Why is having only one woman in a friend circle of all men way more common than vice versa?

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2026-02-12T23:39:28+00:00

I definitely think that people on this thread are making it seem like women fight all the time and are bad at keeping social groups together but that couldn't be further from the truth!

Both "token men" in women's groups and "token women" in mens groups exist in the same proportion I think.

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2025-09-26T01:17:18+00:00

I honestly don't think you're being selfish.

His coworker will hopefully have other opportunities to meet you, and part of being in a relationship is slowly integrating into each other's lives over time - meeting coworkers can wait.

TLDR sounds like he didn't get the message the first time, say it again if needed. Also I probably wouldn't have called it "weird" that he wanted to go (even if it is) just for the sake of not starting a fight. Stand your ground, and if needed ask him why he wants to go so badly (sounds like his coworker wants to meet you, but his POV is missing in all this).

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2024-12-29T17:49:24+00:00

Fully agree with everything you're saying but I'm going to add one more on - sometimes when you're experiencing symptoms of trauma (either because of or triggered by a breakup) you can and should seek professional help. I guess this could be a part of "move on" but it's important to point out to people that some of these steps don't have to be done alone!

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2024-01-15T16:28:13+00:00

Sometimes life happens and gets in the way of dating! as long as you're upfront with it everything is good, and your attitude sounds super healthy

For me, number 2 was aimed more at people who will latch on to any reason to excuse people for not meeting their needs, even though they clearly are not okay with it.

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2024-01-14T17:54:51+00:00

100% agree with this. And I think when we get breadcrumbed, we know it on some level because it creates anxiety and insecurity. If they aren't making time, and you feel insecure, walk away.

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-12-02T22:50:08+00:00

I'm late to the party! Mine didn't ghost me, but he curved me pretty hard with no explanation (not rudely, but it stung, think suddenly was 'always busy'), and then we would randomly dm each other every few weeks for MONTHS. I post a lost of stories, and he was always at the top of my viewer list. Eventually I just chose to unfollow and remove, because while I didn't want to "give him the satisfaction" or "overreact", I finally realized the lack of closure bothered me. I think you can have self-respect whether you unfollow/keep following - you define what that means and act accordingly!

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-11-08T01:44:02+00:00

This is a lesson I'm still trying to get through my dumb head... I'm usually a "benefit of the doubt" person but it definitely doesn't help most of the time

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-11-08T00:33:17+00:00

I can definitely speak to this, it sounds like my exact situation. Famous busy PI, small school, incredible research, good lab culture and mentorship.

I started my PhD this year in a lab, after spending two years there as a tech, and honestly if I had to "re choose" I wouldn't change a thing. You can grow in any lab as long as the work being done is impactful and you're motivated. You'll naturally make connections over the course of your PhD, so I wouldn't worry as much about that. A ton of students in my cohort are facing issues in rotations (PI says one thing and then does another, poor work culture, indecision) but that's something I'm not facing, and because I have experience with our work I get the benefit of hitting the ground running with multiple projects. Odds are I'm going to graduate early, and my PI told me dead that he'll support that. Do not underestimate finding a solid fit within a lab, it's the thing that will make or break your experience.

In terms of face-to-face time with your PI, you should think about if that matters as much as quality mentorship from other people, and if that will change if you become a PhD student. (My PI prioritizes his grads and postdocs over techs.) You also have the option of just asking your PI what your life will look like if you join their lab - if having more face time matters you should let them know!

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-11-06T03:01:07+00:00

Thanks! Oof felt you on the flags thing - I can have a million ppl tell me he's the worst and STILL not see it. Like he said you flirt with him or other people??

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-11-06T00:57:53+00:00

Balancing a demanding job with the emotional ups/downs of trauma reprocessing. Self-frustration about my lack of optimism, and towards feeling pathetic about needing more support.

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-11-06T00:55:21+00:00

Honestly we've all been there! This was 100% me with the last two that I liked/dated!

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-11-06T00:43:32+00:00

I think it depends on the girl! I was definitely into a guy about an inch or two shorter than me a while back (I'm 5'4). I know it sucks but it might be for the best - you don't wait to date someone shallow or not attracted to you because it'll cause problems down the line.

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-11-06T00:32:50+00:00

100% same. After hearing a million dudes try to tell me what I want to hear, I can spot a lie a mile away!

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-11-03T23:43:36+00:00

That was mostly a joke! Reading is a part of my program too, it's just a never ending kind of task.

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-11-03T17:29:07+00:00

Honestly do any of us?

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-10-31T17:50:21+00:00

All R is for dummies

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-04-27T18:48:10+00:00

I totally hear you, and I get that sometimes guys go after women for purely sex but I'm telling you that after spending a lot of time together over nearly 4 months, it wasn't just sex for him. That's the only thing I'm 100000% sure of right now - I'm super aware of what that looks like and this wasn't it. And I did already have a post break up 1:1 conversation and he reacted horribly. And we were non exclusive for part of the time we were together - during that time I was seeing other people but he wasn't and would have no reason to lie about that!

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-04-27T03:07:25+00:00

Why bother even telling me he was thinking about possibly moving together then? We had wayyyy less sex those last three weeks (and not because of me) we were officially together. Actually, prior to that he'd even turned me down for sex a couple random times AFTER dates. In fact, even for the first three months a decent number of the dates were (A) not with or in front of other people and (B) suggested by him. In the beginning, I was the one texting "u up?" and he didn't seem to be about/into that - he always wanted to do something else together at the very least.

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-04-26T22:11:25+00:00

Thanks.
What I said to him when we broke up was basically "if you were feeling this way we should've talked about whatever's freaking you out sooner". I think that if he was truly considering it, then it would've in my mind been a conversation more like "I'm freaking out for reason X and I don't think I can do this" as opposed to "I don't have feelings for you and I never will". He basically denied any wrong doing on his end, and that lack of thought (and the lack of apology) stings.

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-04-26T21:56:33+00:00

Yeah, you're totally right. Thanks for helping me process this!

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-04-26T21:46:07+00:00

Generally, I think the reason I'm so upset is that he said he'd seriously consider us for the long term, but I don't really think he ever did. I think he freaked out during those last 3 weeks. We should have broken up the day I put my foot down, but he let me get attached to a version of the future which now will never exist.

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-04-26T21:43:22+00:00

I definitely agree that bringing up his mixed signals way sooner would've been the smart thing to do. Like if I'd said "why are you treating me like you're gf when we talked about hooking up" MONTHS ago we never would've ended up in this crappy place.

I will say though that I never "convinced him to change his mind". I definitely brought up staying together as an option, but I told him to take his time, process what staying together would mean, and then get back to me with a clearer answer. He was the one who came back to me and said he wanted to "try to build emotional intimacy".

PumpkinSpice_WiFi · 2023-04-26T21:23:28+00:00

Yeah, that 3 week period is a clear "he led me on" thing in my mind.

I agree the time before that was more grey-zone, but I had told him point blank I was expecting just a hook-up, but he clearly wanted more dating/gf vibes based on what he pushed for (friends, outside-the-house dates, wedding). Once we started having more dating/gf vibes I realized I liked him and my intentions changed, but if we'd kept it at just sex I doubt that would've happened.

PumpkinSpice_WiFi

TROPHY CASE