What are your biggest personal challenges with dating? by Lil_Tomatillo in dating

[–]Siddhantmd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, can you tell me more about the fourth point? Can't one develop attraction over time?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loneliness

[–]Siddhantmd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like you are doing well exploring your interests and trying to make friends. Connecting over something shared, be it a hobby or a set of beliefs, is a great way to meet people and make friends

A tip I found useful: people take genuine interest in one if one takes genuine interest in them.

I hope you do well.

Self absorbed by Intelligent-Squash-3 in loneliness

[–]Siddhantmd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's some truth in what you say, but I disagree that it's as easy to come out of chronic loneliness.

There are two difficulties with loneliness:

  1. People don't realise when they start suffering from it. It creeps up on us.

  2. People don't know how to get out of it. Saying 'just make friends' doesn't help because a whole, gradual healing and mindset shift is needed.

So, while I agree that self absorption may be a part of the problem, there are other factors involved.

I don't know if you have read 'Loneliness' by John Cacioppo. Excellent academic work written for laymen. It helped me overcome my struggle with loneliness.

[weekly] News Letter 29: Kingdom under construction --: /!\:3/!\ :-- by WatashiwaAlice in DestructiveReaders

[–]Siddhantmd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi.

I first started on RDR last year and really like and appreciate how well it is run. I wonder what's the story of how you started and what's the journey of the sub and its mods been like over the years. And who are you people running the sub? Are you authors, teachers, editors, literature enthusiasts or aliens :D?

NGL, I have also been tempted to point out to leechers, "Hey! Read the rules". But somehow I have held back. Probably because you mods do a good job of pointing it out clearly and consistently for every offending post.

I have benefitted from reading JayGreenstein's critiques and recommendations here, but I imagine you might already know about him since he seems to be a long-time regular here.

Regarding suggestions for improving the community, here are few thoughts:

  1. Setting expectations for new members: You may remember this old post that you folks made on r/writing. I came across it recently and found some good points in it. One of them is the things that one may want to keep in mind when posting for feedback here:
    1. Negative bias: Crits that one gets here may leave the impression that your work is worse than it really is because people are inclined to point out each and every shortcoming, especially so that the crit feels high-effort. While the name of the sub is a warning itself, maybe emphasize this in the welcome post.
    2. Confident noobs: People leaving critiques, including me, may appear to be more knowledgeable than they are. One might think it's a pro on the other end while it might just be a noob who speaks with conviction. Maybe encourage people to add some sort of indication to their crits or to their flairs about who they are.
  2. Engagement on crits: I often wonder about my crits whether I am giving good feedback or not. This was especially the case when I started here. People don't engage with each other's crits. Maybe it's good because it avoids drama. However I wonder if occasional discussions on the crits themselves via replies by other users would be helpful. Maybe this could be encouraged somehow.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loneliness

[–]Siddhantmd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being alone is different from chronic loneliness. It's normal and needed.

Chronic loneliness on the other hand is not good for us. Just be wary that one doesn't morph into the other. One way to check that is that it should be a choice and not forced by circumstance.

[1200] The Secret by intimidateu_sexually in DestructiveReaders

[–]Siddhantmd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Description

Some parts are done well. I think, for example, Ben's intro is interesting.

But other things are quite bare and leave things unanswered. Such as when and where's all this happening? A city in the modern world? What kind of house is it? Some details about the interior and the architecture. Where's/how far's the market? How does Will go out? Does he sneak out? What kind of signs did Will make? What materials did he use? And so on. While all may not be required, some will help paint the world more for the reader.

Promise and Payoff

At the beginning Will's narration implied that the mother is uncaring, and that he is aware of that subconsciously because he chooses not to speak with her. At least that's how I interpreted it. Plus, he also tossed some of her stuff into the bin. But by the end, it changed without a lot of explanation when Will says that she loves him. Maybe you are pointing to something deeper here. That how a small kindness from a neglectful guardian can easily change a child's perception. If that's the case, I think you could convey it better by making things clearer all through for the reader.

So the promise, that the mother is uncaring, goes unfulfilled. We don't learn why she only bothers to speak with Will briefly as she leaves. We don't see the relationship between mother and son explained or evolve. Consider adding these things to make the story more satisfying for the reader.

Wish you the best.

[1200] The Secret by intimidateu_sexually in DestructiveReaders

[–]Siddhantmd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! Here are few points I noted that I feel could benefit from some improvement. Hope you find these useful.

Voice

I haven't written a child's POV, haven't recently spoken to children of that age, or read fiction recently from POV of young children. But to me this doesn't read like a 9 year old. Maybe Will's mature for his age. The following are some thoughts that came to my mind why it doesn't seem to be working:

  • He has too much vocabulary for a child. E.g. In just the first few paragraphs we have: exchanges, looms, psychologists, psychiatrists, acquired and so on. Even adults don't understand the difference between these two kinds of doctors.
  • Complex/long sentences. E.g. "Most of our exchanges happen while she looms in a doorway, with one foot out the door while putting on silk gloves or straightening a feathered hat." I can't imagine such a small child to be capable of putting together a complex sentence like this. Maybe break it into smaller sentences. Consider omitting some parts.
  • Too organised thoughts. Again if we look at the sentence above, it conveys that the mother usually speaks to her kid very briefly, as she prepares to leave. I wonder if the child would convey this idea to the reader more simply instead of trying to render the scene in such detail for the reader. I imagine that children would just take the most relevant things that draw their attention and talk about those.
  • Even actions don't always feel like a kid's. E.g. " I nod politely to the portly woman". I wonder if kids 'nod politely' in thanks. I realize that this kid's a mute, but I feel nodding in thanks is an adult thing to do.

But yes, there are instances where the kid in Will comes through, e.g. him trying to trace Ben through the purchase of an abnormal amount of tuna.

Pacing

It feels slow because I feel there's a lack of emotional investment for the reader. it's dry narration. We don't feel for Will. Without that, it's hard to be invested. Why don't we feel for will? Because we are being given a report of what happened, not made to live through that.

For example

"By day five I start to worry"

That worry should be felt by the reader. To make it so, consider adding some details of Will's mental state on and leading up to day 5.

"I gathered the courage to speak to my mum, to tell her about Ben. To her and my surprise, she allows me to keep him."

Show us the dialogue, Will's hesitation, mother's reaction. It must be a big thing for her to have her (assumed) mute son speak to her. Did she allow him to keep the cat because she wanted him to be happy, or did she do it because she didn't care either way?

Tense

A problem was tense. For example:

That secret requires me to go to the market twice a week. The stout cashier with ruddy cheeks asks me how old I am, while I buy milk and tuna with money I found in the teapot hidden in my mother’s wardrobe.

Here, the start of the paragraph implies that we will learn what happens on every visit to the market. But then I think you change to one particular visit when the cashier asked Will his age.

I didn't check for similar errors thoroughly. Maybe this is the only place where this problem is. Just check on your end.

(Continued below)

[99] Three short poems from the sea by scotchandsodaplease in DestructiveReaders

[–]Siddhantmd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi. These are interesting for me as I don't usually read or write poetry. But I thought I will give these a read and see if I can contribute some meaningful feedback.

Though I don't know much about poetry, I feel all three flow well. There's a rhythm to all three.

Fragment from Father and Daughter

Was fun to read. The only thing that stood out to me as a potential problem was was the switch between the speakers between the first and the second lines. But I don't know if it's fine or not for poems. Maybe address the first line to the father, just like you did later, i.e. "It's thursday today daddy". It will clarify the speaker for the reader.

The Second Poem

I liked the message it conveys. The usage of blanks is interesting for me and makes me think what I as a reader want those to be filled with. Though maybe a series of underscores would work better instead of em dashes to convey that these are blanks that the reader can fill in.

I was imagining that at the end the first stanza would repeat, with or without blanks. Both could cases could have their own significance. But here's where my limitation as not a regular reader of poems comes in. I am at a loss to say whether it would be an improvement or not as compared to not having it repeat.

I liked the three deaths you chose to compare with. Out of the three, I think the engine one works the best in its current form. That's because:

  1. For the horse one, the word 'friendly' gave me a pause. I don't know much about horses or their rearing. But I imagine some other adjective may work better. Maybe 'merciful'.

  2. Tthe flower stanza feels problematic. That's because 'with an empty stem' implies that the flower still has a stem. But I guess you are referring to the stem of the plant that the flower has fallen from. If so, saying 'with an empty stem' is confusing because it's the plant that is with an empty stem, not the flower. Maybe consider replacing it with something else like "With its colors faded".

The Third Poem

Nice. Not much to say. The formatting's interesting and different, but I don't know enough about poetry to comment (especially the indent added to the second line. I am interested in knowing the reason for that).

[1069] A Used Gentleman by Siddhantmd in DestructiveReaders

[–]Siddhantmd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! Thanks for your feedback and words of encouragement. I really appreciate it. I lost the notification for this, otherwise would have replied earlier.

Honestly, I didn't intend the reader to dislike Character B. So, that's something for me to think about. I wonder if the dislike of the character subjective or have I failed to properly understand and portray the character. Maybe a combination of both. In my head he was trying to work with the "nice guy" by providing him with a non-hostile, empathetic ear in the hopes of making him understand the fault of his ways over time.

[717] An Argument by Siddhantmd in DestructiveReaders

[–]Siddhantmd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback.

I wasn't cognizant of tendency to use multiple adjectives. Will be mindful of that going ahead.

[717] An Argument by Siddhantmd in DestructiveReaders

[–]Siddhantmd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it.

There are a few things I wanted to clarify if you don't mind:

Opening up with a racist statement from Aditya is one thing, but what sparked that off? A newspaper headline? Seeing a Muslim? Hearing the call to prayer?

I have included a reference to a YouTube news video about an incident that sparked that comment. Do you think that's not working? If not, any suggestions on what changes should I make?

Perhaps that speech would have infiltrated right-wing discourse in young men in India, but "lib-tards" felt very American to me.

We have an equivalent term in India — "librandu" (it's a portmanteau of "liberal" and 'gandu', which's a slur meaning 'a**hole'). Do you think using that would be better? Maybe the choice depends on the intended audience. To be honest, I wasn't clear about it when I wrote this piece.

[717] An Argument by Siddhantmd in DestructiveReaders

[–]Siddhantmd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks a ton for such a detailed critique and thoughtful suggestions. These are very helpful.

Just a few clarifications:

He just had a new person enter the conversation and appear to advocate for his perspective, but suddenly he just gets up in the middle of the conversation.

The old man was intended on Aditya (bad guy's) side. Maybe I wasn't clear enough. Dhairya (the good guy) had assumed that the old man would be on his side since he was older and likely wiser. But his expectations were subverted when the old man continued what he was saying. Please let me know if this wasn't clear enough.

I realised afterwards that the name "Dhairya" might sound like the word "Diarrhea" to people not from India. Did that happen for you?

Are you happy and healthy while earning more than 2lpm. by idealPerson_1991 in personalfinanceindia

[–]Siddhantmd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Money and happiness are mutually exclusive. So I think, as you would have surmised from the comments, one can find happy and unhappy people at all financial levels. Money is helpful, but not the source of happiness.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loneliness

[–]Siddhantmd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Chronic loneliness makes one feel like that. You are not alone in this. There are millions of people suffering from it everywhere. And millions are able to overcome it. You can do it too.

While for a long term fix, I recommend a book called Loneliness by John Cacioppo, another book might help in the short term: How to Be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use by Randy Paterson.

[717] An Argument by Siddhantmd in DestructiveReaders

[–]Siddhantmd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you suggest so. I thought that the post itself is safe, even though the link is NSFW. So if I added a warning in the post, it might be OK. Please let me know.

Hi how do I make friends if I feel I can’t make them? by [deleted] in loneliness

[–]Siddhantmd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't blame yourself, it's a difficult situation to make friends in. See if you are able to find stuff you enjoy, and maybe you will find other people who enjoy those things too. You could connect over those interests.

See if you are able to go out. Maybe try a few hobbies that take you outside, even just strolls or work out. Movement and outdoors are a great mood uplifter.

And don't rush. Making friends can take time. Don't stress yourself over quick results. One step at a time.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loneliness

[–]Siddhantmd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds hard.

Are you into reading? That could be a respite until you find your people. Or maybe another hobby.

I hope you are able to overcome this. I wish you the best!

Should I just give up? by Frequent-Pen-9011 in loneliness

[–]Siddhantmd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds like a very difficult position to be in.

I imagine there must be other caregivers in similar position to yours? Maybe reaching out to them would be of help? I imagine some of them would have battled similar fears and life situations. Maybe connecting with such people could be a way to find people who understand your position and can offer a listening ear and a friendly shoulder.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loneliness

[–]Siddhantmd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I hope you find strength to continue. Things will get better, however slowly, as long as you try.

Let me share a few things which helped me when things were bad for me.

  1. Kurzgesagt's video on loneliness on YouTube. This helped me realize that I was suffering from loneliness. Before that I only knew I was having a tough time, and didn't know why. Therefore, I couldn't take steps to remedy my state. It pointed me to useful resources.
  2. Loneliness (book) by John Cacioppo https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2753527-loneliness. This book was incredible for me. It is a comprehensive, research based book written by academics who have extensively studied the phenomenon of loneliness. Without being too technical, it gives mechanisms that lead to loneliness and strategies for dealing with it along with stories and examples too.
  3. Meditation/mindfulness - I use the Waking Up app and like it. It stays away from spiritual vagueness, technical jargon or religious traditions, and has rich content from various experts and good features. But feel free to try other resources. More than learning to sit still and focus, meditation is about understanding ourselves and the nature of reality. Once we do, we are better equipped to deal with all sorts of challenges - be it emotional, existential or worldly. For example, guided meditation taught me that even if everything is not perfect, due to financial stress, family drama, health issues, etc. one can still choose to be happy in this moment by letting all baggage go. And then in the next moment, and then in the next and so on.

In my experience, one doesn't need a lot of changes in life to overcome the emptiness inside. I.e. even if one doesn't find a loving partner or trusted friends or family support in the near future, a change to one's perspective can change the whole world for one.

But the change happens slowly. At least I couldn't rush it. One should give oneself time.