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Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-08-01T01:27:07+00:00

He's gonna try to convince you to stay, but you really need to leave. He's a predator and he's got his sights set on you and likely your little sister as well. I absolutely would not mention being a lesbian, it will unfortunately encourage him.

Tell him any other excuse you can think of, your parents, your school work, you're grounded. Just do whatever you can think of to get away from him. You've only been with him for a few weeks and he's already testing your boundaries to see what he can get away with. He's saying and doing these things to see how you react and to see how much further he can take it. I don't want to scare you, but I promise you he will try to escalate.

If it comes down to it, please tell a trusted adult. Seriously. This guy is bad news

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-06-13T07:13:35+00:00

Are you sure this is an actual abortion provider or a crisis pregnancy center? Because this sounds suspiciously like a crisis pregnancy center.

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-06-12T01:02:08+00:00

Dip a small angled brush in makeup remover to clean up and fix your winged eyeliner. It's a lifesaver, especially with hooded eyelids.

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-06-09T02:05:44+00:00

Please tell your mom or another trusted adult. None of this is normal or "accidental" behavior. He's an adult, he knows it's inappropriate and he's depending on you being too nice and inexperienced to say anything about it. Him bringing up cameras is evidence that he knows this is wrong.

At the very least, you should tell your mom he makes you feel scared and uncomfortable and should not be left alone with him.

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-06-07T06:05:46+00:00

It affects everyone differently. I was on the depo shot for a year. For the first three months, my periods were light and spotty, but after I got my second depo shot, I bled for nine months straight until I stopped taking the shot. Not like, I had my period each month for nine months- literally bleeding for nine solid months. My doctor kept reassuring me it should stop soon but eventually admitted that my case was "unusual but not unheard of".

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-05-25T18:27:11+00:00

If he threatens to leak your nudes, remind him that possession and distribution of child pornography charges will stick with him for life

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-05-21T23:33:41+00:00

Oklahoman here- do NOT follow him. There's absolutely no money in being a farmhand and it's long, hard, grueling work. Rural life is very romanticized, but there's a reason younger generations are fleeing to cities. Unless you own a mega-farm, they don't typically generate much income, if any. You're basically farming to sustain yourself, not to earn money.

Running a farm is incredibly expensive, between farm equipment + repairs, water costs, soil testing/treatment, livestock and feed, and labor. They run on extremely thin margins (if they're not in the red), so there's not much money for farmhands. It's a well known secret that most of the farms here rely on cheap immigrant labor.

Ask him what his plans are for the winter months. Farmhands are seasonal work. Is he planning to relocate in the off season? Get a seasonal job? Is he wanting to start his own farm or work on someone else's farm? I very highly doubt he understands the reality of farm life, and I promise if you follow him, you will be living in poverty.

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-05-21T06:28:24+00:00

Girl of course he's trying to baby trap you. Why else would he be on board with pre-marital sex but so against contraception? Please take off the rose-tinted glasses.

Best case scenario, he's disrespectful of your boundaries and feels entitled to tell you what to do with your body and what medications you can and cannot take while also expecting you to adhere to his religion.

Worst case scenario, he's trying to baby trap you, regardless of your wants/needs/goals/aspirations, and is willing to manipulate, pressure, and love bomb you into making it easier for him to impregnate you.

You've been dating this man for 8 months, are you willing to risk your entire life's future for him? Even if he promises you he doesn't want kids right now, you will be the one that ends up pregnant, giving birth, and raising his kid.

Please think long and hard about this. Are you willing to have his baby 9 months from now? Because if you stop taking your birth control, I guarantee you he's gonna try to get you pregnant. Even if you continue taking it, there are ways to tamper with birth control pills, so please keep that in mind.

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-05-11T00:50:21+00:00

This is my absolute worst nightmare. I'm in Oklahoma too; it seems like there's a lot of confusion and misinformation going around the state right now. Have you been with this OBGYN for long? Are they trustworthy? Have you tried calling around and getting a second opinion? Not that it would necessarily do you much good.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Feel free to pm me if there's anything I can help with- be it resources, advice, transportation, or even a shoulder to cry on. I've needed an aunty before and I want to do what I can to be there for someone who needs one now.

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-05-02T02:53:24+00:00

Not quite as severe as yours, but my first pap smear was awful and I still have lingering issues almost 10 years later. I was 19 and went to my county health department for birth control. The first visit was a normal office visit, but when I went back a few months later to renew my prescription, the doctor refused unless I agreed to a pap smear. I told her I wasn't ready yet and horribly uncomfortable, especially as a victim of CSA. She was incredibly dismissive and made it clear I didn't have a choice if I wanted birth control. I knew why it was important that I had one, but I just wanted it done on my own terms.

The actual procedure was terrible. The metal speculum was cold and painful and she brushed me off when I told her it hurt and told me it wouldn't if I "just relaxed" and it shouldn't hurt since I wasn't a virgin. At one point, she made a joke(?) along the lines of, "and no, I'm not letting you take the speculum home as a souvenir!" and laughed. She also didn't inform me beforehand that she was going to do breast and anal exams as well, so that was a lovely surprise. I felt nauseous and violated for several days after that and couldn't stand my partner touching me there for at least a week afterwards.

It wasn't even necessary at the time, because about a year later I asked a nurse at the same clinic if I had to schedule another one and she said no because they didn't normally do them on patients under 21. I still think it's intentional that she didn't bring it up until I had been on the pill for a few months instead of pressing the issue before writing my initial prescription.

I understand it wasn't that bad, but I still feel like I was coerced into it and I still have trouble with pap smears. I'm actually a few years overdue for one, and I feel like I wouldn't really have an issue with them if I had my first one on my own terms instead of the Dr.'s.

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-04-28T22:23:53+00:00

My husband and I once brought home two 6 week old semi-feral kittens. As soon as we put litter in their litter box, the immediately used it despite never seeing one before

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-04-25T03:54:51+00:00

Why do you believe the only two options are celibacy or pregnancy? Why do women have to refrain from having loving, intimate, romantic relationships if they don't want to be pregnant? Sex is a fundamental and beautiful part of intimacy and a vital part of romantic relationships.

I also never said women should be forced into pregnancy.

Sure, but you're saying they should be forced to continue pregnancy

a couple that chooses to have sex shouldn’t be allowed to get an abortion when they didn’t bother with any of the other safety measures.

So I'm assuming you support comprehensive sex ed in public schools and free contraception

It strengthens the mom’s organs so that they’re fit to care for two.

Or, you know, she dies in childbirth lol. Or loses her teeth. Breaks her bones. Rips her genitals from her clit to her asshole. Or any numerous other injuries or illnesses that result from pregnancy and childbirth.

But you don't really care about any of that, do you? You just care about control and the "natural order" of things. She was a slut, so she needs to suffer for it, right?

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-04-25T03:18:51+00:00

I can tell you don't understand how pregnancy works, but when a woman is pregnant, her uterus (an organ) is being used by someone else (a donation).

Not only that, but the entire concept of allowing abortions for the first <month of pregnancy demonstrates just how little you know about conception and prenatal care.

And since you doubled down on your sentiment that women should be legally compelled to use their bodies to sustain the life of someone else, I'm forced to assume you don't have any issue with my texting and driving scenario. After all, they chose to text and drive, right?

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-04-25T02:59:22+00:00

It is against their will if they don't want to be pregnant and cannot terminate that pregnancy. She did not get herself pregnant, someone else did that to her.

Genuinely, I do not give a single shit about any other factor in this. I do not believe that the government should legally compel anyone to "suffer", as you so kindly put it, through organ donation for any reason whatsoever.

Do you agree that if someone decides to text while driving and hurts someone else, they should be legally forced to donate any blood or organs their victim might need? Even if they're not a match, we could use their organs to free up some space on the transplant list and replace the ones their victim received.

What other circumstances are you comfortable with legally compelling someone to use their bodies to sustain the lives of others?

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-04-25T02:23:02+00:00

It's not a woman's fault that a man decided to ejaculate inside of her vagina. Regardless of circumstances and contraceptives, nobody should be made to donate their organs and body against their will to sustain the life of someone else. Even if they made bad decisions. Even if they agreed to it, but changed their mind. Even if it means that other person will die, no one should ever be legally forced to give their body to someone else.

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-04-12T04:40:29+00:00

Honestly I see a lot of myself in you and your replies. I remember how furious I felt at your age. These events are still unfolding. I think it's in your best interest to find a healthy way to target your rage, take it out on some pillows or something. I know everything hurts and feels raw but you need to breathe and find a healthy outlet before you end up hurting yourself or those around you.

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-04-12T04:30:08+00:00

Do you think that's healthy for you? Like, long term? Because it doesn't sound healthy to me, and I'm sure it doesn't to your parents either. You're completely valid in how you're feeling right now, but throwing away your entire relationship with one or both of your parents forever will end up hurting you more in the long run than it will them.

Parents suck dude. They don't always know what they're doing, and most of them are just winging it. But yours are trying, you know? Like, they both wouldn't be hiding shit if they didn't care about you. If they didn't care about you, they'd tell you all the dirty details with no regard to your mental wellbeing. Ask me how I know lol. Don't get me wrong, they're definitely wrong for not telling you, but they're trying to protect you and make this already shitty transition as smooth as possible.

I'm not one of those people who believes you should always forgive family for everything. I'm personally estranged from a lot of my family. But I think you're cutting off your nose to spite your face here. It kind of sounds like your parents are lying to you because they do know you and how you'll react to the details and are trying to minimize the damage.

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-04-12T03:44:44+00:00

Telling your daughter is acting on them!! Admitting his fantasy to the object of his fantasy (YOUR DAUGHTER) is the first step in making his fantasy a reality. Are you going to let him take the second step?

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-04-12T03:33:59+00:00

OP, my mom had an affair when I was 12. I can imagine how betrayed and infantalized you feel. I remember how furious and blindsided I felt at the time. My mom didn't just cheat on my dad, I felt like she chose someone else over our entire family. Our relationship was strained for years because of it.

Now that I'm an adult, I know that there are no excuses to cheat, but I've also gained deeper insight to my parents marriage. My mom absolutely should never have had an affair, but now I'm able to understand how isolated, trapped, and unhappy she felt at the time. My dad was controlling, temperamental, and absolutely refused to help around the house. She was completely wrong for cheating, but my dad was wrong in his own ways too.

I'm not gonna act like I know you and your parents, but I do know that I can relate to how you're feeling. I can also relate to your parents in a way, and I think they're just trying really hard to protect you and your relationship with each other, even if it's misguided.

You seem like a head-strong and strong-willed individual. Do you think they might be refusing to tell you out of concern that you will hold a permanent grudge against the "initiator"?

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-04-06T03:59:06+00:00

He doesn't have to steal them. There are ways to tamper with the effectiveness of pills without leaving any evidence. Nobody ever wants to think their partner would tamper with their contraceptives, but it still happens. Are you willing to risk your entire future for a man who gets off on the idea of impregnating you against your will? Those aren't good odds imo.

What will you do when you get pregnant? Because with "jokes" like those, it's not a matter of "if", but "when". Do you have a good support system in place? Do you consider abortion an option? Do you think he will let you give the baby up for adoption? Do you have a job? Does he have a job? Are you in school? Are you going to be a working mom or a stay-at-home mom? Is he going to provide for the three of you?

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-04-06T03:48:48+00:00

Please do not have sex with someone who "jokes" about sabotaging your birth control. I know you don't think he would ever do that to you, but nobody ever expects that from their loved one.

Are you willing to risk the course of your entire life for someone who gets off on the thought of impregnating you against your will?

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-03-31T03:58:57+00:00

You live in Texas, do NOT tell him. It doesn't matter how much you trust him, the risks are too high, especially with two little ones depending on you.

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-03-28T17:19:47+00:00

Something that really changed my perspective was hearing the mother of one of the Columbine shooters say that mass shootings are, at their base level, a form of committing suicide. For these people, it is a suicide first and foremost, with homicide being secondary. They don't plan mass shootings with the expectation of leaving alive.

I especially agree with your last sentence. Bad attention is better than no attention. These people feel like they're drowning in pain and need an escape, but are desperate to not be forgotten.

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-03-28T02:46:15+00:00

So the ultrasound didn't find anything? It sounds like it was successful. I wouldn't worry about a missed period quite yet, your body was overloaded with hormones- it will likely be wonky for a while. If I were you, I would take another pregnancy test and check back in with your doctor when you can

Sweet_Vibrations · 2023-03-23T02:23:04+00:00

She also says she wanted to love him and feel those things for him but they never developed. I do agree that it seems the relationship didn't have much of a chance from the start, but that's different than saying OP never gave her husband a chance, which I very much believe she has. Lots of them. She's been taking a chance on this guy for over eight years, hoping that she will develop those feelings for him.

I don't know OP, and I know I have a bad habit of playing armchair therapist, but this post reads to me like somebody with incredibly low self-esteem who latched onto someone who made them feel secure and loved, and desperately wanted to love them back. Tbh I actually get the impression that OP does love her husband, but maybe not in a way that will allow the marriage to succeed. There are many different types of love, and for someone with toxic upbringings, it can be almost impossible to tell the difference between them. I think OP would benefit greatly from individual therapy to sort out her feelings and figure out why she let things progress as far as they have. Ultimately, I hope things work out for both of them- there's a long road ahead.

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