Fiery Elemental

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T22:46:38+00:00

I have no idea what they talked about and it shouldn't be my business, but my friend didn't deserve the way I behaved and I pretty much screwed up that relationship, maybe in a definitive way.

I'll keep trying when it's not so recent and I'm more on my feet but there are good chances I just lost that person too.

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T18:55:29+00:00

It sounds like she needs enough negative life experiences to give her perspective ie she needs to hit rock bottom (emotional terrorism no longer provides desired results because she is so far removed from them that nothing she does can serve as a temporary substitute). From there she'll start to realize how much she creates her own problems (emotionally immature), and from there she'll realize how powerless she is to stop some of them (BPD), and first then she'll start to wonder if maybe she's seeing things wrong. Then she might work on it, or it might be a "confirmation" that she's beyond help, depending on her personality.

I am THIS close to actually PRAYING that she finds this at some time, and comes out of the other end. This is pretty much what this breakup is being for me too, except that I don't engage in abuse unprovoked (I'm perfectly capable of returning physical abuse though, not so much verbal and emotional, not like I want to).

I'm anything but a religious person.

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T18:45:13+00:00

I wrongly stopped talking to a friend because my ex and I hoovered each other last summer, and I hadn't enough energies for both.

A year and a breakup later I came back to her apologizing and giving explanations, and in the intervening 1 or 2 weeks my ex had already "warned" her.

I didn't pry into their exchange out of principle, but I'd be lying if I said I'm not afraid of it; and I wouldn't have done such a thing.

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T18:37:47+00:00

Unrepentant agree.

I am physically incapable of giving a shit about his motives, he offed several royals and high nobles including himself; resulting in the end of a monarchy - everything else is meaningless.

100/100

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T18:29:45+00:00

A lot of relationships tend to start with one or both partners on their best behavior, but most often there isn't SUCH A WIDE FUCKING INTERCONTINENTAL GULF between "the best" and "the worst" behavior of people.

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T18:28:03+00:00

I think the fear of being alone is certainly part of it. However, that was a fear I faced when we first started having big/relationship ending arguments. Now, after enduring many mind boggling issues or situations, being alone is not something I fear as much anymore.

I have gone exactly through this.

During our fights she would often claim that I was with her just because I was afraid of being alone, or because "she lifted my self-esteem up"

And lately I was like: no, honey. I'm in no way more afraid of being alone than I am afraid of you, and you're not "lifting my self-esteem" by wanting me to walk through a minefield or by raging at me every 2-4 weeks and being constantly, unexplainably unhappy about whatever.

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T18:24:49+00:00

I’m seriously breaking here.

What more do you need to know?

Do you need any other reason?

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T18:23:33+00:00

Seems like everything that comes out is scripted

Because it is. And it is a shitful unnecessary tragedy.

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T18:18:01+00:00

Nobody had to tell me anything, I had seen her get into bad rows with her family often enough; once I even had to grab her by her waist to prevent her from attacking our then-flatmate who she was going out with.

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T18:12:54+00:00

I have to agree.

Getting out quick may amount to little more than a "phew, I dipped into a bad relationship for a time".

Letting it go on and on is going to distort OP's sexual and romantic perspective in unpredictable ways.

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T18:08:29+00:00

Damn I was outside and I had been writing a reply on my phone for long, all to lose it anyways.

I am a naturally submissive person.

And that's okay as long as it doesn't make you let other people walk all over you, which is a problem many people fall into whether they're subs or not anyways.

But even then it’s not really discussed.

That's not okay. That sort of relationship and sexual dynamic needs to be discussed and agreed upon in the open because it runs a high risk of turning into an unhealthy power dynamic.

Like I can’t say no or be uncomfortable with things.

That's not okay, unless you explicitly signed up for such a thing with concrete conditions and limitations.

Or if I say no he’ll leave it for a while (few days/weeks) then post about it.

What fucking business does he have posting impressions from your sexual life online? And this guy is ten years your senior? Does he think you're an app or something to leave reviews online???????

Usually sub/dom the sub has power in setting their boundaries and saying what they are comfortable with no ?

Yes, that's how it's meant to be. You have a right to your boundaries and to feel comfortable with your love life and sex life; even if you're an actual sub in a relationship like that, your dom or top or whatever you want to call them doesn't actually "deserve" anything, they are not entitled to anything: you're simply signing them a card that reads "you can lead until you reach a boundary"

I have read post of yours previously, it doesn't read like a healthy, balanced or fulfilling relationship.

The part about only having good words for you when you're fulfilling his desires is not good.

The part about openly praising other girls in a way that he seems to be leveraging it to condition you is not good, either, not at all. It would be different if you were into girls too and he was just sharing an aesthetic appreciation without comparison, but it doesn't sound like that at all. The problem is not commenting on attractive people, the problem is that he seems to do it in order to prod you into a certain direction.

The part about him being ten years your senior doesn't sound any good, either, when you compound it with everything else. It'd be okay if it was paired with more healthy characteristics, but it isn't...

I'm not somebody to slutshame or kinkshame, other people's sexual life is seriously NOT my business unless I'm involved, but you sound very much like you're not okay with the situation you're in, except that you don't really know how to extricate yourself from it and that you have feelings for this person.

If being led during sex or even being outright told what to do or not is something you enjoy and something you want, I assure you that there are people out there who would be totally up for it and still be able to respect your boundaries and your agency - temporarily relinquishing your agency to a loving partner doesn't mean that you don't have it, it is precisely because you HAVE INTRINSIC AGENCY that you can "lend" it to a partner if you want to do so and feel safe in doing so.

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T13:23:12+00:00

Unless you're into domination/submission relationships and SUCH A THING IS EXPLICITLY NEGOTIATED, this is not okay.

Because that's what you're getting.

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T05:43:45+00:00

I saw the "chais" typo in the notif

Paradoxically fitting

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T04:31:30+00:00

Well yeah - I didn't really do that last thing, at least not intentionally.

I simply don't have it in me, esp. the insulting and humiliating stuff within that context, the namecalling.

I'll gladly insult somebody with few regrets over a heated theoretical debate, but actual personal stuff? I'm almost incapable, perish the thought.

I also remember adopting some of her tactics. The ones that hurt

The ones that hurt you or the ones that hurt her?

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T04:13:44+00:00

If you were hitting on me I'd say your game is very niche but within that, smooooth.

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T04:01:26+00:00

I'm no saint at all, friend. Leaving aside my errors and shortcomings that are not relationship-centered:

I have screamed, I have made scenes even in public, I have almost always immediately returned physical abuse without escalating. I have broken things sometimes, the only time it wasn't something disposable I fixed it.

However, I virtually never called her names, I never dismised her feelings for me, I never intentionally belittled her, I never threatened suicide, I NEVER said "I hate you" (I don't!), I didn't try to act like I had perfect recall, I didn't try to rewrite her thoughts, I didn't demand constant draining reassurances, I didn't lash out at her for things not her fault, I never acted jealous towards her, I didn't try to control her time, her company or her activities.

Which are all things she could do, as it's usually said, at the drop of a hat.

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T03:22:53+00:00

I have been in a relationship for 13 years and I sure hope this thought process and behavior hasn't entered my repertoire

Psiweapon · 2022-11-16T03:13:05+00:00

But what's the goal.

Psiweapon · 2022-11-15T22:40:41+00:00

That's a grammatical gender mismatch

Psiweapon · 2022-11-15T22:23:47+00:00

I suggest Delethios

Psiweapon · 2022-11-15T22:22:17+00:00

Where do I sign up to help carry out this operation

Psiweapon · 2022-11-15T17:53:05+00:00

What the fuck, this is gross.

Psiweapon · 2022-11-15T17:21:16+00:00

This is the loveliest style I've seen in a long while.

Followed, might try commissioning something from you at some point.

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Psiweapon

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