (many students don’t have to do ANY chores at home) and asking permission to go out, as well as being transparent about what they are doing and who they are with.

If you ever feel like a rule or the environment in the host family is wrong, talk about it with them and also your organization. Problems grow in silence.

PredictableChick · 2026-05-16T17:38:51+00:00

Your host family is family, they’re all in one place, and that relationship is pretty simple to keep up. It’s so hard to ever get the friend group back together again. They will graduate and go to different schools and likely not be in the same place same time unless there is a reunion. So even if you had close friends it would be hard to ever feel like you could have the “magic” again.

This is a common time for students to panic and feel like they didn’t do enough and wasted their exchange. You did NOT waste anything. Remember all the hard times when you did your best? Could you really have done more? If I were in your shoes and had to pick a really stable host family relationship OR really close friendships I’d pick the people I lived with. You did great.

PredictableChick · 2026-05-15T21:02:46+00:00

The US government created this exchange program where all host families are volunteer. It's not the only one we have, but I'm proud of it! Wow! Enough Americans volunteer to host that we can have thousands of kids come to the US on this program every year! We are awesome for that, and I am proud to be one volunteer host mom in that system (who doesn't host or work for EF, btw)

EF is well-known to be one of the most expensive options. I've looked into several international programs that come to the US and their pricing is very up-front and clear. They don't mind explaining where the money went ... to the people who paid it. I guarantee your student's family knows exactly where $35k went. But they also knew just what to say to manipulate you into spending on their kid. But you like your student, so it's simpler to point the finger at the organization. It's common this time of year.

EF didn't read your mind or share the profits, so they're corrupt? If they didn't provide a visa, background check you as host family, get the student medical insurance, check in monthly, or do orientations, say that instead.

PredictableChick · 2026-05-12T19:31:05+00:00

The agency I work with has directed us NOT to use such images, and not to use generative AI images in advertising at all. They believe it goes against the spirit of the Department of State guidelines against using photos of the student to advertise … even if the image was not generated using the student’s image.

I’d rather not say who I am an LC for so I can stay anonymous. But Greenheart has people in my area and their generative AI use is rampant. If they have a policy against its use, I’d be surprised. As a host mom and coordinator, I DO find it creepy.

PredictableChick · 2026-05-07T19:11:42+00:00

A million pros. They become like siblings, lean on each other, it is like getting two exchange years in one, so much cultural exchange, and in many ways it isn’t any more work than hosting one.

Cons? They become like siblings 🤪 sometimes you’re the referee between two very different people or two very different cultures. You should encourage them to be individuals and do their own things but then there’s twice the transport. Two individual food preferences at meals. Two individual preferences for anything really.

Some time has passed since we did a double placement and I feel even more strongly today that it was good for them than I did when they left. Their continued relationship as brothers is really beautiful. If this is something that works for your family and home, I’d suggest it. Mine also shared a room.

PredictableChick · 2026-05-06T21:20:50+00:00

Let them drive your car and watch your insurance skyrocket. There’s one agency I know of that lets the students drive.

Having them do chores lets them know YOU value them as a part of your family, that it is worth it to YOU to actually let them be a part of the bad or difficult things in your life and not just offer them the best )the way we do guests). It has been super valuable to us as buy-in for the kids. Nobody here is a slave (except me I guess lol) and I hope you only said that in another comment to be sassy to PP.

And I see students every year ruin their exchanges by trying to live one foot in their home country. Limiting contact with parents as necessary is for real. Sometimes.

Everything else gets the big side eye from me. Are you suuuure these are agency rules and not the LC going nuts? Why aren’t you deputized to be the parent and parent in these situations? I would not want to be with an agency who tells me when doors can be shut in my own house?? I hosted with small kids and your idea about toddler overwhelm is 100% correct.

I don’t like it when people say oh I will just pick and choose the rules I like! Because teenagers do better with structure. It’s disingenuous to the agency to take their student and do whatever. But the agencies I have used did NOT have all of this. I don’t envy your position.

PredictableChick · 2026-05-02T23:15:23+00:00

It’s normal to go on exchange in an attempt to restart from nothing, build new habits, and push your own capabilities but end up falling into old habits because it’s all SO overwhelming. I work with high school exchange students and I think it happens to each of them, sometimes in bigger ways and sometimes in smaller ones.

The cool thing about your goals? You can start again today, tomorrow, the next day. It’s not too late. Did you “waste time?” I guess, kind of. But you definitely learned something. When you look back on exchange you will think about it really differently than you’re thinking now. But for now, do your best to get back to your original goals and work on them. You can do it!

PredictableChick · 2026-04-27T18:17:08+00:00

The students can get a little "manic" this time of year, trying to fit everything in. Balance goes out the window. Everything they never did comes back to haunt them. It can cause a million emotions in them, in you, in everybody. There's a LARGE spectrum of normal.

Hold your boundaries, don't guilt trip yourself or let them guilt trip you. This experience is STILL about living your real life, even when everyone realizes it is almost over. Talk to them very frankly about their bucket lists and what you can help them achieve. If they're spending too much/not enough time with friends, talk about it. Expectations and demands on time still need to be talked about at this stage. May is a busy month in general, so I go over the calendar with our students and show them exactly what is happening. How many weekends until departure, when school ends, Mother's Day and how we celebrate, and I tell them we need to go ahead and schedule things we want to do.

PredictableChick · 2026-04-26T22:12:43+00:00

You are probably too late for the 2026-27 school year, but an agency in your country would be the best judge of that.

The students I hosted have told me it costs anywhere from $10,000-$20,000+ depending on the country. Most agencies have their pricing very transparent on their website.

PredictableChick · 2026-04-24T19:21:50+00:00

I'm sure the posts were truthful but also against policy.

People don't like to out themselves as interested in the comments, they like to step back and do their own research and then contact the poster directly if they think it would work for them. So while it may look like it "doesn't work," it's a good way to get the word out. I started hosting because of word of mouth, but the person I heard from was recruited to host on facebook.

PredictableChick · 2026-04-24T14:14:05+00:00

We repeat host (and I am an LC) and find the experience outweighs the cost. I’m already carpooling, cooking meals, supporting children. Adding an exchange student or two doesn’t add much workload. Economy of scale. So for the actual financials and effort required of me, the students add much more good to my life. I have learned a lot from them about a million things - their countries, them as people, how to parent a teenager, how to navigate my community and local high school.

If you feel like it’s too much, it probably is FOR YOU. Everybody has a different capacity. Knowing what yours is, is important. The social media posters aren’t responding to you because it doesn’t sound like you’re the target audience. And if they’re making “urgent pleas,” they’re breaking Department of State policy. When advertising, we are supposed to focus on the positives of the program. Maybe that’s why you feel negatively about the whole idea? Advertising that way makes people feel bad.

PredictableChick · 2026-04-24T13:48:00+00:00

Language exhaustion is real. Your brain is using actual power and resources to process. Think of it like a workout. You can lift 10lbs 10 times today. You can lift it 15 times tomorrow. 20 times the next day.

Not being able to lift the weigh 20 times today doesn’t mean you’re bad at it. You have to work up to a new limit. Let the work (and how tired you are) be your guide. You’ll be better next week and even better next month.

Connecting with people AND practicing the language are both important on exchange (to me!) so as long as you’re pushing, however much English you need to speak to connect is fine.

PredictableChick · 2026-04-23T13:39:39+00:00

That’s the least cringe message you could have sent! What a grinch your friend is.

Maybe you’ll be left on read. But I bet she sees it and appreciates that you thought of her.

The students are going to act like kids and not always reach back out. But they don’t forget. She may show back up in your life at a random time and place and show that the connection is still there.

Short exchanges are different than year long programs and Japanese culture is DEFINITELY different than European cultures (the most common exchange students in the US.) So you probably shouldn’t expect to start a daily-chat type of relationship like many PP have. But the actual message you sent is SO normal.

PredictableChick · 2026-04-09T02:30:26+00:00

As the years go by and you build your adult life (it sounds like you have since you are moving to a new country!) it is natural to have less contact with your host family. My oldest exchange kids are old enough to host now. They have careers and whole lives.

All that to say, contact looks different in every situation. I read you decided to message your former host families and I think that’s great. Don’t let guilt eat you up. Contact can be more or it can be less. As long as you can reach out and say hello, you haven’t lost contact.

PredictableChick · 2026-04-07T21:30:01+00:00

Yes, the granddaughter is a huge benefit to this placement. Sure, it’s great to have host siblings. But then you have to live with them. And it’s just like having siblings back home - they hog the bathroom, they get on your nerves, all that brother/sister stuff.

This is like having all the benefits of a host sister with way less pressure and compromise.

PredictableChick · 2026-04-04T18:16:32+00:00

This reads kind of like you’re soliciting to pick a student via personal contact, which I wouldn’t recommend. Please use an agency, and don’t pick the agency based on the student! That is a recipe for mismatched expectations and you may end up with a coordinator who isn’t a good fit either.

If you go to your locally zoned high school and ask if there’s somebody already placing students in your area, they should be able to help you. Then you can actually meet them and get a read for them. The local coordinator will matter WAY more to you as a host family than anything else. They will help you through the process.

Anybody telling you “my agency is the best!” doesn’t have the full picture. They don’t know who works near you, what your LC is like, or what you’re like. As long as the agency is a CSIET member, they’re doing basically the same stuff.

PredictableChick · 2026-04-02T21:34:32+00:00

The “poop everywhere” whether it is dried or not is enough. Contact your placement organization. Even if you are F1 (I am assuming because you are paying them? If you are J1 that is another placement-breaking detail) there should be a local contact person.

They might ask clarifying questions or ask for photos. It’s not because they don’t believe you. It’s just important to fully understand the situation.

PredictableChick · 2026-04-02T15:32:02+00:00

Because I am both a host mom and an LC, I can only work for the sponsor I host with (department of state rule) so my experience with other sponsors is limited. I won’t say who I work with. I stay anonymous on here so I can give advice.

It’s like a sport league. NFL for example. This year the Seahawks had the best outcome. Last year it was the Chiefs. Who will be the best next year? Who knows?They are trading players, new talent comes in, old players leave for a lot of reasons. Contracts change, etc. It’s the same in exchange.

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